yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Shanti,
After reading all of your posts, you absolutely are nothing but a gold digger, which is very sad. You have zero value as a human being, only when you spread your crack.
There are women out there who are human beings, you are not one of them, jes' sayin'...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Shanti
newbie
Reged: 10/29/11
Posts: 36
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To answer about the house being half million dollars in a 47k. The house cost $319 when we bought it in 1999. I put in 200k from a money I got when my father passed away. I never knew that a few years later I'd be getting a divorce. Had I known it I'd have got an apartment as a separate property for me. I did consider using part of the money for education but I had to stay home with the kids because he worked 52 hours a week and wouldn't budge of staying with the kids while I pursued an education. He did say over and over again during our marriage that the reason we didn't have a mortgage was because of me. We haven't had a mortgage sense 2007. Once you have a mindset that having a mortgage is the norm you just have to have one, so he went and got a yacht that he knew he couldn't afford but thought the business could...but then came the bad economy.
The reason I want the house so bad is that I am in a foreign country with not a single family member here. So I need it as a security. Somehow he has father, mother, siblings, business that he has worked for 30 years and a professional license.
I can not return to my country where I have family because now I have my children here.
In relation to the gas. The only reason I consider asking is that the business has always paid for the gas (gas card) for my gas, stbx's gas, his father's gas, his stbx's father's gas e.t.c and I know he doesn't keep track of anything the business books are a mess.
Yregna, I am not a gold digger I just made the wrong choice to stay home with the kids instead of getting an education. I am so grounded that I used my inheritance to pay a house. He is the gold digger (towards his business) who gets a yacht and have the business pay for it, who gave my car as a down payment in a brand new luxurious BMW ( i think it cost over 80k) and gave me his old car to use. Which is the car I use to this day...leaking oil and all. Btw even the cars are in the name of the business...if we are talking about gold diggers.
By keeping the house I am protecting my children from a financial irresponsible father.
Edited by Shanti (11/03/11 02:48 PM)
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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You really need an attorney. I am not sure what California law says about inheritance money - in some states it is protected, others not so much. But I can tell you the judge will order the house sold in some form. Either he will give it to one of you and order you to pay (get a mortgage or whatever) the other person their equity OR order it sold and split the profits. What you want is not realistic. Given his income I doubt he could GET a mortgage to pay out your equity. And you have zero income. So most likely selling the house is a given. What percentage of the equity you/he get will depend on other factors. That is why - if I were him - I wouldn't take that deal.
If I were going to truly offer a deal (before I paid a lawyer) it would have to actually BE a deal. Like you get the house (you can rent it out, sell it, whatever you want) he gets the yacht and its debt, he gets the retirement accounts, he gets the other marital debt (unless it is clearly yours post separation), CS set by the guidelines of his income at 47k and based on who has actual custody, split the tax deductions each year and alternate years when their is an odd number, and you waive any claim to alimony.
Everything simple, very little cashing out splitting etc. makes it more appealing to someone.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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That's a decent proposal ellismom. Why not try it, Shanti?
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Shanti
newbie
Reged: 10/29/11
Posts: 36
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I just sent him the proposal. Will see if he will take, reject or suggest some changes. The credit card debts that I mention (our only debts per se) are of about 20k. The other reason for my strange suggestion on custody that I don’t mention in my proposal is that I doubt I’ll be able to afford more than a one bedroom apartment and I know my kids will not want to go with me when they have all their stuff already in place in this four bedroom house.
The following is what I sent:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
This is my proposal:
I keep the ownership of the house, and relinquish my rights to alimony.
We pay off the personal debts with the retirement and you keep the rest.
That is of course if we would qualify to petition the money from the 401 k based on financial hardship..
In my proposal I move out and you stay home with the kids. We have three options here. We do a 80 x 30 custody or 50 x 50 custody or you take full custody of the kids and I get visitation. You may think these options are strange. My only reason is that it would will free you up from child support payments and you can write off the 3 kids on the exemptions for taxes purposes. Not having to pay alimony, child support or credit card debts should free you up of some money.
When you are better financially and I move to a permanent address we can rearrange the custody.
If you opt for full custody I would negotiate with you a generous visitation plan and I would pick up Stephanie from school. This way I have time with her and you don’t have to spend money on child care.
The advantages of this proposal is that I will not have to go thru paper trail to get my inheritance money back, I will not have to hire a CPA to go over your books or anything related to your business.
Pretty much everything the same minus the wife. You continue to live in the house, you keep the kids, you continue to have the boat on the weekends, you will not have to be spending money with credit card debts, alimony, day care or child support. Although I would still collect rent for the house. Hopefully I’ll find work soon and I’ll try to schedule whatever work I find in a way so I’d be able to pick up Stephanie from school and be with her until you can pick her up after your work.
Again I have no intention to sell the house. I think that my suggestions would be the least disterruptive for you and the kids. I know the business is really bad and you can’t see the light in the end of the tunnel but you have a professional license you can reconstruct your life.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Why do you want a divorce so badly?
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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There are three children but you're only going to pick one up from school and spend time with her?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Shanti
newbie
Reged: 10/29/11
Posts: 36
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The other two drive to and from school. That is all I meant. I didn't mean to imply I wouldn't spend time with them.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3153
Loc: SC
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This--> "When you are better financially and I move to a permanent address we can rearrange the custody. "
You need to really think this through. While I see your logic in having the kids stay put and him taking the house, just because you may agree now to 'rearrange' the custody later, doesn't mean it will happen. If he changes his mind you will have an uphill battle trying to regain custody. Check out the Custody and Visitation board on this site and you'll find any number of threads where the mother couldn't get custody after a status quo was set.
Example: You get settled and say "I'm ready to take the kids now" and he says No. You have to hire a lawyer and he hires one. His lawyer says He is the stable parent, He has the house, He has been the primary caregiver all this time. All of which is true. You will be painted as being a transient parent if you move more than once, every doctor appt you miss because of work will make you 'uninvolved'. If you're not contributing to the cost of raising the kids (whether there's an order to or not) he could call you a deadbeat. You may think he wouldn't do this, and I'd have to say if thats what you think, fine. But his daddy owns a business - would grandpa subsidize his legal costs if it came down to it? Would your stbx allow himself to be led by daddy because he didn't want to be disinherited???
Furthermore, IF the kids are stable and well-adjusted by that point why would you want to move them? A judge will wonder that too.
Again - ck the other threads on the Custody board and go back a couple of years. Heck post a thread there and ASK if anyone had issues like this. Don't make this decision without doing a worse case scenario evaluation.
I say ask for joint and set the schedule however is necessary. You're going to paint yourself into a corner if you agree to be the NCP.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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Shanti
newbie
Reged: 10/29/11
Posts: 36
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javajunkiee, thank you for your post. I will check the Custody and Visitation board to learn more about it but your post was enough for me. I won't do it.
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