cpnebraska
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I had a wierd feeling on Monday because I hadn't heard anything about the new court date after the contiuance.
So I decided to look through the schedule posted online. Yup there I was. The court mistyped my address. Nice of my neighbors to mark return to sender right?? Ugh. I will address that with my neighbors later. Who knows maybe they did and the courthouse screwed up yet again.
So Off I go to find out what the new CS will be. They verified again that he makes 2x as much as he claimed. Not sure if anything will be done about the "bad" information. I'm not really sure if I care or not.
My lawyer said Why would I want to give up tax exemptions but he knows me and realizes I want to be fair while not getting screwd. So I will agree but request the first year of the alternating schedule on his advice. If they say no, then I guess I say no to the exemptions and he can take me to court.
Crossing my fingers it goes well, ne mess no fuss. No ridiculous requests. I am also hoping EX won't be there and will just let his lawyer handle it. My lawyer isn't representing me in this just advising me. The State attorney is handling it representing the best interests of the kids.
I'm excited and terrified!
Oh and a birdy told me that Ex and SM are looking at moving out of state!! Which would free me to do the same. I won't get excited about that until he is 100% moved. I'm not even sure I would move but having the option would be nice!!
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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LeAnne
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Loc: missouri
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Goodluck...
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Empty Nesting
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cpnebraska
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Reged: 09/08/08
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It went well. He brought his lawyer and wife. Not sure why but whatever.
We split deductions if current and EOY after with the first being mine.
I just avoided looking at them unless I had to.
She was not happy when she learned he had instant arrears and it was due by 12/31 or I get to claim both.
All in all everyone was an adult and noone asked for anything stupid.
I did ask for copies of EOBs and an explanation of what was covered. They are supposed to send it to me. I also found out that while he was crying poor he was making $45-$55k year. I make less than $30k and I manage to give my kids gifts.
I'm happy.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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gr8Dad
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"She was not happy when she learned he had instant arrears and it was due by 12/31 or I get to claim both."
Sorry, but THAT is not fair. You claim to WANT to be fair, but to claim that there are INSTANT arrears, and he has SIX WEEKS to catch them up is simply not right.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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cpnebraska
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Reged: 09/08/08
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It IS fair considering it was filed in Feb and he didn't return his paperwork, then he avoided being served for over 5 months then he filed for a continuance.
The arrears is from his dragging his feet and making it as long as possible. He made his bed and he can deal with it.
When this was started in FEBRUARY he would have had plenty of time to catch up before year end.
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Just wanted to add that the arrears is a state thing, it wasn't my request. If I had the option I still would have asked for the arrears considering all he did to avoid it.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
Edited by cpnebraska (11/09/11 03:15 PM)
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gr8Dad
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If they give him a payment plan to catch up the arrears (which they will) he will be considered up to date if he is paying the normal amount, plus the added payment.
"The arrears is from his dragging his feet and making it as long as possible. He made his bed and he can deal with it."
Of course, it would have been MUCH nicer if he just PAID what you told him, and DIDN'T use his RIGHT to a FAIR trial.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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You said:
If they give him a payment plan to catch up the arrears (which they will) he will be considered up to date if he is paying the normal amount, plus the added payment.
My response:
No, he would not be considered up to date. If the arrears are not paid in full by 12/31, then he does not get the exemptions. Nor should he. It doesn't matter that he is paying on it. All that will do is keep other legal actions from being taken.
You said:
Of course, it would have been MUCH nicer if he just PAID what you told him, and DIDN'T use his RIGHT to a FAIR trial.
My response:
Actually it would have been much nicer if he had CO-OPERATED and provided the information that he was supposed to. Instead of dragging it out the way he did.
Personally, I don't think modifications (either up or down) should go back to the date of filing, but start from the date the new amount was ordered EXCEPT in cases where one party drags the process out, like the OP's ex did.
He should have thought about the consequences of HIS actions BEFORE he did them. Now he has to live with them.
