darylv1
recently joined
Reged: 09/19/11
Posts: 1
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Hi all, new to the forum. Separated in May 2009, settled in January 2011. Why it took so long is another story for another board on the forum. Anyway, hoping someone can share some advice...
I have joint custody and my ex-wife is PPR for our two children, ages 6 and 4, with my having about 30% of overnights. My settlement has me paying, until July 2013, 100% of the mortgage and home equity loan on our jointly owned home that she and the kids live in unless it sells before then, and 100% of utilities, cable tv, internet, tuition, all joint debt, two lump sum cash payments totaling $12,500, $100 weekly unallocated support, kids' health insurance, all additional medical expenses for the kids, etc. If the house sells, it reverts to normal alimony until July 2013 and child support, but realistically, the house isn't going to sell in this market any time soon.
At the time of settlement, I was living with my parents, who were feeding and clothing me and my boys when they were with me, and I was left with $195 a month after I paid for my car, car insurance, life insurance, and train transportation to get to work. I accepted these terms because I was advised by my attorney that these terms were better than any court would ever give me. Also, my attorney informed me that while in chambers, the judge told him that I would need to borrow from my parents for day to day living expenses. The judge knew my father was a physician, but realistically they already gave me $60,000 toward my legal fees, and he is retiring and selling their house next year, so borrowing from them is no longer an option. It's now 10 months later. I have since moved in with my girlfriend. While she doesn't ask for a dime from me, I still have expenses that go along with supporting myself and my boys that I did not have living with my parents. In addition, a number of bills from the settlement increased, and we are no longer getting raises at work. As a result, of my $99,000 salary, I am negative $25 per month, and that doesn't even include feeding and clothing myself and other basic necessities, or account for a likely increase in health insurance at the beginning of the year.
My ex worked 3 shifts per week as a waitress while we were married, but immediately dropped a shift after we separated. Just recently, she dropped another shift, so currently, she's working about 3 hours per week. Prior to having kids, she worked full time as a marketing coordinator for a center city law [censored]. I realize that what she does is none of my business but the fact is that I can't even afford to eat lunch every day of the week at this point.
She is unwilling to help in any way, even by contributing to her high-def cable tv and DVR, and she complains that she can't even afford halloween costumes for the kids. Yet, the unallocated support money I'm giving her is going toward a brand new $28,000 car.
I've done, and continue to do everything possible to keep current on every one of these settlement terms. I am not a deadbeat dad. I make every sacrifice I can to make sure the boys are cared for and have everything they need and that children their age should have. But a year and a half of Pendente Lite expenses totaling over
$90,000 forced me to cash in my retirement and savings and sell most of my personal belongings. My credit cards continue to sky rocket. I have nothing left at this point.
What can I do? I've read horror stories online about the unfavorable outcomes of Lepis motions. I am confident that I can put together a strong motion on my own with volumes of supporting documentation, but is it even worth the effort? My only viable alternative at this point would be bankruptcy, but I've maintained really good credit through all of this, never missing a payment on any bill in 17 years of paying bills. It would be terrible to have to do that.
When the settlement was read on the record, the judge asked each of us if we'd be able to live a comparable lifestyle to what we had (or something along those terms). She answered "yes". I answered "As long as our jointly owned house is not sold, no, I won't be able to." He didn't say anything. Why did he ask?
Am I entitled to live on my own, and be able to take care of myself, or will the court tell me to now borrow from my girlfriend, or move back in with my parents? I'm not asking for a fortune here, nor am I asking for a lifestyle comparable to what I had when I was married. But some relief so I can buy some food, or get my work
clothes dry cleaned, or buy my kids Christmas gifts would be helpful. I am already working full time, including some weekends, and have been at the same job for 12 years. I can't do anything more, but my ex (a college graduate with kids in school and plenty of free time and plenty of babysitting options) has the ability to work
an evening or two or even three a week. Is it likely that the courts will actually help me? Or are the horror stories I read online where judges tell men to get second jobs actually true and realistic?
I'd like to take this a step further and ask what happens after July 2013, when my only obligation is child support. Surely, the $1100 a month or so I give her then won't be enough for her to even rent an apartment, let alone feed and clothe the kids and pay for other expenses. I've read stories of mothers in those exact
situations asking the courts for more money from the father, and getting it. Could this actually happen?
Thank you so much for your time.
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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Depending on your debt BK may be the best option. If you have over 40K debt then file BK. In 2013 you will be in sweet shape. Unless you plan on buying a new house soon, what difference does a credit score make?
As far as the lepis motion, that sounds like a fancy word for reduction. Judge will want to see a change in circumstance. Your situation seems the same as it was in Jan 2011. You moved out of your parents house, but that doesn't count as a change in income.
As far as your ex, she's not your problem. I would be content if my ex was living under a bridge. When a woman dumps her husband, she better plan on getting a job. Or in my ex's case, getting remarried.
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