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NewStart2011
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Reged: 02/05/11
Posts: 3
registered sex offender father
      #729553 - 02/05/11 05:34 PM

Understanding, many of your first gut reactions is "no registered sex offender should be a father." But I am still a father and care for my children. My child was never involved, AND, there was never an actual victim involved. Next question is why registered? Convicted for chatting to an undercover officer in [censored] chat about cybersex. Wrong? Yes. Accountable? Yes. Paying consequences? Dearly. Why? depression and not dealing with my own abuse/issues. Actions now? In-depth therapy and trying to piece together a life. Note, not all offenders are the boogeyman. A local married couple recently were charged for having intimate relations on the beach, resulting in a charge for indecent exposure, yet now register as if they assaulted someone. Everyone is ranked in same classification. But nevertheless, I am a monster to everyone.

I have a baby due any day with my current supportive wife. My 7 year old daughter removed due to my criminal actions, that I regret every hour.

NOTE: Ex-Spouse. Diagnosed boarder line personality disorder, drug addict, enmeshed with daughter. Share a two bedroom condo with maternal parents. Share the same bedroom, bed, etc. etc. Sickning yes.

So here is where I seek help. I found out that my child custody case is being moved from CA to CO. Reopened only to obtain child support, which was refused in order to obtain state benefits, thinking she was going to get more out of it. Yes as tax payers you paid for it also. Ex wants only money, NO VISITATION, not even monitored.

I have no problem with paying child support. All I am asking is to see my daughter in a positive setting; that mom does not continue to tell daughter that "daddy is a horrible man, be very afraid of him. If he loved you, he would not have gotten himself in trouble." YES I feel (&^$&(^$ about myself. I am actively working to better myself.

DO I EVER HAVE ANY HOPE TO BE PART OF HER LIFE IN A POSITIVE WAY? SHOULD I CONTINUE TO CALL HER ALONG WITH THE COURT ORDERED VISITATION OF 3 TIMES A WEEK, NOT EXCEEDING 30 MINUTES PER CALL, UPON EX-SPOUSES SCHEDULING. SHOULD I TRY EVEN TO SEEK MONITORED VISITATION.

REGARDLESS, THIS CHILD WILL NEED THERAPY AND HAVE MANY PROBLEMS IF PROPER INTERVENTION IS NOT IMPLEMENTED.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO? HOW DO I DO IT?


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Miranda
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
Re: registered sex offender father [Re: NewStart2011]
      #729582 - 02/05/11 08:16 PM

Have you spoken to an attorney? This is not going to be an easy hill for you climb with out one.

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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NewStart2011
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Reged: 02/05/11
Posts: 3
Re: registered sex offender father [Re: Miranda]
      #729587 - 02/05/11 08:45 PM

Miranda,
Thank you for your brief reply. YES I have sought an attorney and understand this is going to be similar to a one legged rear kicking contest. I will say to you, and to the other readers, that I do understand the position I am in with regards to the legal system. I want what is best for my daughter. I am not going to really bother with asking for any type of custody, for it seems fruitless at this point with my situation. I would like visitation, even if its monitored by a thousand authorities. I know the cards are stacked high, but we all deserve a second chance. I will be happy to pay support, even though I know in the past it went to substances and other debts non related to my daughter, but I would like to see my child. I have not seen her in almost a year, not even a picture, while I went through the system. At 7 years old, regardless of circumstances, any child that age should not be privy to convoluted divorce and living circumstances of either parent. That is to go for people not in my situation. Kids need to be kids and they know way more than we give credit for and way more than they should for their age. So I am at a loss for what is the right thing to seek and do. It is somewhat selfish to want my child and her heart, but again, isn't that what all parents want. Thank you and to the rest for kind words of wisdom. For this is a new start for me.


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gr8Dad
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Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 31353
Re: registered sex offender father [Re: NewStart2011]
      #729593 - 02/05/11 10:37 PM

One question for you. You are her father, would YOU want YOU around her? You are a child molestor (and don't give me the "I was just talking online..." because it requires more than that, it requires at LEAST an intent to ACT on the molestation). If your ex had a boyfriend that was a sex offender, you would fight tooth and nail to keep him away FOREVER , no second chances.

You need to walk away, pay your child support and hope she doesn't meet someone like you.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Debi
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Re: registered sex offender father [Re: gr8Dad]
      #729662 - 02/06/11 05:53 PM

(and don't give me the "I was just talking online..." because it requires more than that, it requires at LEAST an intent to ACT on the molestation).

No it doesn't.. My x was arrested on possession of child p0rn, on probation for three years, had to do group classes with other sex offenders and has to register as a sex offender for the next 25 years. He has to report any vehicle he buys during that time. He didn't make any contact with anyone. He purchased pictures. He retains 50/50 placement and I was told by the guardian ad litem that if my kids were boys she would be concerned but she wasn't because they were girls.

That said I get very tired of hearing "there was no real victim". That's ONLY because you (the OP) managed to be communicating with a police officer and not the underage child you thought you were. Do I have a lot of sympathy for you? No and I agree with gr8dad......if this were your x's boyfriend there is no way in HELL you'd want your child around him and you wouldn't buy the "no real victim" crap either.

My experience tells me you won't have as much of a problem getting visitation as everyone thinks, although I think anyone who even thinks about a child in a sexual way should be banned from being alone with them FOREVER.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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BenFranklin
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Reged: 07/03/11
Posts: 1
Re: registered sex offender father [Re: Debi]
      #754191 - 07/03/11 08:09 AM

lawyer up real heavy!! Your as only as good as the justice you can afford...

--------------------
://[censored].ingroundsafetyshelter.com] Tornado Shelters


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Max71
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Reged: 09/28/11
Posts: 14
Re: registered sex offender father [Re: BenFranklin]
      #764390 - 10/07/11 07:01 PM

While it's terrible what you did, don't let people convince you you're a horrible individual, at least not any more so than the next guy. If everybody had their sins tattooed to their foreheads as you've had yours, they wouldn't be so quick to point you out as an unworthy father.

Simply, you made a terrible mistake you're paying for dearly. Just like anybody should do, you should get your life in order and fight to be a better person. It means avoiding the temptation, it means finding means of distraction when your thoughts should stray... It's a fight you can win, but use the tools given to you and pray for the grace to do it. What makes your particular situation different is you have a temptation to do things harmful to children. Avoiding the temptation might mean you yourself should seek a type of oversight. Here's where you have an advantage over the average "point out your sins whilst in denial of his own" Joe. You have no way to avoid actually dealing with them. You have an opportunity to genuinely improve yourself with the gift of humility. People only walk around like self righteous, hold your head high peacocks so they can deny to themselves and everybody else they're waist deep in poo.

Do everything you can to be a good father. If you're looking to take the right precautions with supervision there's no reason you shouldn't be pursuing every avenue you can to be a good father. Cooperation, communication and patience before attorneys and fighting. For goodness sake, avoid temptation.

Prayers


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