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c_jane
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Amazing. Just -- amazing!
      #761626 - 09/06/11 06:13 PM

This past (Labor Day) weekend I had DS. Because of nearby wildfires and they're using his HS as an evacuation center, HIS school was cancelled for today.

So I left DS asleep @ my house & went on to work. He got up about 1:30, ate something, packed up his stuff and rode his bike to Dad's house 1 mile away.

Dad was mad because *I* was *SUPPOSED* to wake DS up when I went to work and bring him over to Dad's house since he didn't have school and Exhole has custody. Ok, right. I'm going to wake DS up @ 6AM just so he can spend the day at YOUR house instead of mine. BAER!!

The man takes 'control freak' to a whole new level. I told him put it on his list of things to bring up @ the next mod hearing.

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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annieo
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761628 - 09/06/11 06:46 PM

well he could look at it as you are the control freak by not sending the child home when he was suppose to be without asking if it was ok for son to stay and sleep in - you took "control" of the situation when it was not your turn to be in "control."

Do I think it was reasonable for you ds to stay and sleep in - yes but it was not your time so you needed to clear it with Dad first - you know DAD ----- THE CUSTODIAL PARENT.


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javajunkiee
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761633 - 09/06/11 08:17 PM

Q: Why wouldn't you wake the kid up and take him home?

A: Because the longer the kid is at YOUR house when 'exhole' is the one who has custody, the more you can give 'exhole' the proverbial finger.

Save your 'I don't get why he's ticked off' act. You set him up to be pissed off and you know it. At least be honest enough to admit you try to live up to your signature.

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Buckeye
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761647 - 09/07/11 06:39 AM

You were wrong, wrong, wrong. If he was supposed to be at Dad's house, then that is where is should have been unless you have permission to do otherwise.

Did I mention you were wrong?


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Buckeye]
      #761651 - 09/07/11 08:12 AM

Agreed, if he was supposed to be at dad's, he should have been at dad's. Unless permission was requested. YES, that is what you were SUPPOSED to do. You don't have the right to arbitrarily decide. You were wrong, your ex has every right to be pissed.

Further, why is this kid sleeping in til 1:30 in the afternoon??


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761655 - 09/07/11 08:57 AM

Maybe something to consider in the future, even if the behavior is not reciprocated, is to inform the other parent the situation and allow them to make the call on their time. I'm sure you'd prefer your ex didn't make decisions on what you consider your time. I think it is definitely something to mention at the next mod hearing. Are those frequent? You both exhibit some pretty controlling behavior. Have you considered that your hatred for each other may spill into the life of your son, from both of you. At his age, every tone, look, or even silent stare is an indicator of your relationship. I try to be very conscious when I am with SD of what I say, how it's said, how my body language is while I'm talking, etc.

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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761659 - 09/07/11 09:29 AM

Not sure if it was clear whose time it was... he was supposed to be in school, except that it was cancelled because of the wildfires. I doubt a scenario like that is addressed in the CO, or at least mine doesn't address "acts of God". If the court order spells it out and he should have been at dad's, different story, but this sounds like a gray area.

Was dad home, could he have spent time with ds? If not, I'm not sure it matters which empty house he stayed at... but because of your relationship with ex, I think a phone call would have been in order to go over the plan... doesn't sound like dad was too concerned at the time though, the kid slept in until 1:30, dad could have called him to get him out of bed when he realized that ds wasn't there when dad thought he should be.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761660 - 09/07/11 09:34 AM

Her time ends when the child goes to school.. if the child was NOT going to school, then child reverts back to dad. It doesn't need to be spelled out, unless one is just being an ass.

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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761661 - 09/07/11 09:48 AM

"Her time ends when the child goes to school.. if the child was NOT going to school, then child reverts back to dad. It doesn't need to be spelled out, unless one is just being an ass."

Even assuming this is correct... why did dad not call the kid earlier and tell him it was time to get up and go to dad's? He chose to let him stay and make an issue out of it after the fact, instead of addressing it when he noticed it. Had he been proactive in asserting his time from the start, instead of reactive by whining about it when it was too late to change it, I'd feel differently.