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gr8Dad
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"No, he would not be considered up to date."
Yes, he WOULD. On CONTEMPTABLE arrears, no, he would not, but on INSTANT arrears, created on a back dated court case, YES, he is considered up to date if he is paying the base amount and the amount towards arrears.
"Actually it would have been much nicer if he had CO-OPERATED and provided the information that he was supposed to. Instead of dragging it out the way he did."
He filed for continuances, the JUDGE felt that the continuances were valid, and granted them. Sorry if HIS right to JUSTICE interferred with HER claims.
"He should have thought about the consequences of HIS actions BEFORE he did them."
The CONSEQUENCES of exercising his RIGHT to a fair trial? Are you a COMMUNIST or something?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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You said:
Yes, he WOULD. On CONTEMPTABLE arrears, no, he would not, but on INSTANT arrears, created on a back dated court case, YES, he is considered up to date if he is paying the base amount and the amount towards arrears.
My response:
He is in arrears, he is not going to be able to claim the exemptions as he doesn't get them unless he is current. Well, let me rephrase, unless the court order states that he can get the exemptions when arrears come about because of his dragging his feet about going to court and as a result of his actions getting stuck with what he should have been paying had he not dragged his feet. If the court order says that, then he gets the exemptions. If not and it just says ARREARS, he DOESN'T get them.
You said:
He filed for continuances, the JUDGE felt that the continuances were valid, and granted them. Sorry if HIS right to JUSTICE interferred with HER claims.
The CONSEQUENCES of exercising his RIGHT to a fair trial? Are you a COMMUNIST or something?
My response:
The only communist here is YOU.
A FAIR trial? Well, let's look at that statement, shall we?
The case was filed in February of this year. Which puts the start at 8 MONTHS ago. What did he do? Well, for starters, he didn't return his paperwork. Someone who was concerned with a FAIR trial would have had that in ASAP.
What ELSE did he do? Well, he AVOIDED being served for 5 MONTHS.
Then when he got served, he filed for a continuance. Probably because he DIDN'T comply with what he was supposed to have done in the first place because he was too busy AVOIDING BEING SERVED.
And when she got her FAIR TRIAL, it turns out that he made MORE than what he claimed. Which is probably why he did everything he could to drag this process out. Which had absolutely NOTHING to do with wanting a FAIR trial.
As the OP stated: He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. He should have thought about what the consequences of HIS ACTIONS were going to be. I know that's a concept that you refuse to grasp, but that doesn't change the fact that his instant arrears are COMPLETELY HIS FAULT.
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gr8Dad
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"He is in arrears"
No, he HAS arrears. When INSTANT arrears are levied, they are NOT treated the same as CONTEMPTABLE arrears. Of course, you past LOUSY advice, and COMPLETE ineptitude on family court laws has demostrated you know little about family law.
"The case was filed in February of this year. Which puts the start at 8 MONTHS ago."
If you knew your ass from a hole in the ground, you would know that 8 months in family court time is NOTHING.
"Well, he AVOIDED being served for 5 MONTHS."
According to HER he avoided being served. Would YOU like to be judged on the CLAIMS of your ex?
"And when she got her FAIR TRIAL, it turns out that he made MORE than what he claimed. Which is probably why he did everything he could to drag this process out. Which had absolutely NOTHING to do with wanting a FAIR trial."
Or he misfigured, or THEY misfigured, or paperwork got lost, or a MULTITUDE of other possibilities. But when YOU are looking to crap on him, you will find ANY reason, even if that means MAKING things up.
BTW, how hard is it to serve someone who sees the kids on a schedule? I mean you KNOW where he will be on a pretty regular basis.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]If you knew your ass from a hole in the ground, you would know that 8 months in family court time is NOTHING.[/quote]
You are the one with that issue. Not me. Again, I don't expect you to be able to grasp that.
