LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I strongly disagree, at least in the northeast. I don't think moves are that difficult to get, particularly in THIS day and age. First, the economy and the severely depressed job markets and second, the vast technological capability to stay in touch.
I know from the stats my lawyer gave that the court I dealt with and the county next door, a vast majority of judges will nearly ALWAYS grant a move. I can't begin to count the number of people I know of know of, from THIS state, who have either been allowed to move into to it, or OUT of it, with a court not batting an eyelash. You're in a MUCH different geographic area M5 and things are MUCH different.
I have found, at least in this area (meaning NY and north) that I'm NOT even REMOTELY unusual and that, in fact, MANY parents have a long distance thing going on. VERY FIRST ferry ride we took? Who'd we meet? Kid and mom who have been doing this since the kid was one year old. It's just NOT the rarity you seem to believe it is.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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No offense but having BEEN in her shoes? I know EXACTLY what she's talking about :( Generally disinterested dad who SUDDENLY portrays himself as father of the year when a move comes up. BTDT. But, as the OP here is saying there's no talking about what's best for the CHILD, it's "me, me, me". "I'll lose time", "I won't get this". I have NO doubt what she's saying is true cuz I've lived it. In my ex's filing to block my move there was not ONE WORD about my daughter's best interest. NOT ONE. HIM, his OTHER daughter, the GRANDPARENTS but NOTHING about our daughter. Zilch. It was portrayed that I was TAKING AWAY something by moving but, as in this case? The REALITY was? It was something he never HAD. In my ex's case his argument was I was "taking away" overnights. He didn't TAKE any in THREE YEARS prior to the move.
And I will bet dollars to donuts what will happen in THIS case.. just what happened in mine. "Mediate" (which is what we basically did since it never went to trial) a "liberal" schedule. My lawyer said to me as we were riding the elevator downstairs the day we elocuted to the agreement "You DO realize, he's NEVER going to take anything remotely close to what he got?" and I said "oh, I think at least for the first year, he will".. and she said "Nope.. watch..." and sure as shyt, he had to request his summer time 2 weeks later. And he didn't take it all. And hasn't since. His 3 weeks summer vacation this year? Consisted of a NORMAL weekend, 'cept done up here rather than there. Out of 6 weeks in the last year+ he was supposed to have? Took 2. And won't be taking any more.. he's done with them. $9,000 and a complete waste of time.
The child? Has a fantastic life here. Totally different quality of life, good schools, safer, healthier, tons of friends and activities which, since I'm not commuting 3+ hours a day we can actually HAVE some kind of life. No brainer. Hell even my EX has said, many times, where we were was a PIT.. he said no one would live there if they didn't have to and HE isn't planning on staying, ultimately. But HAD to take me to court. It's just... amusing.
Anyway, if this guy isn't taking time now? He's already set himself up for failure. And attempting it at the 11th hour isn't going to win him a ton of favor either.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I actually think it is unusual to be granted a move unless you have sole custody- which was your case LB. I know of several cases where a move was not granted far south in NY- only pertaining to those with JOINT custody.
There was a story here that I followed for years- out of SC. Mother moved and the father went to court and the judge ORDERED the mother to move BACK (over 100 miles). She had to come back for the year it took to finish up the case. The judge did GRANT the move with the father receiving substantial time during breaks and summer. In this case the father did not have a normal visitation schedule for the first five years of the child's life and only wanted to have regular visitation once the mother decided to move.
It really could go either way, but it will (most likely) take time and money UNLESS both parents can come to an agreement.
To the OP--- I would seriously consider giving your X as much time as possible, if you believe your child would not benefit from long periods with her father then you should consider not moving. Children need both their parents and you all (both parents and the child) will have to get used to the idea that there will be extended amounts of time without the child.
Also, be prepared to pay all transportation costs since you are the one moving.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Your situation is different though LB- as you have stated countless times in the past this was your X's XW's fight NOT his. Unless there is a person behind this OP's X motivating him to stop the move- how could it be similar to your case?