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761662 - 09/07/11 09:53 AM

First, I didn't even THINK about it. REALLY. It never crossed my mind. What would Dad care? -- he was @ work. Ds stays up late and sleeps in. Just like summer. I really don't care he sleeps till 12, 1:30 or even later. I didn't leave him anything to do. All teenagers around here do it. He does it @ Dad's too.

IF Dad wanted/required DS to be @ his house why didn't he call me/DS? Why, if DS wasn't @ his house by 6:30, didn't he call DS, wake him up, and tell him to get to his house? Hmmmmm? Why make a big deal out of it after the fact? DS HAS a cell phone glued to his body. Exhole could have called him ANYTIME & told him he wanted him home. He waited until AFTER I GOT HOME to call and BIOTCH me out. I refuse to get drawn into his little games.

And SHERRON was typing at the same time. My thoughts exactly.

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

Edited by c_jane (09/07/11 09:54 AM)


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761664 - 09/07/11 10:00 AM

"First, I didn't even THINK about it. REALLY. It never crossed my mind. What would Dad care? -- he was @ work."

Lesson learned... now you know dad does care, make a call the next time, not necessarily to ask for "permission", but to let dad know, hey, ds is sleeping in, call him when you want him home, otherwise he'll be over whenever he gets up.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761665 - 09/07/11 10:02 AM

Because it's not DAD'S responsibility to transfer custody! And he shouldn't be handling issues of custody/visitation with the CHILD. So he addresses them with MOM. As he SHOULD.

And, in reality? Okay, so he waited.. how many times have women told other WOMEN here "let him dig his own grave"? Too many to count? Well, these two like court and guess what? Mommy is digging HER own grave and dad is letting her do it. And her response is a bytchy "see you at the next court date [censored]". Yup, he's a VERY smart man and it's easy to see HOW he won custody to begin with. This is NOT how you play the game IF you want to win. CJane is too busy being bytchy to realize SHE is why she's LOSING the game.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761668 - 09/07/11 10:06 AM

You just do NOT get it do you? DAD is the custodial parent. YOU have a SCHEDULE TO FOLLOW!!!! Of course SHERRON agrees with you b/c she's got similar "I'm doing it MY way, eff you!" attitude! (see historical threads on her daughter and psychiatric treatment, she was on here bellyaching about how to get AROUND what the therapist would direct).

YOU have a schedule to follow, it's not up to YOU to decide arbitrarily what you "think" dad will or will not care about. And you will lose in court... again.. because you just.don't.get.it!


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761672 - 09/07/11 10:12 AM

Yea, I think it's a real gray area when you have days off for things like that. Like she mentioned it's something to bring up if he has a real issue with it at the next mod hearing. Based on the animosity between the two parents, I think I'd approach the gray areas rather than leave them open to fight later. It probably does not matter in the end who's empty house the kid is at during the day. Sounds like the kid had a nice day off even though his parents are not happy with how the day played out.

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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761673 - 09/07/11 10:14 AM

"Because it's not DAD'S responsibility to transfer custody! And he shouldn't be handling issues of custody/visitation with the CHILD. So he addresses them with MOM. As he SHOULD.

And, in reality? Okay, so he waited.. how many times have women told other WOMEN here "let him dig his own grave"? Too many to count? Well, these two like court and guess what? Mommy is digging HER own grave and dad is letting her do it. And her response is a bytchy "see you at the next court date [censored]". Yup, he's a VERY smart man and it's easy to see HOW he won custody to begin with. This is NOT how you play the game IF you want to win. CJane is too busy being bytchy to realize SHE is why she's LOSING the game."

That makes no sense, what does he have to gain... he already has custody, do you believe she will lose any parenting time over this?

If people prefer being reactive and whining and playing the victim like they are solely at the mercy of the other parent, well, if it works for them... it must on some level or they wouldn't do it. Being proactive makes more sense to me, one phone call could have easily fixed this, and if mom had told him to eff off and die, ds was coming over when he's good and ready, well, he'd actually have something. If for some strange reason dad does take this to court expecting repercussions for mom over this... how will he answer the judge when he's asked what mom's response was when he called her after noticing ds wasn't over when he should have been. I wouldn't be surprised if his lack of asserting his time at the start of his time would be considered consent.