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gr8Dad
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Yeah, you are right, family court is SUPER simple to get into, takes no time at ALL, what the hell do I know, I have only been to the child support court CONSTANTLY for the last ten years.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Cassie23
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"He is in arrears"
No, he HAS arrears. When INSTANT arrears are levied, they are NOT treated the same as CONTEMPTABLE arrears. Of course, you past LOUSY advice, and COMPLETE ineptitude on family court laws has demostrated you know little about family law.
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I agree in that instant arrears should not be treated the same as arrears from not making your up-to-date payments on a monthly basis.
The OP COULD allow her X the exemption IF he is up to date on his regular payments and up to date on the amount going towards the instant arrears. I think, in this particular case, that would be considered FAIR.
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DedicatedDad
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Reged: 09/05/04
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I don't think the OP is looking for fair; just more money. If I'm wrong, I invite the OP to state their intentions.
I don't believe in CS increases with pay increases in most cases (there are exceptions), or where one betters themselves to increase their income. I also don't think CS should decrease in most cases where income decreases, unless the person loses their job because it becomes obsolete, they are older (50+) and the job can't be readily replaced.
Imagine as a CP if you went to college, increased your income by $30K, and had to send $9K of it your ex (an average increase with 2 kids, and paying 25%).
I doubt many CP's could even fathom the thought.
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cpnebraska
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[quote]I don't think the OP is looking for fair; just more money. If I'm wrong, I invite the OP to state their intentions.
I don't believe in CS increases with pay increases in most cases (there are exceptions), or where one betters themselves to increase their income. I also don't think CS should decrease in most cases where income decreases, unless the person loses their job because it becomes obsolete, they are older (50+) and the job can't be readily replaced.
Imagine as a CP if you went to college, increased your income by $30K, and had to send $9K of it your ex (an average increase with 2 kids, and paying 25%).
I doubt many CP's could even fathom the thought. [/quote]
I am being fair. I could go into all the details but that would take too much time. Then again my idea of fair and yours may be different.
My Ex sees his kids (by HIS choice) less than 24 hours in a month. Most months not at all. I won't say he doesn't love his kids but he doesn't understand how to put anyone before his wants.
I never would have asked for a CS review if he had been taking the kids. The $400 a month he was paying before doesn't cover alot for a 15 and 10 yr old. Have you seen them eat? 4 days a month can make a big difference in costs. I have those kids 24/7.
Ya know what I would like? I would like to see my EX be FAIR in raising the kids! How about he takes them to doctor appointments? Stays home when they are sick (not the 15yr old)? How about he invests his time and energy into the kids? How about he takes them and I get time to recharge? How about he takes the kids when I am out of town? No, He can't handle his and the SD he has. His words. He can't take time off work to run to doctors, or pick them up from school when they are sick. I do and I lose income from that. Do I complain?? Not usually no but when you say I'm not being FAIR because I think his dodging being served is his fault? He knew they were looking for him. He purposely dodged them. Why didn't he just send his paperwork back within the 30 days? ANd then why did he wait until the last minute to get a lawyer? I don't care about the lawyer - why? because I wasn't trying to scrw him thats why. I could have easily asked for more and gotten it. I chose to do the right thing and not rake him over the coals.
For my YS10 birthday do you know what his dad got for him 3 weeks late? 2 t shirts and a few of Ex's old comic books, not good ones, I was semi touched by the comic books because he was trying to create a bond. What did he get OS15? Nada. Not even a phone call. Last year OS got a phone call of EX yelling at him for not calling SM and telling her happy birthday. WHen did this take place? ON OS birthday. Never said happy birthday to him just yelled at him.
Ex isn't being FAIR in his PARENTING responsibilties. So your right, where I might have given him the tax rights, I won't because he barely contributes in any other way.
I would trade the increased CS for him being involved with his kids in a heartbeat. Those boys miss their dad but I can't change him. I can make sure they have opportunities to keep busy though.
So say what you want. I know you don't understand nor do you know the entire story so you can't understand.