And no offense to this OP, but I have seen firsthand a BM state that a parent doesn't want this, doesn't do this, doesn't pay CS, etc. etc, for sympathy--- so that they can find reason behind what they are doing. BM did it. BM went onto tell numerous lies about H and the "CS that he didn't pay", the "daughter he abandoned"...etc. Where is that child now? In the care of her father, as her mother refuses to have anything to do with her.
Edited- it's easy to say I think THIS is a possibility since it happened to me, but the opposite has surely happened to someone else.
Edited by Cassie23 (09/13/11 10:14 PM)
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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RM,
I am against move aways in most cases. but especially so if you have reason to be concerned for her safety when she is in her dad's care.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Yes, and my ex makes Britney Spears look like June Cleaver, but we are in the minority.
I do find it interesting that the entire time they are "non parents", we lament that they aren't better parents. Then when they do something correct, we begin to look for ulterior motives. Sometime we are correct, but if they spent time with the kids, and paid some of the bills, good on them, and lets hope this is the time you pull up and out.
One thing I have always given my ex credit for the times she pulls through, and the times she does something nice (I am not overburdened with my accounting of such events, LOL) and HOPED it was the start of a better path. Of course I am usually treated to a half hour long diatribe of her family, who are a myriad of interesting people.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I wasn't really just talking about my location (southeast), but for the 10 years I've been on this site...you can't imagine how many times this subject comes up and in most cases I think...the move-away is denied especially if there is an interested parent trying to stop the move (most of the time, it is a battle, not something "agreed"). Personally, I've never dealt with a move-away.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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It varies greatly from state to state. In mine (not the same as the OP), in state moves are often granted, but out of state are very difficult.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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That's a very good point. And I keep saying, geography (I think) has a LOT to do with it! On Long Island, let's say you're halfway out to the Hamptons.. look for a hotel and put in a 25 mile radius. Guess what? You're going to get hotels in CONNECTICUT because, in reality, over water? 25 miles will get you out of state. This state, the entire state is only 40 miles long! With my current 25 mile "restriction"? I CAN MOVE to TWO other states other than THIS state. It's just not that big a deal. And I think the courts figure once you're out of state....
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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[quote]Yes, and my ex makes Britney Spears look like June Cleaver, but we are in the minority.
------------>> Really? The minority? Must be me but I know very few GOOD exes. Like in dd's childcare, probably 50% of kids are from divorced homes. Maybe 10% of those have "good" divorce situations? Typically dad isn't around, pulling teeth to get child support yadda yadda. I have one of the BETTER situations, if that's an indication lol.
I do find it interesting that the entire time they are "non parents", we lament that they aren't better parents. Then when they do something correct, we begin to look for ulterior motives. Sometime we are correct, but if they spent time with the kids, and paid some of the bills, good on them, and lets hope this is the time you pull up and out.
One thing I have always given my ex credit for the times she pulls through, and the times she does something nice (I am not overburdened with my accounting of such events, LOL) and HOPED it was the start of a better path.[/quote]
------------>> Yes, I've done that... and been burned.. many times in the last almost 5 years. I accept (now) who my ex is and recognize it's not a function of malice it's simply limited in capability. He means well.. he just lacks the ability to follow through. It's fine. Like tonight, he's coming up for open house. Good for him, good for dd, but I am a realist. I didn't tell her it was an absolute. I also told her NOT to expect it to be a regular thing. It's great, it's wonderful but it's a special thing. Some might not agree, but it helps her immensely and she deals with everything very very well. It was funny to hear her tell her friends last night "and my dad MAY be coming... he says he is, but if he can't, that's OKAY so no one get upset if you don't get to meet him, okay?" My 30 year old trapped in a 5 year old body lol. It'll be a good thing. And I'm glad he's doing it. My only issue isn't really an "issue".. more a concern. I just need to do damage/fall out control which is done and handled. (another issue we have is dd is VERY into the idea that dad and I will reconcile.. this visit may not help with diminishing that idea so that's part of "damage control").. probably doesn't help that we are NOT a fighting divorced couple. We get along very well, we talk like old friends and we've both told her we ARE friends.. lifelong best friends. So it's hard to reconcile that with "why aren't you together??" I'm sure.
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