c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Ds lost a math textbook. This is SOOOOO unlike him -- he has never lost *anything* and I mean anything: toys, money, clothes, books, electronics, nothing. Even when he was a small child -- he always took care of everything and knew where it was. Never tore anything up or destroyed it.
Exhole says he doesn't have $$ to replace it. They're broke. <surprise surprise> DS HAD several hundred dollars, Exhole 'borrowed' it & hasn't paid it back yet.
So guess who's going to end up paying $70 for the textbook??
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"So guess who's going to end up paying $70 for the textbook??"
Ds.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Ds....as it should be.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Well you could pay the money and have him work it off with chores. You could also say that because he is so responsible with his belongings that this was a one time mistake and pay for the book. You could also say that you're not the CP and leave it up to them to determine how to handle it.
I hate when BM borrows money from my SS, she EVENTUALLY pays it back...eventually.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Except DS is missing assignments and his grade is going to drop FAST. He HAS to have a textbook.
<sigh> I wish the Exhole could actually BE the CP sometimes.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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To begin with, if he doesn't have the money, he doesn't have the money. Secondly, how, EXACTLY, does a thread by you about your CHILD losing a textbook turn into a "Crap on the ex" thread? This is SOLELY your child's fault.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Quite honestly, if one of my kids lost a textbook right now, they would be screwed for a while. I may be the CP, that doesn't mean I shyt money.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Yea, I am no stranger to the CP not behaving as the CP. I just look at each situation and say, OK what is best for the kids here, and go that route.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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[quote]I wish the Exhole could actually BE the CP sometimes. [/quote]
Well, do you suppose there has EVER been anything that he footed the cost for that you didn't share in? As CP, I imagine he has.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Ummmm, like what? He pays for food, clothing, shelter, shoes, jackets, bikes. I pay for the same. No extracurriculars involved. Ex pays for lunches on his time; I pay for lunches on my time. I give DS an allowance. No allowance from Ex's house. DS bought his Xbox for Dad's house; I bought the one for my house. I pay for DS's cell. I pay 1/2 of all medical and any prescriptions that may be involved.
So no, honestly I cannot think of ONE THING that Exhole has furnished for DS that I don't also furnish.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"honestly I cannot think of ONE THING that Exhole has furnished for DS that I don't also furnish"
How about a home free from the CONSTANT verbal abuse of the other parent?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"I give DS an allowance."
I would suggest a discussion with ds where you tell him that the allowance does not happen until the cost of the textbook has been made up.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Good News! After contacting the HS bookroom, I got the ISBN # of the textbook and found it online! Now DS can do his HW while we continue to hope the book turns up. Temporary solution but better than shelling out the $$ for the book!
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2007
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[quote]I give DS an allowance. [/quote]
Well, at least your son has a way to pay for the test book that he lost.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Ok, your kid lost his book and you seem irritated that your X won't jump at paying for it, but you aren't, either. How are you any better than the X in this situation?
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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[quote]... better than shelling out the $$ for the book! [/quote]
Who paid for the book you bought online? Isn't that shelling out $$ too?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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kkimberh
enthusiast
Reged: 03/24/10
Posts: 391
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[quote][quote]... better than shelling out the $$ for the book! [/quote]
Who paid for the book you bought online? Isn't that shelling out $$ too? [/quote]
** I'm guessing it's like our school's - you don't buy the book online. The book is available to look at online.
DD's school has books for the classrooms and that's all - they don't assign books at all. If the kids need to look at their books at home, they use the online version.
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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Correct. *I* didn't pay for the online version.
If *I* were CP I would not DREAM of asking Exhole to pay for the textbook. At most, I *might* ask him to pay 1/2, but not get my panties in a knot if he didn't.
DS told his Dad; Dad flat-out said he didn't have the money to pay for it. Also DS doesn't have the money -- Exhole 'borrowed' DS's money (~ $300 IIRC) and hasn't paid THAT back either. Exhole is a pi$$-poor money manager.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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[quote]Ok, your kid lost his book and you seem irritated that your X won't jump at paying for it, but you aren't, either. How are you any better than the X in this situation? [/quote]
Because *I* already pay $850/month CS that's why I'm griping. Because it will end up *I* will pay for it (whether I make DS pay for it ultimately out of his allowance or not) instead of the "CP" as it should be.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I can see c_jane's frustration. She pays for what she's supposed to at "her" house, why should she pay for stuff at dad's too? A household she ALSO contributes to via child support to boot.
I would automatically offer to split the cost... even thoug really she's paying into "his" cost anyway, that's really being generous. He should pay the entirety. Or the child should.
It just gets frustrating when the other parent (REGARDLESS of custodial status) doesn't parent. Or take responsibility. It got very cold this weekend, quickly. DD doesn't have a winter jacket yet and didn't have time to do battle before going to dad's Saturday. Bitterly cold Sunday with the wind.. she was freezing. First thing I hear is "remember, you can't come back here unless you have a winter jacket". I was like "you COULD take her to buy a winter coat you know.. you don't need to wait for me.. I'll even reimburse you the money if that's an issue".. "Ohhhh, nooo nooo noooo, that's fine.. I don't want to do that, she just needs to let you get her one before she comes back". Sighhhhh.....so I'll get the evil eye b/c she doesn't have a coat that you want her to have but you won't actually GET her the coat you want her to have, even if I give you the platinum vagina seal of approval TO do so (not that I think that, but just in case HE thinks he needs that) and still... no coat. Or anything else. And he knows there will be a battle... and even says "good luck with that!" cuz he knows.. but he isn't going to do that. Fight the battle. It's frustrating.