G8dad - I'm sorry you were raked over the coals but my story is so very different.
Good mom - thanks, you said things I would've had I been on here.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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DedicatedDad
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I always like a detailed explanation as long as there aren't personal attacks. You've covered the big picture well, and it brings better understanding. Thank you.
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gr8Dad
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"G8dad - I'm sorry you were raked over the coals but my story is so very different."
You obviously have NO idea what you are talking about. Our stories are VERY similar, the only difference being our ACTIONS. I am a custodial parent, my ex RARELY sees the kids, and is ordered to pay a RIDICULOUSLY low amount.
The difference is that I have NEVER asked for an increase (she is ordered to pay $200 a month for THREE kids).
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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cpnebraska
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Well, Good for you Gr8Dad. I never claimed to know your story. Everyone has a very different story. I bet there are less similarities when you dig into the details but that isn't the point. I was trying to be compassionate going off what you said on this post I assumed things I shouldn't have. Just as you are assuming things about me.
I am not taking the route you chose. Doesn't mean it's the wrong decision. It's the right one for me. I stand behind my decision 100%. I choose not to let my Ex get away with these things.
I know I have talked to you on different posts in the past and have valued your point of view but this time you seem...combative. I'm not here for a battle. I will listen to other people, think about it and figure out if it fits my situation. So I do thank you for your posts and opinion.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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DedicatedDad
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Gr8dad, you have to realize that studies have shown that 90% of men who are willing to have custody of their children would do so without child support. Also shown is that 90% of women would not forgo child support....it's where the culture is at. Most women would classify you as foolish for not taking all you can get (most often under the guise that "the children are entitled to it), regardless of the amount or the affect on the other parent. I commend you for it. Is your ex one of those that significantly more support would force her to pretty much live in a box (which is more common than people think)?
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gr8Dad
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I am not being combative, all I am saying is that if you file a case that results in a large amount of arrears on NOVEMBER NINTH, then state that if it isn't all caught up six weeks later, he doesn't get the tax deduction, that is unfair.
Have you considered that the tax deduction could lead to a bigger refund, which could be applied to the instant arrears?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Sherron
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"Gr8dad, you have to realize that studies have shown that 90% of men who are willing to have custody of their children would do so without child support."
90% of men who are willing to have custody? With wording like that, what is the percentage of men who are willing to have custody?
"Most women would classify you as foolish for not taking all you can get (most often under the guise that "the children are entitled to it), regardless of the amount or the affect on the other parent."
Should both parents support the child they created? Is there a study to back up this "most women" claim?
"Is your ex one of those that significantly more support would force her to pretty much live in a box (which is more common than people think)? "
I thought we were already homeless without getting cs and welfare lol.
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DedicatedDad
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How much money have you sent to your NCP lately?
Oh....none. The money flows in one direction, and often from more than 1 source.
When men are having trouble financially getting by, the typical advice is to get another job or a second job to make ends meet. A women in the same position is shown every possible area as to where to get free money and services.
Again, this is where the culture is at...there's a ton of folks with an entitlement attitude.
As for the information, it's from "Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths" by Dr. Sanford Braver.
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cpnebraska
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I have considered it.
It's really the 5 months it took to serve him that makes me unsympathetic towards him.
5 months they tried at his home and work. Seeing as he knew they were trying he could have called the state and said hey, I will be at X place at X time, Let's get this moving.
It was filed in Feb. His paperwork was due then. Which means they started attempting to serve him in Feb. Finally caught up with him at work in July. (5 months)
Had he returned the paperwork and said I am getting a lawyer and need a continuance. Fine. No prob. Giving him a 5 month continuance, say that the hearing was in July. His arrears would have been much smaller (almost half) and he would have had atleast 5 months to pay them. If that had happened and it was close but not quit paid off? I would've let it slide.
Noone has to believe me that he dragged this out as much as possible. He did. He told me he was going to. Until he got a lawyer and then it stopped. I didn't say this because I don't expect anyone here to take my word on that.