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761674 - 09/07/11 10:16 AM

I understand your thoughts CJ. I would probably have felt the same way. And maybe he was looking to cause an issue. Which is why I think it's really important to be, like Sherron mentioned, proactive about these things. And if he's not going to do it, then I think you should do it. But I understand why you feel put out by his antics. I think your best bet would be to play the calm card and tell him, hey next time I'll drop him by the house, smile and wave.

I often find you could guess all day what a person is thinking or what were they thinking and still have it wrong. So I try not to play into those games either.


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761675 - 09/07/11 10:31 AM

"Of course SHERRON agrees with you b/c she's got similar "I'm doing it MY way, eff you!" attitude! (see historical threads on her daughter and psychiatric treatment, she was on here bellyaching about how to get AROUND what the therapist would direct). "

Not sure what my dd has to do with this thread, other than your usual pattern, you enjoy trying to use my child to attack or discredit me as a person when you're at a loss as to how to debate my words. I would think you understand that sometimes even professionals are not 100% on track in understanding a situation, since you had to teach some of them about the whole active alert thing, or cyclical vomiting. Which means your issue is not disagreeing with a suggested course of treatment, since you have done the same, but your issue is me.

Considering the path my dd is on now and the positive changes she has made in her life... it's worked out in the end, and I am fine with the role I've had in all this, even if you aren't. Considering how off you have been, regarding my dd and in general, your opinion does not carry any weight.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761680 - 09/07/11 11:30 AM

The thing is, it isn't like their situation is new. And it's not like she isn't WELL aware of what her ex does/doesn't expect. I don't think there's a lot of "gray". They have an order, there have been previous issues about whose time is "school time", yadda yadda. This isn't new. So why intentionally poke the tiger? And she seems to ENJOY poking the tiger. This is what infuriates Gr8 so much about her I'm sure.. it's like this gloating/gleeful "ahHA! I got him to come unglued again!" type attitude that's really kinda disturbing. And? A side effect? Is they have a kid in the middle. Now, I'm also going to bet? The KID knew dad would have expected him home and NOT still be at mom's. But he knows he can piss off dad through mom and watch them have at each other. Totally unhealthy.

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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761684 - 09/07/11 11:52 AM

Let me just add: DAD is digging his own grave. As all my friends/family have told me for years "just wait. B. is smart. He'll see his Dad eventually for what he really is."

DS has about zero respect for his Dad. DS has a GF -- who does he call up first? Me. Problems in school, sign for going on a field trip, what courses to take, girl problems -- me. Whatever Dad knows about DS's life is from SM who reads his FB entries.

DS and C. (SM's OWN GRANDSON) want to both come live with me after HS. Actually C's parents have said they're kicking him out @ 16 (2 years) and he wants to come live w/me then. DS & C. BOTH complain and gripe about Exhole -- his rules, his threats, his overbearing attitude. DS rides his bike over to visit me nearly every day now -- not telling Exhole he's coming over obviously 'just riding his bike around'. We discuss school, GF's, ROTC, everything. DS pretty much doesn't even talk to his Dad about 'important stuff'.

And yeah, my comment to Exhole about bringing it up in the next court appearance? First off, it was on the phone. No proof. "Your Honor, when he called me I was VERY apologetic and agreed to send DS over immediately if it ever occurred again." Lie my AZZ off, just like Ex- and his lawyer do.

Second, as Sherron said, let him bring it up in court and look like a petty control freak. "But Your Honor, LEGALLY I have control of him if he's not at school. Yes she should have woken him up @ 6:30 so he could have spent the day with his SM whom he can't stand anyway. But he is LEGALLY required to be AT MY HOUSE, not hers." Um, yeah. That sounds really nice.

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761685 - 09/07/11 11:57 AM

"The thing is, it isn't like their situation is new. And it's not like she isn't WELL aware of what her ex does/doesn't expect. I don't think there's a lot of "gray". They have an order, there have been previous issues about whose time is "school time", yadda yadda. This isn't new. "

Then where is dad's responsibility to check on his ds during his time? He knew ds wasn't at his house at 6:30, ds didn't get up until 1:30 to head over to dad's, so there are at least 7 hours where dad failed to be a responsible parent to his son by checking on him to make sure he's okay. I know that the odds are minimal that ds was in an unsafe situation, but accidents happen and teens will be teens; dad had a responsibility to act like a parent and check on his child, during his time. And if it was truly a matter of allowing mom to dig her own grave, what kind of parent does so at the expense of the child's safety, what kind of parent plays games when it pertains to a child's health or safety.

