notso
recently joined
Reged: 10/26/11
Posts: 1
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Hello everyone! I am new here. This is going to be very long-winded. :D Thanks for reading!
A little bit of background info is that I am a SAHM to a 3-year old. I haven't held a job in about 5 years. I have no problem working and would LOVE to have a job now, but my STBX isn't here half of the year and even when he is he sits on the computer all day and ignores our child and puts her in harm's way. It was agreed that I would continue to be a SAHM until our child was in school full time. Of course now the STBX wants to rewrite history and say that I should have been working the whole time. Whatever the case, I don't think that it's acceptable for our child to sit in day care all day when I don't have to do that. She's a very sensitive child and it wouldn't be healthy for her. If I had no choice, I would have to do it. But there is a choice right now.
I have recently hired an attorney in an attempt to get a dissolution. Some things that have occurred have me a bit confused.
For one, my STBX had a condo that he had before we were married. After we were married and I was living there we sold that place. We used the money from that sale for a down payment on our current home. We've lived here for about 4 years. I always thought that I would be entitled to half of the proceeds from the sale of the home. My lawyer told me that I wouldn't get anything because of the fact that it was the STBX's money from the sale of his condo that was used for the down payment. Is this correct? 99% of me doesn't care because it releases me from the responsibility of having to deal with the BS from the sale, other than signing on the dotted line. But that 1% makes me wonder if there's an interest there that needs to be protected for my child.
It is understood that I will have legal custody of our child since the STBX plans to move back to his country of citizenship, which pretty much shows you how involved he is as a father. The attorney told me that we should ask for the standard visitation in the dissolution. Is there anyway way to rightfully ask for less visitation in a dissolution? As I stated, the STBX has consistently put our child is harm's way. This has happened every single time she's been in his care. Unfortunately, the things that have happened can be "explained" as mere accidents or just some slight neglect. If he moves this is obviously less of an issue. That said, I think it's ridiculous that he could come into town and force our child to stay with him for extended periods of time in a hotel room. She has been severely traumatized by his presence and behavior. She screams every time he's around. She wakes up multiple times per night, crying and saying that she's sad. She started having accident of both types, despite being potty trained. These things only happen when he's around. I'm sure she innately senses some of my stress. But I'm very careful not to argue in front on her (despite his attempts to do so) or badmouth him. I'm trying to make things as normal and as stable as possible for her.
Lastly, I always understood child support to be for basic things like food, clothing, shelter. I thought that the STBX was going to have to share in her school and activity expenses. The attorney is now telling me that this isn't so. When I combine what we pay for her preschool (which is a pretty basic preschool, nothing fancy) and her one activity, that's half of the child support right there. I don't understand why a SAHM is fully responsible for this when he makes about $115,000 per year and is hardly contributing anything. I'm not trying to be greedy. I want what's fair for all involved but I especially want to protect my child. And what the attorney is telling me is drastically different from what I've read and what other people have told me. I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick. So does the STBX, of course. So I don't even know that a dissolution is possible. But I'd much prefer to go that route and fully intend to work on whatever compromises need to be made. But I need to be smart and get what's fair for my child.
Thanks so much. And sorry for typing so much! There's so much I'm trying to comprehend and there's a lot of different info out there.
Edited by notso (10/26/11 12:48 AM)
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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You haven't been married long enough for alimony, and child support isn't going to be enough to support you and the child....to boot, because he has a high income and CS will be fairly high (but not enough to live on) it's going to disqualify you from most govt. services.
What does it all mean? You will have get a job, and probably full time to support yourself.
You can try to limit his parenting time, but you might need deep pockets for attorney fees, which it doesn't sound like you have. Good luck.
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