DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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One of my co-workers announced she is divorcing her husband of 15 years. She labeled herself as a "single mom," even though dad still lives in the house, but their marriage is all but over. They have 3 children, ages 3-15, and she brought up a few questions. She wondered how he would pay child support and 1/2 her $70K student loan when he doesn't have a job. She also mentioned he shouldn't get anything financially out of their home, since she paid for it all.
I asked her a few questions as to their situation....and found that he's a SAHP, and has been for the entire marriage. She works full time overnights (+2-3 overtime shifts a week), sleeps in the day and goes to school in the afternoon/evenings, so he takes care of pretty much all parental and household duties. There is no neglect or abuse involved. There's no doubt he's the primary parent. As a hard working RN, there's also no doubt she's a great provider.
I very emphathetically informed her what would be a typical outcome in her situation, (which did not at all match with her expectations)....she absolutely blew a gasket! All I could do at that point was tell her to see an attorney.
I'm just not sure where this line of thinking comes from. How could one think they are automatically going to get custody when it's so easy to prove they aren't ever physically available? Or, keep all the assets, but pass 1/2 the liabilities to the other?
Heck, I never got into any depth with the separation of assets or retirements, or the possible repercussions of the constant OT. Yikes!
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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And did you point out that HE is likely to get alimony?!!
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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I'll let her attorney tell her the rest. I'm staying out of the picture. I'm guessing she makes $100-$120K.....she is probably going to have financial hurt beyond her worst nightmare.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Just curious what did you tell her that caused her to blow?
My hubby told me that while he and BM were divorcing that she mentioned how many of her friends were better of financially after getting a divorce with the split of the bills, the selling of the assets and the child support. He said she was really cold about it, as though it was her plan to get away and live the better life without him. But as we usually find out the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.
I have about a half dozen 30-33 year old friends who are divorcing or considering it. Something about that age...I have two years to get past it. Another friend, just married her third husband and having her third child. Her three children have three fathers. I'm not dissing three time marriages, but I can't help but wonder how many husbands will she have considering her record so far.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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The custody part is where she blew. She identified herself as a single parent and at first talked about how difficult it was going to be getting daycare and family help for when she is works or is not available (which is really nearly 24 hours a day for at least 5 days a week). I barely touched the financial part...it was clear that she is in the mindset that "I paid for it so it's mine." And, since he doesn't work, she HAS paid for everything. I suspect she will be shocked to learn what he is entitled to..like I said, an attorney can do that.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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"Another friend, just married her third husband and having her third child. Her three children have three fathers."
No disrespect intended, but when I read that, I think that if she filled out a job application, she should list "child support collector" as one of her professions.
If I met someone that had 2 children with 2 different fathers, I'd run like heck if they said they wanted another child, unless they were sharing custody and were financially sound. Otherwise, it's clear they would be well versed on how the "system" works when it comes to divorce and children, and 3rd marriages have a 90% failure rate. I'd be setting myself up to to lose at least 25% of my income for X number of years with a 90% probability. And, probably be an EOW parent. Judges are reluctant to ever separate siblings...the chances of me getting custody would be nil. No thanks!
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6495
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Way to shoot the messanger.....I think she's overdue for the reality slap that she will get as she goes through the divorce/custody process. I hope her stbx has a good lawyer and gets all he is entitled to.
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