Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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Sometimes it seems like it is not so much a case of CP/NCP, but more of an ex issue. How many times, even on this, do you hear anyone say it is working perfectly with the ex. Yeah there are some attaboys handed out, but generally it is the tool story.
Cassie's BM seems particularly harsh when it comes to the SD, some of the things she has done are stunning. But I think if the BM had done the right thing, acted right by SD there would not be all the extras needed to paid for. What happened was BM being an idiot caused Cassie's DH to spend more for what could have been covered easily by CS. It is a symptom of the person, and not of the person being a CP.
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cpnebraska
addict
Reged: 09/08/08
Posts: 541
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[quote]As a CP I consider CS to cover part of the kids food, utlitites, gas, clothes, and extras.
Extras is a pretty big word around here, you do mean year book, all proms, a car, the smart phone, some kind of kid lessons(instrument, sports), transportation, you know, some of those things that others think should come out of CS.......because they are a right or something. [/quote]
In my head, with my Ex, I consider CS a bonus almost. Something that helps pay for what the kids need and with whats left - what the kids want. Extras are always a want. (school lunches are a want) If the kids want something I figure out if I can afford it with or with out CS.
I can't stop the kids (nor would I) from asking their dad to buy whatever want I said no to. That is his right to chose whether to buy it or not. OS asked me for a BB gun, I said H No. Ex bought him one so it stayed at his house (his right).
The modification I received will most likely help pay for OS insurance until he gets a job. I can't take him to and from a job because I work. There isn't anything within year round walking distance of our house that hires under 18. If Ex and SM want to contribute to a car or insurance? Fine, but you won't hear me asking for it. I bet you will hear OS asking about the car though (lol he is a teen after all)
Extras is a pretty big word around here, you do mean year book - bought them all
all proms - paid for all dances so far
a car - I may try to buy a cheap one but OS will have to pay me back for it. I don't believe kids should "get" a car for free.
the smart phone - I did buy his phone but he doesn't like smart phones they die too fast with texting lol.
some kind of kid lessons(instrument - Done it 3x so far
sports - Paid for it all
transportation - to where? I take OS to and from school everyday so he can attend a school that can challenge him. I take the kids to all doctor appointments, pick them up when sick, friends houses, movies, skating, and one way with Ex on holidays.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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Here is a situation that some may yet encounter, when it comes to the good of the child. You may end up writing a check to the ex, just so the ex doesn't ask their grown child to "borrow" money, which they really don't have to give because they are just starting out as a family. Seems strange, but sometimes the good of the child can go places you never expect...
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cpnebraska
addict
Reged: 09/08/08
Posts: 541
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I forgot to add then when we got divorced out judge asked him what he wanted in regards to the kids. Ex stated He just wanted visitation.
So he is the one that gave me sole custody. Legal and physical.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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Extras is a pretty big word around here
Everything you said just reinforces the differences in individuals, and situations. It works for you, that is what you have to do. Fair sounds good, but sometimes what works is what works. It may not be fair, and it may even sound stupid, but if it works, well, it works...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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We overpay support due to an antiquated system that refuses to recognize 50/50 placement, even though the state forms and the county forms recognize it. Courts just don't like to award it.
On top of the CS we overpay, we also handle most, if not all, extras for the kids and that is all.the.time for the past 11 years. That includes yearbooks, school dances and clothing for said dances, vehicles, most extracurriculars (this year BM paid for 1/2 cheerleading for SD and I was THRILLED), and pretty must any transportation needed. That's for cheer comps, football games, practices, transportation between houses (although it is only two miles). We also maintain toiletries for two households now since both SS and SD have started bringing the toothpaste, toothbrushes, hairspray, hair gel, deodorant and pretty much everything else to BM's from my home. And finally, SD has a very strong vision correction and her contacts are expensive, BM cannot afford that so I pay for them.
So I am no stranger to the extra benefits that BM reaps from the fact we put the kids first in that, if they need it, we will make sure they have it because she can't/won't do it.
You can't win them all...but you can make sure your kids are taken care of. Like Sherron, making sure her kids had EVERYTHING down to the meals for the household. Like DD paying for things over and above child support. Like Redlegg writing checks to his ex to avoid the kids being a bank to a parent. We all make sacrifices for our kids. Just make sure you're recognizing the reason you do it is because they are your kids and you love them.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Could you give some scenarios when a CP may want/need to send money to the NCP?
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You mean like when SRS paid her ex $20 a week to take her kids to dinner? How sad was that, he needed her to pay to take them to dinner. And she knew the kids wanted to spend time with their dad, so she sacrificed that and put aside the fact she should not HAVE to do it, and just did it cause it worked.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Well...I will say that my ex has. He paid the deposit for my house...two years post-divorce.
But, we handle things very differently than most people, I'll agree with you. When he was having surgery in my town, I opened my home to him and his adult son. When he could afford to drive back and forth to my town for 3 Dr appts in a week, I again opened my home. We work together, rather than whining about the other...kinda how I think it should be.
Note to say, that yes, we still have our arguments, and differences of opinion, but it always seems to come back to us both knowing the other isn't an evil piece of Crap who is just trying to hurt the other parent.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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How many checks has anyone written above and beyond the court ordered amount of CS and handed it to the CP or to the NCP. You can argue/discuss what it is for, you can discuss what the other parent should do, or what your choices would be, but the reality is that it is very rare, on either side for someone to just cut a check above and beyond the court ordered amount, and hand it to the other parent.
Who does that, anyone, anyone.....
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My H did that for EIGHT YEARS...
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20058
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"My H did that for EIGHT YEARS... "
He wrote checks to bm? Why would he give more money to her when he believed she wasn't handling the cs in dd's best interest? I can see doing what DD did, writing a check to the school for lunches, the year book... I don't understand handing more money to a parent who you believe is already mismanaging what they receive for cs... and a rather generous amount of cs at that in your case.
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