ViannaB
recently joined
Reged: 10/10/11
Posts: 2
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Last month my husband was arrested for 2 felony counts of threats with a firearm against our two daughters and a 4th degree misdemeanor for striking me. This is not the first time he hit me, the girls and I were on our way out when he told me he would shoot them if I left. We got to a safe place the next day and reported it. He was arrested and is now staying with his family 300 miles away. His lawyer has asked me if I want this to go to trial.
I need some advice: all I really want is full custody of my daughters, a divorce, and for him to get mental health therapy. We have a no contact order in place and we are all finally relaxed. None of us really want to talk to him right now, but it is really confusing to have been with someone nearly 20 years and to be ready to never see him again. I feel guilty.
Anyway thoughts on going through with a trial or pursuing a pled bargain would be greatly appreciated.
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Renny
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Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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I would tell his lawyer what you stated here, that you want a divorce and sole custody of your children. The usual restraining order language should be in the divorce agreement, meaning stay away for a year, renewable, and limited supervised visitation. The folks in the domestic violence unit may be able to help you further.
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KristinH82
recently joined
Reged: 10/17/11
Posts: 10
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I would not speak to his lawyer - the district atty who is prosecuting this should be the only one speaking to his lawyer.
Is there currently a restraining order /order of protection in place? If so, his lawyer should NOT be contacting you as this is considered third party contact on behalf of your soon to be ex husband.
If there is no RO/OOP in effect, I would take your police report from the incident, and quickly get to the county court where you live and file a formal request for a RO/OOP in family court.
It is time consuming but well worth it if you feel your safety and the safety of your children are in jeopardy. Regardless of the fact that he is 300 mi away, I would still file it because ultimately the judge will see you being consistent in wanting/needing protection otherwise if you dont follow through it runs the risk of you looking like you're exaggerating it just to get the upper hand in the divorce. Fair? Not in any way. It almost re-victimizes the victim to have to jump through all of these hoops, but it is a necessary part of the process to show how serious you are about it and how scared you are.
If you dont feel unsafe, then dont file for a RO/OOP. But I still would NOT have any contact whatsoever with his lawyer.
If there is no district atty prosecuting this, then you have to get your own lawyer. This is for your protection and although expensive, well worth it to protect your kiddos.
Hope that helps! (and yes, the RO/OOP can be rolled into any divorce agreement made)
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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I thought you had a TRO. If not, by all means, get one. The TRO is an immediate remedy to protect you and your family. You can speak to opposing counsel if you are representing yourself in the TRO, as most do. Most counties thesecdys have excellent free help in domestic violence cases.
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