"Now, I'm also going to bet? The KID knew dad would have expected him home and NOT still be at mom's. But he knows he can piss off dad through mom and watch them have at each other. Totally unhealthy. "

Are custody/visitation issues the child's responsibility or are they to be handled between the parents?


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761686 - 09/07/11 12:12 PM

OK well if you are looking for ways to stay clean on your end, you could consider what I've said. I don't play tit for tat games when it comes to the kids. I don't care if our BM is a liar or plays games, I don't determine my actions by the actions of others. If you prefer to play games and lie that is up to you.

Yes LB I agree...you know not to poke the bear yet you poke the bear, then you sit back and say, WOW look at what the bear did...he got mad. Were it me, I'd plan ahead and be proactive. Some prefer to sit back and wait to see what happens.


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761688 - 09/07/11 12:25 PM

"OK well if you are looking for ways to stay clean on your end, you could consider what I've said. I don't play tit for tat games when it comes to the kids. I don't care if our BM is a liar or plays games, I don't determine my actions by the actions of others. If you prefer to play games and lie that is up to you."
I agree, ssmom... c_jane's been given options to prevent similar incidents in the future, whether or not she will take them is her decision... it all depends on what is more important... the child or the game.

"Were it me, I'd plan ahead and be proactive. Some prefer to sit back and wait to see what happens. "
Yup, that concept definitely goes both ways.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761690 - 09/07/11 12:48 PM

Okay, you're right. You obviously can't get past your hatred of your ex. Got it. The fact you'd out and out say you'd perjure yourself in court says all one needs to know about you.

I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and thought Gr8 too harsh but I see he had/has you pegged dead on the money. Very sad for your son.


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761692 - 09/07/11 01:01 PM

The first time I went to court I THOUGHT I had to tell the truth. Sadly, that's not the way the court system works. I learned from one who already knew that -- Exhole. If there's no written proof, deny, deny, deny. Or spin it the way you want. It doesn't matter. Yep, I learned plenty that year.

[quote]Okay, you're right. You obviously can't get past your hatred of your ex. Got it. The fact you'd out and out say you'd perjure yourself in court says all one needs to know about you.

I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and thought Gr8 too harsh but I see he had/has you pegged dead on the money. Very sad for your son. [/quote]

--------------------
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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761694 - 09/07/11 01:10 PM

Wonderful...

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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761695 - 09/07/11 01:16 PM

"The first time I went to court I THOUGHT I had to tell the truth. Sadly, that's not the way the court system works. I learned from one who already knew that -- Exhole. If there's no written proof, deny, deny, deny. Or spin it the way you want. It doesn't matter. Yep, I learned plenty that year. "

It should matter, even if the only one who knows is you... you stated an innocent enough issue, it was the way you guys handled parenting time in the summer, it didn't occur to you to talk to ex when you had handled it this way all along on ds' days off over summer break... and I still believe that dad failed to be a responsible parent... if he truly expected ds to be home during the time he usually is in school, dad had the responsibility to check on him when he wasn't where dad expected him to be.

I've made the effort to distinguish the post from the poster, but you are now taking it from an innocent issue to game playing... no matter how valid you believe you are, and how much you want to pay ex back... when you play games, there will be times when you win, and there will be time when dad wins... but ds is in the middle and will always lose. Are you really okay with that?


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finz
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761735 - 09/07/11 10:02 PM

How long have you been divorced ?

I don't see the point in delibrately trying to anatgonize each other.....still.

Seems to me if dad was actually worried about where ds was....he would have called him/woken him up. Sounds like dad was more interested in telling CJ she was wrong.

That said......CJ, you were wrong ! Why not call the ex and tell him where ds is and check the plan with him ? When you KNOW the ex is looking for stuff to use against you.....why give him more ?

