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mystuff
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Reged: 10/26/11
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HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS
      #765859 - 10/27/11 04:15 PM

I am totally unaware of the status of any of the joint obligations I have with my H regarding our home, insurances, and any other joint agreements. He gets all the mail from the PO box daily and GIVES me what he wants me to see/have. He does not give me copies (I have asked) of the mortgage, home equity, insurance bills, property taxes (we own two homes - total of three property taxes and all of the properties are deeded in both our names..debts as well.) I am living in the dark. I cant approach him. I have, get nowhere..he gets VERY angry and says he is paying the bills so what the BLEEP do I care etc...he can get abusive. I am very concerned especially over a piece of property that we co own that I used my entire inheritance to pay for half of that property....I will lose it all if he defaults on the Tax bill...if I call the tax office and they report it to him (by way of mail that he will intercept) then I risk him being violent. CAN YOU TELL ME HOW I CAN HANDLE THIS...is there some law (Maryland) that states that a spouse needs to be informed of joint debts..as in the mail he is not sharing with me. I forgot this...we file joint taxes...I have to per his say so. I am on a medical disabiltiy thru my previous job and SS Disability as well...he does not share any of the facts regarding income on his end..he just gives me the pages to sign and thats it. No info, no conversation..I am being totally controlled as he knows I will have no way to live on my own without his help. Thanks.

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: mystuff]
      #765860 - 10/27/11 04:24 PM

If the debts are joint, you're entitled to a copy of anything that the companies send, the mail comes in both your names. Take out a PO box yourself and call each company, explain the situation and ask that a second bill be sent to the address that you give them. Keep in mind, that if he defaults on any of the bills, they're going to come after you.

You're going to have to find a way to live on your own without his help dear -- that's just a fact of life. Even if he was ordered to pay you something, do you really think he's going to pay it?

You do NOT have to file joint taxes you can file married, separate return -- and keep in mind that if eh's filing thaxes incorrectly, you are liable also as a signature on the forms. Decline to sign them without all the information being fiiled.

You will continue to be controlled as long as you permit it.


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mystuff
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Reged: 10/26/11
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #766132 - 10/31/11 12:25 AM

<<<<You will continue to be controlled as long as you permit it. >>>>

THANKS for your input...the simple statement above says it all, doesnt it..what the hell is the matter with me...i am not a weak person and cant believe i have allowed this to go on for so many years...seriously.
I took your advice (sorta) and did email the division that handles the property tax on a joint place we own..i know those taxes are due NOW...yet he has not said one word to me other then..he does not have the money to pay them..no plans, no discussion.....and no update. I am hoping that the department will contact me ... i did as u suggested and asked them to send a separate bill in MY name..but for now it has to come here as I have no additional po box..i have to see where I can get one...that really was a good suggestion. For years I have been BEGGING to have a mailbox installed out in front of our home so I could just wak out and get my mail...NOPE..never happened even if I purchased it....I have had special mail regarding MY animals sent to me via my sons address..but that was years ago...this is not a new problem here...thats why I am still in the state of confusion as to why I have not done anything other then mouth off...........again, thanks for the support...


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connie60
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: mystuff]
      #779506 - 03/10/12 06:49 PM

I am also going through the same type thing. My husband is a very underhanded person, very sly. I learned this through our years of marriage. He has had some of my bills come to our house, which he is still in, and not let me know about it, causing me to have late bills. He can smile and talk to you very nicely, while stabbing you in the back at the same time.

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BeachBabeRN
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Reged: 01/16/06
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: connie60]
      #779507 - 03/10/12 06:53 PM

Time to contact the bill companies connie and have them direct YOUR bills to YOUR address -- should have done that the day before you moved out of the house.

Again, it's a control issue and if you don't take every step possible BEFORE you leave, you'll find yourself in a financial and credit mess.


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connie60
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: connie60]
      #779508 - 03/10/12 06:55 PM

Like others have said, its a good thing to get in touch with all of your bill collectors and let them know whats going on. Thats what i have been doing. also, make sure that the post office is notified of your new address. I have done this several times, and it has helped a bit. When you send in change of address forms to the post office, make sure you make one out for every name you could be called. Example: If you go by Beth Smith most of the time, remember, you could have also used Elizabeth Smith, or Beth A. Smith, or Beth Anderson smith, or Elizabeth A. Smith. I have mumtiple names, so i have done this a few times to make sure i am getting all of my mail.

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connie60
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Re: HUSBAND CONFISCATES ALL THE JOINT MAIL-BILLS [Re: connie60]
      #779509 - 03/10/12 06:59 PM

Its a shame that we have to live this way, but sometimes we have to get hardened to it and take care of ourselves. This is not just for women, but for men also. Try not to get to upset, if at all possible. I do understand and live with, well what will he do next??? I have just gone online and paid a small amount to the credit companies, so far my credit has been untouched. I know it seems that we have to be detectives, but its all worth it in the end. This is not my first rodeo. Best of luck hun....

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