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despedina
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Reged: 08/14/06
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Loc: Hillsboro, MO
Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: despedina]
      #760162 - 08/21/11 09:42 PM

He doesn't normally get her on Fridays until 6pm - maybe i wasn't clear on that.

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despedina
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Reged: 08/14/06
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: MrsB]
      #760165 - 08/21/11 09:49 PM

What he wants to do is have me drop her off on Saturdays and then pick her up. Some of the activities just list the time as "all day". For example - there are several competitions that are "all day" competitions. I'm assuming we will need to drop the kids off at 8 or 9 am (I'm sure they'll let us know when it comes closer - and I communicated this to ex) and let us know when we'll need to pick them up but probably not until a week or so before it actually happens.
I told him that if I had to drop her off and pick her up that it pretty much means I have to stick around the house most of the day.
He pretty much only committed to picking her up at noon next Sat, and told me we'd have to "work out the rest as it comes". He's not asking for extra time or claiming he's not getting enough. He basically just wants her when it works out for him.
In the past year, we've not known until the last minute if he's going to show on Friday nights. Sometimes he's "too tired". He's shown up sometime between 10am and noon on Saturdays. Its almost as if he's getting tired of coming to get her and he only lives 15 min from our house.


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youngatheart
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: despedina]
      #760167 - 08/21/11 09:57 PM

You're talking to the wrong person if you think I don't understand.

I get my kids to ALL of their activities...which are year-round. Ex gets most if not all of their off-time. I do it for my kids...for several reasons: 1) so that they can partake in their activity, but also 2) so they have time to develop a relationship with their dad...whatever that relationship ends up being.


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Debi
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: despedina]
      #760179 - 08/21/11 11:14 PM

No one can give you suggetions to make him step up because there aren't any. You can't FORCE him to do it because there is no law that says the NCP has to take their parenting time, only that YOU (the CP) have to make it available at scheduled times.

You have a few choices here.......1)You keep her every Friday and make sure she gets to all practices and "sacrifice" to do that, because that's what parents do and let him pick her up after on his weekends .2) You ignore the fact that he may not get her there and let whatever happens, happen or 3) you use YAH's suggestion and re-adjust parenting times to be sure your daughter gets where she needs to be.

You've already shot down YAH's idea, you've already complained about keeping her on Friday's and you've said that the practices are not optional. Not really sure where that leaves your daughter but she's the only one I'm feeling bad for about now. It must suck to be stuck in the middle of parents who argue over who's responsibility you are.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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despedina
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: Debi]
      #760189 - 08/22/11 09:00 AM

Debi you're right I did complain - but that's all it is, complaining. I know its important to get her to these things and if I'm the only one who will do it then so be it.
I'm not complaining to my daughter, that's why I come here. I've already told her that one way or the other she will get there.
I guess I was just looking for some wording to use with my ex to make a convincing argument. He seems to forget this is his daughter, and thinks its just someone asking him to do something unreasonable.


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MrsB
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: despedina]
      #760191 - 08/22/11 09:17 AM

That's understandable. I know it can be frustrating doing all the hard work...when the NCP wants to just give up time so they don't have to do it.

I would explain to him how you feel - and try to get ideas from him on coming up with some kind of solution you may both be comfortable with.


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ssmom79
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: Debi]
      #760192 - 08/22/11 09:32 AM

I really think Debi summed it up for you:

1)You keep her every Friday and make sure she gets to all practices and "sacrifice" to do that, because that's what parents do and let him pick her up after on his weekends.

2) You ignore the fact that he may not get her there and let whatever happens, happen or

3) you use YAH's suggestion and re-adjust parenting times to be sure your daughter gets where she needs to be.
________________________

I take my SD to ALL extracurricular activities and if BM gets involved I look at it as a blessing. It's not 'fair' to me but it is fair to my SD. Sometimes you have to look past the fact that what you do for your daughter is also a benefit to your ex.


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Goodmom
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Re: Ex being difficult about extracurriculars [Re: despedina]
      #760245 - 08/22/11 07:52 PM

[quote]I don't agree. Me getting a couple more hours on a Friday night and dropping her off at 8am on Sat does not equal entire Sat evening and entire Sunday that he will get on weekends that are not normally his.
I was trying to see if anyone had any suggestions on how to get him to take her to her activity on Saturdays, but I guess there's not a good suggestion. Either way I'm sacrificing - either by missing a good portion of my weekend or just dropping her off on Saturday morning and possibly picking her up if he ends up refusing that also. He gets all the easy stuff and I'm stuck with the hard stuff. [/quote]

None of your posts indicate that your ex is actually saying that your daughter can't go. Just that he won't drive her. So you take your daughter to her activities and drop her off on Saturday morning on his week-ends and keep her on your week-ends. It's a pain for you, but you can't force your ex to take her.


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