It might look to you now like you are winning the fight for your son's affection, but you don't know the long term effects of how he will process the manipulative games that BOTH you and your ex play.

My husband and I are trying to 'play nice' with this whole process, but both of my kids have still talked about issues with their observations.....comments to me meant to hurt my feelings and my husband has gotten the same. Older kids especially will notice many things....their anger is bound to come out. I'm dealing with my os who is entering his senior year of high school. I've been an SAT tutor and worked helping students perfect their college entrance essays, etc. Right now, my opinion on college matters is automatically discounted or insulted. I believe os has it figured that sucking up to dad who controls most of the money is the way to go (my f-i-l is also making BIG contributions to his college fund each year) Obvious signs of picking sides even though most of the time my husband and I try to present a united front.

I wouldn't purposefully give a teenager, who's bound to act out in some way as part of growing up, any amunition by trying to show up the other parent.....tempting though that option may be.

I think you should be making a mental note to call dad next time something like this happens, not rejoicing in the fact that you irked dad and he had the nerve to be upset.


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: finz]
      #761750 - 09/08/11 08:13 AM

Divorced since '97. Dad hates me; I hate Dad.

My DD's Dad -- we're 'friends' on FB. He's stayed @ my house before when he was in the area. My door's always open to him.

That's why when Exhole took me to court and it was so mean, nasty, lying, dragging me through the mud -- it completely blindsided me. I had NO IDEA divorced couples couldn't get along when there were children involved. Exhole sure 'taught' me. He could be on fire and I wouldn't spit on him to put it out.

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761755 - 09/08/11 09:16 AM

My husband was completely blindsided when his wife of ten years told him one Friday afternoon to move out. He was cut off from his family, she filed a restraining order on him, she mailed a letter to all their mutual friends and their family (parents and siblings) stating he was addicted to p/orn, abusive, that he raped her on several occasions, that he was an out of control alcoholic, and the root of all their problems. She drug him through them mud, picked him up, wiped his face off so he could see her kick him and drag him through again. It took a while, but he let it go. And it feels good to let go. *BTW, none of those allegations were true.*

You're 14 years post divorce and still wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire. That's so sad CJ. Life is too short to be hateful. Even to those who don't deserve our kindness.


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DedicatedDad
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761761 - 09/08/11 10:01 AM

The day I forgave my ex for all she had done, was the day I was able to move on. It took me awhile to get there...about 4 years.

It DOES feel good to let go....it's one of the more empowering things that has ever happened to me.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: DedicatedDad]
      #761767 - 09/08/11 10:19 AM

I don't think "forgiveness" is necessarily required. I can't forgive my ex for complete failure as a husband and not much better as a father to our child. I can realize he is who he is, and it is what it is, and move past it. I have to move forward with MY life, and do the best I can for my child's life. That doesn't require I forgive him. However, not forgiving him doesn't mean I have to dwell in it either. For me, just keeps me.. aware... cautious. I guess 'forgiving' him would mean I trust him, and I don't. Never will again.

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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761772 - 09/08/11 10:32 AM

Defined, it is the act of ceasing to blame or hold resentment. I don't think it is related to trust. Hubby can forgive BM for the way she treated him during the divorce. But he cannot trust her. That has been broken and trust is a big brick wall. You knock it down, it takes a second. To build it back can take a lifetime.

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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761775 - 09/08/11 10:46 AM

lol, that may be the textbook definition.. it's not mine :) Which is okay :):) I can't forgive people I do not trust. Doesn't mean I can't move forward and still deal with them, but I do so with the knowledge, within myself, that they have violated trust, and for me to forgive that would mean that I trust them, which I don't. Or maybe it's forgive and forget? For me, they are intertwined.. to forgive means you have to forget.. and that's not in my make-up. Fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me. Like my ex.. fooled me once.. his bad. I forgave, allowed trust.. and fooled me again. Shame on me. Same with my mother. I do not forgive, nor forget, nor do I trust her. I can deal with her, I can have a relationship with her, but I do so with the knowledge that that history is there, it can't be forgotten/forgiven (whenever I have, I've gotten burned.. badly) and it is what it is.

