Voujaday
recently joined
Reged: 08/26/11
Posts: 9
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My soon to be ex is seeking spousal support. We live in the stae of California. She is a Family Law attorney who has been on un-employment/diasabilty for over half of the time we have been together. About 1 1/2 years ago, she started her own business( still in family law) helping people for a smaller fee.
History, when I met her, she was going through a divorce and custody battle. The ex refused to work and support their child. Since the beginning I have been a strong, and the only consistant, financial provider for this child. I do not have a college degree however I earn a modest living.
During our relationship, we paid for her child's private school expenses, medical costs, therapy bills, child custody evaluation costs. etc. In doing so, I worked massive hours of overtime for YEARS. All without the financial support of her ex or family.
Now that we are separating and she has moved out, she is seeking SS of about half of my salary (because her business still does not provide for her well enough yet). Now, I'm all for taking care of my responsibilites and not trying to skirt them, however, I feel that I have more that taken care of her and her ex's financial responsibilities for their child for years. It upsets me that she is seeking MORE money out of me to the possibility that I would not be able to survive or half to seek out more work.
My question is: Can a step-parent seek reimbursement for child care expenses made during the relationship? My goal would be to only offset her request for SS. Really what I want is for these financial matters to be viewed as a wash and walk away, both of us.
Thanks for your help
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote]Can a step-parent seek reimbursement for child care expenses made during the relationship? [/quote]
I don't think you will have any success. I am 100% against SS of any kind. But if you make the case that you supported her kid, you are setting yourself up to PAY MORE because the judge will slap you with child support for another man's kid. If I were you I'd take the opposite route and make the case that you never supported the kid in any way.
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Voujaday
recently joined
Reged: 08/26/11
Posts: 9
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Thanks for your response hanzblinx however, I do know that the state of California does not require a step-parent to financially support a step-child. I'm quit certain that no court will make me pay child support. The child's other parent has already been court ordered to pay CS, which they have not done in years. My ex,or soon to be, is a family law attorney, obviously with a higher education, and should be able to support their child as well.
I'm simply trying to find a way or ways to offset/build a good enough case, re: their request of SS from me.
Thanks again
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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First of all, how long were you married? That is a big deciding factor in spousal support.
Secondly, you say she has been "disabled", is this verified with a diagnosis? Because as a LAWYER, unless you had a BRAIN disability, there are FEW physical disabilities that would stop you from practicing law.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Voujaday
recently joined
Reged: 08/26/11
Posts: 9
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Married for 4y/7mos, together for almost 9 yrs. The diagnosis is Fibromyalgia. So stress plays a major factor in the illness and this is why she has given up the litigation portion of her practice.
I realize that she may have SS for 1/2 the term of the marriage, however, the numbers that she came up with are not feasable for me, under any circumstances. I know there is no way she will get what she thinks she should but I need to make a solid argument.
Thanks
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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You need a GOOD lawyer. But a lawyer should be able to make a case that a woman with a LAW degree does not need ANY spousal support for a four year marriage.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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g8D has great advise about the lawyer. And forget about any reimbursement. That was simply a gift of the marriage. Argue that with a law degree she has the ability to earn a living at least as well as you. If she doesn't have a verified diagnosis of disability, she is not disabled in the eyes of the court.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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I've always heard the standard for 'being disabled' was collecting SSDI.....which she is not and cannot if she is able to make so much money a month.
How does her monthly income comapre to yours ?
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]I've always heard the standard for 'being disabled' was collecting SSDI.....[/quote]
Not necessarily. All being on SSDI means is that there is no question of disability.
One can be disabled and not able to collect SSDI due to not enough quarters worked.
Although, given that she is practicing law, it doesn't sound like she would qualify. Charging a reduced rate does not equal a disability.
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Voujaday
recently joined
Reged: 08/26/11
Posts: 9
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She had already collected SSDI, It ended about 1 year ago. Collecting state disability usually only lasts for one year and the amount you receive monthly is based on how much you worked and payed into it during the previous quarters. From there one needs to file Federal disabilty which is an entirely different monster. Anyway, the federal disabilty denied her request.
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote]That was simply a gift of the marriage. [/quote]
Yup, the more a woman leeches off you in the past the more entitled she is to keep leeching. Sad but true. From an ethical & moral point of view your thinking makes sense. But legally, giving gifts during marriage just makes you even more obligated to maintain her in the lifestyle to which your gifts made her accustomed.
Just end this thing and be careful to avoid these leeches in the future.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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FYI
The state of Washington did order child support to be paid by a stepparent to my stepkids biomom - my husband and his ex at the time had an agreement of no support to change hands due to each parent having one of the children and she was married to a man that was well to do and we could have gone after for support due to extraordinary income which would require her to pay but when she split from Mr. Well to do she was able to get cs from the ex-step-dad (Mr. Well to do) for a period of 1 year for my stepdaughter - go figure.
Anyway just saying to never say never - court is a crap shoot on any given day....
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote]FYI
The state of Washington did order child support to be paid by a stepparent to my stepkids biomom [/quote]
There are plenty of cases like this. Moral of the story is, do not associate with a single mother, unless you want to be forced by a court to pay CS for her kids when the relationship ends. I've heard the same thing with grandparents who lend a hand, then the mother slaps them with CS too.
No good deed goes unpunished.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Quote " I'm quit certain that no court will make me pay child support."
Yeah, you might want to google that, bud. That dude in WA is supporting a kid THAT IS NOT HIS DNA, and HE WAS NEVER MARRIED TO THE MOM.
You married the mom, you promised to pay her for life. Done.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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