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KennyR
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Reged: 09/13/11
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Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids
      #762356 - 09/13/11 09:41 AM

From July 2010 until March 2011, I had regular visitation with my 3 children, ages 5, 8, and 12. But in March of 2011, my ex called DCF about a supposed incident with my oldest son and filed an order of protection against me. I was not allowed any contact with my kids for two weeks. Then when we went to court, the order of protection was modified since DCF deemed the "incident" minor. I was then allowed to see my kids every other Saturday and Sunday from 10-5 provided I was with another adult.

I followed this modified order to a T for three months without any problems, even though my ex filed another false claim with DCF. This one could not be substantiated as my girlfriend was with us the entire time that it supposedly happened and testified to this when interviewed by DCF.

Then on Father's Day, despite the fact that our original custody arrangement stipulated that I would have the kids every Father's Day (just as she would have them every Mother's Day) in spite of whose weekend it was, my ex refused to let me see them that day. Instead, my children spent Father's Day with my ex and her fiancee. She "generously" offered to let me take them to dinner that night, so I took what I could get. My girlfriend and I took them to a restaurant close to my house. It was a busy night, the check came late, and we were running late getting the kids back by about 10 minutes. When we pulled into my parking lot, my ex was waiting, fuming mad.

I hugged and kissed my kids goodbye and she took off with them. About five minutes later, my girlfriend and I got into the car to return to her house when out of nowhere, my ex's fiancee pulls up beside me in his car. He starts yelling from his car that if I send one more email to my ex, he's going to kick my < edited >. He appeared drunk. Then he demanded that I get out of the car. I told my girlfriend to watch everything and call the police if he hit me. Well, sure enough, he came after me, hitting me several times in the face, chest, and back. He ripped my shirt completely in half. I did not hit him back.

My girlfriend called 911, but the fiancee got back in his car and drove away before an officer arrived. The officer took my statement and then issued a warrant for his arrest. He was later arrested for Assault and Battery.

Since that time, I have not seen my children. My ex is in direct violation of the court order that stipulates I can see my children provided I am with a third party. I filed a Contempt of Custody form against her with the court in Stamford, CT months ago, but won't have my day in court until September 19th. And even then, I don't know if I'll be able to prove my case. She is known as the "Safety Mom", and has used that label as a way to convince counselors, lawyers, and DCF that I am a danger to my kids.

I love my kids and they love me. I am not a danger or a threat to them. I have missed an entire summer of memories with them. I wasn't allowed to spend my son's 13th birthday with him. I didn't get to see my daughter on her 9th birthday. And I don't know if I'll be able to watch as my soon-to-be six-year-old blows out the candles on her birthday cake in November. But what can I do? My ex and her fiancee are intent on cutting me out of my childrens' lives completely. I feel so powerless to do anything but I can't stop fighting for my rights as a father. I love my children too much, and I know that they need me in their lives.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there anything I can do to get the court to force my ex to let me see my children again? Any advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Kenny R.


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asurvivor
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Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: KennyR]
      #762374 - 09/13/11 01:34 PM

You need to file contempt charges against your ex ASAP! And each time she violates the order you file contempt against her ....

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M5M5
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Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: KennyR]
      #762376 - 09/13/11 03:32 PM

Wow, this is eerily similar to what my DH went thru over a decade ago. His ex did the exact same thing to him. It started with the false accusations of abuse, the order of protections, then it wound up into a huge custody battle that lasted for 2 years. During those 2 years, he very rarely got to see the kids. You need an attorny ASAP, if you do not have one already. You need to record everything (see if it's legal in your state to record phone calls), ALWAYS have a witness with you when you see her/speak with her, make a journal and write down everything that happens, good or bad, that involves your and AND your kids. How are they doing in school? Have their grades been affected? Can you go have lunch with them?

Every time she denies you the kids, call the police. They can't do anything, but they can make a police report and that is your proof in court. File contempt as much as you can.

My DH wound up with sole custody, with BM having very limited time with the kids (and he had a "bank" of time to use for the almost 2 years of their lives he missed...he would take this bank of time on the BM's time, but there is still no making up for it). BM went to jail for perjury, but at that point, I think the judge was just looking for a chance to throw her in jail because of all the stuff she pulled and how much she hurt the kids. She was found guilty of psychologically abusing the kids, etc etc etc. But it was a long expensive battle.

Good luck!! Stick around here and find out all you can, because this site helped my DH a great deal when it came to his custody battle.


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KennyR
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Reged: 09/13/11
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Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: M5M5]
      #762380 - 09/13/11 04:30 PM

Thank you for the advice. I was calling the police at first, but they just say that they can't get involved since it's a civil matter.

The contempt of custody motion I filed is finally going to be reviewed by the judge in a few weeks, but it's taken over two months to even get on the schedule...which means I lost an entire summer with my children. Everybody I talk to about it can't believe that this woman who claims to be a an expert when it comes to "family well-being" is doing this to her kids. Because of her hatred of me, she is punishing me by keeping the kids away from me. But anyone who has their children's best interests at heart knows that depriving your children of a relationship with either parent is abusive and damaging.

Well, I can only hope that the judge can see through her "Safety Mom" facade when we go to court.

Sincerely,
KennyR


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M5M5
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Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: KennyR]
      #762423 - 09/14/11 01:09 AM

Yeah, the police will say that, but what they can do (and I would insist on this) is to make sure they file a report. And you can get a copy of that report to take to court with you as proof. Trust me, I understand completely where you are coming from. My husband lost almost 2 years with his kids...and he will never have those years back. For us? It took a 7 day custody trail for the judge to see thru the lies of my hubby's ex. We even had to pull the kids in to testify in court (not something I would recommend except in extreme cases) about what was going on. We had witnesses ranging from the school principal and soccer coaches to psychologists. It was awful and I hope it doesn't get that bad for you and your kids.

Please keep us updated on how things go with court. A good book I recommend reading is Divorce Poison. It talks about the affects of PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome...great tips in there on how to handle that kind of stuff). Good lucK!!


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KennyR
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Reged: 09/13/11
Posts: 6
Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: M5M5]
      #762846 - 09/20/11 10:54 AM

Well, spent all day in court on Monday, and didn't even get in front of the judge. Overcrowded courts to blame. But very frustrating since the ex continues to keep kids away from me. Another two weeks of this injustice before the contempt is revisited...meanwhile my kids continue to suffer because their mother is so full of hate.

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M5M5
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Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: KennyR]
      #762879 - 09/20/11 04:27 PM

That sucks, Kenny. Just don't give up, and keep documenting every single time she refuses to let you have the kids. What state are you in? Please let me know how your court date goes.

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KennyR
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Reged: 09/13/11
Posts: 6
Re: Despite court order, ex will not let me see kids [Re: M5M5]
      #763013 - 09/22/11 11:44 AM

I am in CT, Stamford courts. Will keep you posted as to what happens next. Thanks for your advice and thoughts.

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