I'm sure I have unhealthy attitudes and that's fine. Gets me through the day and helps me survive. And I survive pretty well soooo, ain't changing it any time soon ;)


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761776 - 09/08/11 10:49 AM

WEll, it's not as if I sit around and stew and seethe about Exhole 24/7. although I'm sure you folks THINK I do. I can go DAYS w/out even thinking about him. I talk/text DS on his phone & never have to go 'through' Dad so, it's all good. Forgive, forget -- never.

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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761781 - 09/08/11 11:26 AM

When you've been burned and after the wounds heal you're burned again, I can understand why you'd feel the way you do. It hurts. I am able to forgive others but I always guard myself once I'm burned. I never vibed with the forgive and forget saying. I won't forget it, but I will let it go. I think that is probably 'wrong' but I'm okay with that. Like you said, I think we all have unhealthy attitudes about some thing or another.

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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761782 - 09/08/11 11:30 AM

Just want to say I don't think you seethe and stew 24/7 but I think you play a lot of games with your ex when given the opportunity and I think you get a lot of satisfaction from your disagreements with your ex. No matter how trivial. We are in control of what we do and how we react. I just prefer the positive route as much as possible. You handle things how it works for you.

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kkimberh
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761792 - 09/08/11 12:29 PM

Hey c_jane, where are you? DD's high school was closed because it was a shelter. We were evacuated - fires were in our neighborhood...

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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: kkimberh]
      #761801 - 09/08/11 01:53 PM

I sent you a PM.

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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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finz
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761811 - 09/08/11 02:39 PM

[quote]Divorced since '97. Dad hates me; I hate Dad.

My DD's Dad -- we're 'friends' on FB. He's stayed @ my house before when he was in the area. My door's always open to him.

That's why when Exhole took me to court and it was so mean, nasty, lying, dragging me through the mud -- it completely blindsided me. I had NO IDEA divorced couples couldn't get along when there were children involved. Exhole sure 'taught' me. He could be on fire and I wouldn't spit on him to put it out. [/quote]

***********************************************

Ex #1 plays nice, and you do

Ex #2 doesn't play nice.....so you let that change how you act ? I can understand the anger....in the beginning. I can't understand letting it rule my actions 14 years later


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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: finz]
      #761812 - 09/08/11 02:44 PM

[quote.... I can't understand letting it rule my actions 14 years later [/quote]

You would if you were Exhole's Ex -- LOL!

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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761813 - 09/08/11 02:51 PM

Life it too short to be at odds all the time.

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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761885 - 09/08/11 08:43 PM

Like I said I can go days w/out thinking about Ex.

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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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gr8Dad
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761888 - 09/08/11 09:06 PM

Let me tell you something, your ex can't hold a CANDLE to mine. She beat the children to the point that CPS took them from her. She CONTINUES to emotionally abuse them. But that is just who she IS, and I realized, a LONG time ago, that I cannot change her, I can only control my reactions to her.

You are not doing what is best for your son, you are still trying to make him PAY for not being a good husband, or at LEAST, as "nice" of an ex as your first ex.'

Consider that the reason the kid wants to stay with you and not Dad is because Dad has RULES. You know, NOT having rules in not a GOOD thing.

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #762229 - 09/12/11 09:31 AM

I wasn't referring to you going specific time periods without thinking about your ex, if that satisfies you, then I'm sure you're happy. I can think about my hubby's ex whenever I want without reverting back to the days when she treated my husband like crap. It is a nice place to be. Where I don't get angry or think terrible things like I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire. If she was on fire, I'd put it out. If you'd rather watch your ex burn, you're not as far as your could be CJ.

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matart1
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: gr8Dad]
      #762232 - 09/12/11 09:36 AM

Well said - I have seen the result of the NOT having rules in one household and that is the reason that my stepkids are not very good functioning adults.

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MTmom
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: matart1]
      #763016 - 09/22/11 01:01 PM

I don't see the language from CJane's CO anywhere in this thread. But, under either my CO or my SO's CO - this would be the NCP's parenting time.

In our orders, if school is not in session on the Friday preceeding or the Monday following the NCP's weekend - that time is included with the weekend. So if the weekend normally ends at 8am Monday morning and there is no school on Monday -the weekend ends at 8am on Tuesday.


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