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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IMO, it is a difference in parenting styles. If my child who is in HS lost a book than it would be up to the child to figure out how to find the online version to use until the book was found or he paid for the lost book.
LB, there is a HUGE difference in ages of your D and c_jane's son. When my YSS was in the 4th grade (the 1st time) the BM was the CP. My YSS needed a winter coat, my husband paid CS but the BM said she couldn't afford on so we bought it for him. About a month later we find out that the BM's dogs chewed the coat and it was unusable. BM still counld afford another one and while it was the child 'fault' for leaving it laid out where the dogs could get it, we bought him a new coat. Saftey 1st. It was a PITA and we hardly afforded it but it was a need. We did make my YSS do extra chores to pay us back for the 2nd coat.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2003
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People are hard on you here, CJ. I don't always agree with what you say, but you are paying more for one child in CS than my ExH did for two kids! My ExH also works for the school system, he teaches gifted English classes making $40K or so, and was paying $725/mo. for 2 children. I'm not sure what you make in your neck of the woods, but you pay plenty and take on a lot of responsibility for your son. Be confident that he knows that, and you are doing more than enough. And let the rest just play out. Hugs.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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So, you are saying that c_jane is right for not buying the book because she is the NCP and this is Dad's responsibility? How is that any different than it bothering you that your X won't take your D to buy a coat, even though he is the NCP and this should technically be your responsibility if we go off the logic you put in your post?
I could have misunderstood your point, it has happened before. Correct me if I did.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Exactly what I'm getting at. I pay $850/month for Exhole to run the household which has custody of DS; I ALSO pay for DS to stay @ my house, have clothes, food, etc.; and THEN I end up having to pay for EXTRAS that SHOULD come from the CP on top of that.
Luckily I can. I'm not swimming in money, but I pay my bills, support TWO households (mine and Exhole's), AND managed to buy DS a starter car for $3K a month ago.
And Exhole feels that 'control' of DS slip, slip, slipping away....... and it's KILLING him!
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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I know how you feel CJ. We are paying a lot for the two kids, and we have them 50% of the time. I often find myself buying things they may need because BM just doesn't do it. And after all this time, she's learned the helplessness that if she doesn't do it, someone else will take care of it. So if your ex has any similarities there, he will just fumble around with it until you do it yourself.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Yes, you misunderstood the point. My point was, and I admit it might not have been clear.. I don't post often any more and I typically get distracted by stuff every 5 seconds when I try to now lol soooo.....
anywho, my point was... I get her frustration. However, you do what you have to do for the benefit of the CHILD, regardless of making a point about the other parent. My point was, I may be slightly annoyed my ex didn't just take dd out to get a damn coat BUT, that doesn't mean I'm going to deny her to teach him a lesson. I'm going to go buy her a coat. It would have been NICE for him to do so. He knows it's a trauma to get her to do stuff she doesnt' want to (she does NOT NOT NOT want a winter coat) and it would have been nice for HIM to handle something for a change PARTICULARLY when she was WITH HIM it was FREEZING and it was something she NEEDED. Oh yeah, and it was something he WANTED her to have. But he wants ME to do it. So fine, she lived with being freezing, and she got the "you can't come back til your MOTHER does what I want her to do" and I'll go get her a damn coat.
I don't have to make everything into a federal case about what a jerk my ex is, that's my point. And I don't have to put my daughter in the middle of it. That's my point. In fact, my daughter didn't get any of her meds this weekend either. Given the season/weather, made an immediate difference in her sinus/allergy/asthma issues. I asked if she'd taken them.. she said "no". Then her commment was, and I quote "Daddy doesn't take as good care of me of you as you do... he just doesn't". I was taken aback by that, and it would have been SOOOO easy to say "You're right, he doesn't" or something catty.. but I took a breath and said "Honey, it's not a contest. Daddy loves you very much and takes care of you just fine." End of story. Does he in reality? Not in my opinion but it is what it is, and she doesn't need to know that. Gotta let go of the anger, hatred, judgment, etc. I have a pretty happy/healthy emotionally kid relative to divorce. But I also don't get into the petty nonsense cjane and her ex do. That was my point.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Well, I typed out a good, lengthy response and then realized my DSL cable wasn't plugged in anymore. So, I am just going to say that I understand now.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"And Exhole feels that 'control' of DS slip, slip, slipping away....... and it's KILLING him!"
Well, since YOU seem to be the only one FIGHTING for "control" (which is an illusion, BTW), that makes sense. As for it "killing" him, how do you know, and WHY DO YOU CARE!?!
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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good deal :)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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[quote]"And Exhole feels that 'control' of DS slip, slip, slipping away....... and it's KILLING him!"
Well, since YOU seem to be the only one FIGHTING for "control" (which is an illusion, BTW), that makes sense. As for it "killing" him, how do you know, and WHY DO YOU CARE!?! [/quote]
It's a very unhealthy situation, for ALL involved.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6453
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IMO, what should happen is ds's dad (the CP) should purchase the book to repay the school, then make ds pay him back for it (which could be deducted from the $300 he owes ds, paid for via extra chores, or come out of ds's allowance....which could technically be seen as CJ still having to pay for it)
I couldn't imagine being satisfied with my life if I couldn't somehow come up with an unbudgeted $70 through on hand cash or credit if I had to. What's the plan for a more expensive unforseen expense ?
CJ....do your ex and his wife work FT ?
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1752
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Ex does. SM works parttime subbing at the elementary school. They are ALWAYS in over their heads even with what I give them to support the household.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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I wonder how many OTHER NCP's on this board would get away with SUCH a statement? You are not GIVING them anything, you are paying your child support.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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