The financials he turned in? Stated his income was 1/2 what the state found when they pulled his tax returns for 2 years. I saw these yesterday. He claimed on his financials he made 26k yr. He was actually making 55k yr. I filled out the same paperwork he did. It says you have to count bonuses and commission. His is a sales job. Most of his income comes from that.
FYI- The fact that the judgement goes back to the filing date is a state law.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Sherron
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"How much money have you sent to your NCP lately?
Oh....none. "
Why would I send any money to him?
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cpnebraska
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More than one source?
{confused} what other source is there? Unless you mean state aid, welfare etc.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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DedicatedDad
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""How much money have you sent to your NCP lately?
Oh....none. "
Why would I send any money to him? "
Wow....with capital letters, you have just shown the typical colors of a CP that doesn't get it.
I'm glad that many do, who really take a look at the big picture, and make their choices from what is best for their children, rather than just themselves.
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DedicatedDad
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"More than one source?
{confused} what other source is there? Unless you mean state aid, welfare etc."
You did understand that correctly (state cash, medical insurance, assisted daycare, assisted housing, food stamps, EIC, etc.).
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Sherron
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"Wow....with capital letters, you have just shown the typical colors of a CP that doesn't get it.
I'm glad that many do, who really take a look at the big picture, and make their choices from what is best for their children, rather than just themselves."
Which doesn't answer the question... you asked how much money I have sent to "my ncp" lately... Why would I send any money to him?
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cpnebraska
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Hmm. Actually I have. Not much granted but he told OS he would buy a sweatshirt for the sport he was in but asked if I would pay for it and would get it to me. It never happened. I knew it wouldn't so it wasn't a big deal but does my kid think Dad bought? yup.
Last Christmas Ex was looking for something for the kids but couldn't find it. I was at the store and saw one left so I snagged, called him and asked if he wanted to come get it. His wife got sick on the way to the store so I bought it and dropped it off at his place.
Which is 30 mins, each way, in the other direction from where I was. (opposite of my house too)
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
Edited by cpnebraska (11/10/11 02:13 PM)
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Cassie23
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I have considered it.
It's really the 5 months it took to serve him that makes me unsympathetic towards him.
5 months they tried at his home and work. Seeing as he knew they were trying he could have called the state and said hey, I will be at X place at X time, Let's get this moving.
It was filed in Feb. His paperwork was due then. Which means they started attempting to serve him in Feb. Finally caught up with him at work in July. (5 months)
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I understand where you are coming from- having been on both sides. I just don't think you should think differently based on how your X CHOSE to respond to the CS order/court/etc.
I know in our case, there was never going to be a forgiveness on arrears. However, BM made an offer of $400/month and H accepted and then she changed her mind. Our court hearing went on for almost a year and then she refused to sign the papers for months after that. H offered a lower amount even when the judge told him her responsibility (based on incomes) was almost $750/month. H didn't change his mind and go after the $750 simply because she was a JERK for months and months.
I don't think your decision is wrong, I just think (in my eyes) a more equitable solution would be him receiving an exemption if he is current on CS and up-to-date on paymenta going towards the instant arrears.
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gr8Dad
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"It was filed in Feb. His paperwork was due then. Which means they started attempting to serve him in Feb."
Okay, you do understand that it doesn't work like that, right? Before they serve him, they have to verfy that the filing was done correctly, then they have to set a judge, and find a date on his calendar. At THAT point, a service is set up. It can take more than 30 days just to get a court date.
"His is a sales job. Most of his income comes from that."
See, is it POSSIBLE that the economic APOCOLYPSE that hit this country over the last five years might have affected his income?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Redlegg
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I think you have to do what works, some agreements are not textbook, and sometimes money changes hands in a way that does not seem conventional. If it is for the children, then whatever it takes for the children to have a decent place to live on either side should be what is happening.
