StacyV
recently joined
Reged: 08/26/11
Posts: 1
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Hi, I am in RI, and i have been searching online for hours, but can't find much in the way of cohabitation or morality clauses being mentioned...
My BF is going thru the final weeks on his divorce, This has been dragged out for about 1.5 years now, and his EXwife knows i am in the picture and dislikes me. I forgot to mention, she is also constantly harrassing my BF, to the point where he had to just recently place his second restraining order against her- she calls at all hours of the night, repeatedly, sometimes 30+ times in a half hour if she really wants to drive us crazy.. she has shown up at the apartment etc.. she's just out for control, even though she is the one who served him with divorce papers! She just won't let him go peacefully.. He begs her to leave him alone and let him move on and be happy, and wishes she would be happy and move on as well. He has no problem if she were to have a boyfriend..
We have been together for about 9 months now, and i stay over quite often as his apartment. I have known his kids for years (his son is 2, and his daugther is 6) - they get along with me and my daughter (10) just fine. Yes, i have stayed over with the kids there at his apartment- i don't want to get into weather its right or wrong, that's a personal opinion, They never see me in his bed with him, i am just there when they go to sleep,and already up and dressed when they wake up in the a.m.
Now, the ExWife is threatening to try to add a cohabitation clause to the agreement, to which my BF does NOT agree to, and i know it works both ways..
I would imagine that the exwife would have to give a judge a good reason as to why i can't be there, as me and BF plan on moving in within the next 10-12 months. Wouldn't she have to prove that i was a "threat" or morally not good to be around the kids? What are the chances that a judge would agree to add this clause, and how common are they in RI??
She has known i have been there for months, and never brought this up until he got the restraining order and she tried to bully him into having it lifted... Last time it was lifted, she was at his place that same afternoon yelling at him. And, she has also tried to keep the kids from seeing him by shooting down all 3rd party requests for drop off.. they just had court and the judge made her agree to drop off the kids at a local place and let him have them every other weekend as stated in the decree. So, needless to say, i am sure she is peeved for "losing" that battle, i am afraid she is just trying to blow smoke and attack him where ever she can now.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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I'm not sure but I think morality clauses are usually pretty individual to an order. Meaning if no one brings it up, it doesn't get put in but if someone raises the issue there is a consideration.
I imagine your BF would have to prove that she's known you spend the night all this time to have much of a fight. Otherwise it's going to be he said/she said. The order wouldn't say that you can't be around the kids, but that you couldn't spend the night when they are there. I'm not seeing that as much of a hardship if he only has them every other weekend. If she gets the order put in then moving in together without being married would be out of the question. My suggestion would be to cool spending the night until this is over. that way if it is brought up your BF can say that yes, you have stayed in the past but that the two of you decided it wasn't what was best for the kids so it won't happen again.
She wouldn't have to prove that you're a threat because you wouldn't be ordered to not be around the kids. A judge usually won't do that unless there IS a reason. Sleeping with your BF isn't that reason.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Hi! I am a native Rhode Islander, and moved back here early last year.
found this from a post on THIS site.. 2009:
Six states continue to make it a crime for an unmarried man and a woman to cohabit together: Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Virginia and West Virginia fall into this category. Arizona and New Mexico decriminalized unmarried cohabitation in 2001. North Dakota repealed its law in 2007. The validity of the North Carolina law is questionable due to a trial court ruling in 2006 declaring it unconstitutional.
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My two cents/opinion? I think a "morality" clause in RI is highly unlikely. Again, I'm a native rhode islander.. I'm also a bit older  In my younger days, had two long-term, live-in relationships with divorced men.. both with kids. Both with highly acrimonious (bad) relationsihps with at least one, and in one case, multiple, ex-wives. Neither had morality clauses. I don't know of anyone who has or had one.
RI may be predominantly Catholic state; however, it's a mostly democratic (meaning liberal) state. for example, joint legal custody in THIS state is presumed. My divorce with a child is in NY, where you'd figure cutting edge/super liberal right? Nope.. "joint" custody isn't assumed and if there's a hint of acrimony? Someone's getting sole custody. No presumption of 50/50. antiquated CS calculations etc. I know quite a few men in RI with if not legal custody, primary PLACEMENT of the child(ren).
that said the court is pretty strict on living CONDITIONS. Meaning.. basement bedroom without a clear separate exit? No-no. Male/female children sharing same bedrooms post a certain age? No-no. Opposite sex PARENT sharing a bedroom with a child after a certain age? No-no. I have a friend who rarely sees his kids but MUST maintain a 3 bedroom apartment even though his two kids? GIRLS. But they can't share a bedroom, at least according to his ex, and the court agreed, b/c one kid had a sleep ailment that necessitated having her own room.
So the court will seemingly err on the side of caution when it considers a child's PHYSICAL well-being. Cohabitating? Not so much.
for the record? Rhode Island is a 1-party recording state, meaning, as long as your significant other knows the convo is being recorded? Recordings are admissable in court. If you own an iPhone already? There are recording apps that allow for in person, outgoing call AND incoming call recording. In your SO's shoes? I'd be asking for custody, NOW, before the divorce is FINAL. She's not going to get better once this divorce is final, you know.. and if she doesn't get her way? She will get WORSE.. probably a LOT worse. And if he doesn't go for it NOW, if he wants it later, and tries to bring up this history? they'll ask why he didn't pursue custody NOW. Just my two cents.
Just from what I observe around me (and I have a lot of custodial fathers where I live), the courts aren't that rough on dads, just the opposite. Given his stbx's history, and if he can get some solid documentation, I don't think she'd have a snowball's chance in hell of getting a morality clause and I think he'd have a good shot of getting custody... assuming he's stable, employed, has a home, isn't an alky or a druggie, yadda yadda.
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