Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"Anyway, it's funny.. those who are most vehement.. let's see.. you've kept your children close by.. kept dad involved, blah blah blah. Isn't your daughter struggling with her relationship with dad? M5.. dad was involved.. stepdaugher doesn't want to go there anymore. Yeah, staying close by REALLY helped those relationships.. BAER. It's just funny to listen to you guys preach about "you gotta stay within spitting distance and live your life for your children" and all of you have NCP/child relationship issues.. Hmm... just sayin'..."
Of course there is more to a parent/child relationship than physical distance, that's a given. Does anyone really believe that if Mr. M5 had been less involved and moved away, his relationship with his dd would be better? Or if YAH's ex hadn't moved, it would be worse? As a general rule, physical closeness is related to a better relationship... and while your dd's dad sees his child more now, you've noticed how it wears on her and tires her out, to the point that your preference would be cutting dad's parenting time in half. Extending his time is out due to her returning sick and with major behavioral issues after spending time with dad... dad working 2 full time jobs severely limits his ability to go see his daughter... and dd is not into phone calls... I hope I am wrong for your dd's sake, but I'm not seeing how there can be a healthy father/child relationship in the long run unless there are some changes.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1755
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Best thing I ever did was move in the SAME SUBDIVISION when Exhole moved 25 miles further away than where we originally lived. Now DS can ride his bike/dirtbike over to visit me, I can run things to him, or copy stuff off the Internet, he can run fundraisers, etc. over to me.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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>>>Good for you, so do I :) And I'm very well aware of your situation and frankly? Not a good example for proving your argument.. at ALL. And the move-away as I recall was NOT a very big distance.. at all. In your mind it was, but it really wasn't.<<<
Ummm...you're wrong. He chose to move two hours away from his kids. It DOES impede his relationship with them. It DOES impede his time with them. It DOES impede his availability to be a part of their lives.
>>>further when YOU were considering moving THEN it was fine and dandy EXCEPT you expected dad, JUST because he moved "first" to bear the lion's share of responsibility even though you were moving TOO.<<<
Ummm...I would have been moving CLOSER to him. And yes, I would have still expected him to cover the driving of the distance he created.
>>>It is what it is. And I'd be willing to bet the girl's issues have far more to do with stuff NOT to do with her father, than they do with him.<<<
And considering I actually know the situation, I know better.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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You and I have 2 vastly different opinions on what makes a good parent. I never said he was a bad GUY, I said he was a bad parent...and he is. Sorry, he just sucks at it. I believe he does love your daughter as much as he is capable of it, but he still sucks at parenting.
"As for SL.. she's not a stepparent, she's not a PARENT, she's not even remotely qualified or experienced to have an opinion. Period. Why she's here boggles my mind quite frankly. As a single, childless person THE last place I'd be is on a divorce site. MUCH better things to do in life than hang out here and give advice about crap one known next to nothing about."
This? I mostly agree with you on.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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You make a good point, Sherron.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Um? Know the history before you spout! SD doesn't want to come over because mom is more fun (money) right now. That won't last long. Dad can still go to her soccer games to see her, can still go to any school function to see her, etc. She lives just a few miles from here. This weekends is her weekend with dad...maybe she will make an appearance. Point is, dad is still very much involved in her life and not just the EOW aspect. He doesn't live his life for his child, but he is very involved...and is that jealousy I hear? I'm sorry you have such a piss poor father for your child, but try not to make out all others to be the same with their kids.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Um, her dad did move too far...don't forget where she lives, PM. I live in east TN...and 7 hours from me has us sitting on the coast of SC or GA and that's with very little traffic. That is ALOT of driving to do (and this OP wants to go even further than that).
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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LB: "As for SL.. she's not a stepparent, she's not a PARENT, she's not even remotely qualified or experienced to have an opinion. Period. Why she's here boggles my mind quite frankly. As a single, childless person THE last place I'd be is on a divorce site. MUCH better things to do in life than hang out here and give advice about crap one known next to nothing about."
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While I'm not generally a SL fan (and I believe she's not a fan of mine either....) she DOES get to have an opinion.
Everyone gets to have an opinion on this issue.....not just other's who are involved or potentially involved with move aways. In the end, OP will try to fight for what she believes is right for her family. It's 'normal' for her to tend to focus on what is advantageous to her. I think it's reasonable for her to also hear 'the other side.'
Like SL, I have no personal experience with possible move aways. I still have a valid opinion on whether I believe they are right or wrong. I think if you make a baby with someone, and commit to living in a certain area to raise a family, you should do everything humanly possible to keep that commitment. The RIGHT thing to do is still the RIGHT thing to do, even when it's more convenient to do something else.
Personally, I think many places in RI are nicer places to raise kids than many places on LI. That doesn't mean I would chose to move a child away from their other parent....it means I would have planned where I wanted to raise my kids BEFORE I started having them. For me, being close to extended family was VERY important. I chose to settle near that family instead of having kids elsewhere then claiming I had to move to be near family when the marriage went south to justify a move. That doesn't apply directly to OP, just to many of the move away threads here.
I'm not saying that I never think move aways are the best thing to do....so much depends on the particulars, like the NCP's involvement. In this case, the safety of the child with NCP is also a concern
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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[quote]No, not really YAH, not in this day and age. Again, THE simplest thing? DON'T DIVORCE. THAT is the ultimate solution. I really can't grasp the antiquated ideas folks have. Really I don't. [/quote]
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That was my solution and you've criticized that.....
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Your choice to stay in your marriage had to do with MONEY. I remember when you came on here and you had this expectation and that of what he should give you to survive otherwise you couldn't have the kids. You were told you weren't going to get it, you had a hissy fit but lo and behold.. sure enough... you realized you weren't going to get what you wanted $$$-wise, so you stuck around.
A wee bit different than choosing to stay in your marriage for the children and NO other reason than that. If you'd gotten the bucks you'd thought you deserved? You'd have been OUTTA there WITH your children (because again, i remember that VERY clearly, NO WAY were you going to be NCP and you weren't going to have that but HE should pay for it).
So yeah I've criticized your solution.. it wasn't altruistic for your children's benefit, it was selfish for your own.
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