philliesgranny54
recently joined
Reged: 09/18/11
Posts: 8
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It's been a long time coming, but hub has finally agreed to a divorce. He wants to go the mediation route because we simply can't afford lawyers. He makes at least $80K a year, but he works his butt off for it and we have the usual bills - mortgage, credit card (1), 2 car payments etc. As far as I know, we're still basically living paycheck to paycheck.
We've been married 35+ years, the usual "he said, I said", "he did, I did" etc, etc. He can claim 'abandonment of intimacy' on my part, I can claim 2 affairs on his part (1 confirmed, 1 not). We're still living in the same house, but I've been in my own bedroom for almost 2 years.
I know that going with a lawyer is the best way to go, but neither of us have thousands of dollars to argue over what we don't have, i.e. boat, vacation house, tons of stock, etc. After his last affair, I have been suspicious of EVERYTHING, so I study the checkbook and sneak peaks at his cell phone, online work account, whatever I can think of.
He said that he'd make a proposal for me to agree to, or not. He's a butthead but he's not a butthead, if that makes any sense, so I don't think  he'd try to rake me over the coals.
So I guess my question is, should I wait for hub's proposal and have a lawyer look it over, or should I just bank on my knowledge of his overall financial status? I have no idea of how much spousal support I should ask for. I do have some knowledge of legal support in NJ and what legal/important papers I should copy, i.e. pay stubs, life insurance policy, 401K, tax returns etc.
For what it's worth, I do have an $8.00 an hour, full time job. Not a very big paycheck, but at least I have a job. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thx.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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Mediation is highly recommended. Suggest that both parties come to the mediation with a financial affidavit listing income, assets and liabilities, and living expenses. If am mediated agreement is reached, you can sign it with the proviso that you have 10 days to have an attorney look it over and sign off on it, or it becomes null. If you do sign off on it, make sure the final settlement agreement provides for full disclosure, so ghat if he is hiding anything you can set the agreement aside for fraud. In general though, it's a sound idea to mediate. It will save you both a lot of money in attorney fees.
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