Sure, I wanted the ex to account for CS, you know, to make sure it was being spent right. I mean, I trusted her to parent the boy, just not to financially parent him. Why would I expect my ex to send me money back from CS. Why would I care, unless I was wound up in the weeds on what she was doing with it...obviously some CP's will not do the right thing, but that is not because they are the CP, just as some NCPs will not do the right thing, and it has nothing to do with them being NCPs.....
I look back on the CS I sent the ex, and it went for rent, electric, and cable, she spent her own money on whatever she wanted. I also knew that the child had a decent place to stay, electricity, and he could watch pokemon on the cartoon network. Although I am not sure if the cartoon network was a good thing, i think he still watches pokemon, well at least when his DD isn't watching sponge bob.....
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DedicatedDad
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""Wow....with capital letters, you have just shown the typical colors of a CP that doesn't get it.
I'm glad that many do, who really take a look at the big picture, and make their choices from what is best for their children, rather than just themselves."
Which doesn't answer the question... you asked how much money I have sent to "my ncp" lately... Why would I send any money to him?"
I guess after one has been on the receiving end for so long, the entitlement equation kicks in so strongly that the best interest of the child goes out the window.
I'm reminded of a survey where 50% of CP's say that the only value that comes from the NCP is financial. I think I can guess what group you are in.
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Sherron
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"I guess after one has been on the receiving end for so long, the entitlement equation kicks in so strongly that the best interest of the child goes out the window. "
Can you answer the question... why would it be in the best interest of my son for me to send money to his dad?
"I'm reminded of a survey where 50% of CP's say that the only value that comes from the NCP is financial. I think I can guess what group you are in. "
Which one?
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]"His is a sales job. Most of his income comes from that."
See, is it POSSIBLE that the economic APOCOLYPSE that hit this country over the last five years might have affected his income? [/quote]
You conveniently didn't quote the OP where she stated that it was discovered that he MADE MORE THAN HE CLAIMED TO BE MAKING.
His being in sales and the slow economy (which isn't the apocalypse that you are claiming) has no bearing on that. And to say that he didn't know how much he was making when he completed his paperwork, well, not buying that. That is the one thing that someone will know. How much they are currently making. They may not know how much they will make in a year, but when completing paperwork asking about current and past earnings, they are going to know.
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gr8Dad
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"You conveniently didn't quote the OP where she stated that it was discovered that he MADE MORE THAN HE CLAIMED TO BE MAKING."
That is NOT what she said, and I will show you WHY that is not what she said after I point out the OTHER areas where you are wrong.
"His being in sales and the slow economy (which isn't the apocalypse that you are claiming) has no bearing on that."
Yeah, cause a bad economy has NO effect on SALES, right? Are you BRAIN DEAD?
"And to say that he didn't know how much he was making when he completed his paperwork, well, not buying that. That is the one thing that someone will know. How much they are currently making."
He DID write down what he is making. They got his income from his TAX RETURNS from the last TWO YEARS. So what they are THINKING he is making is based on what he MADE, something that WOULD go down, as the ECONOMY tanks.
"They may not know how much they will make in a year, but when completing paperwork asking about current and past earnings, they are going to know."
Again, he claimed he was making 26K. That is his BASE salary. If his SALES are down, the balance of the PREVIOUS two years income, mostly bonus and commision, would be lower.
So, for a FACT, he claimed what he is CURRENTLY making. The increase was based on what he USED to make, or made in the last two years. But, of course, per YOUR opinions, CP's should only share in GAINS by the NCP, not LOSES.
I SWEAR, you are REALLY REALLY REALLY dumb.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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"Sorry, I'm not into games. Have a nice evening. "
Nor are you into answering questions... as long as you feel that your judgments are justified... ;)
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Sherron
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Guess there really is no answer after all as to why I should send "my ncp" any money.
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Goodmom
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You said:
That is NOT what she said, and I will show you WHY that is not what she said after I point out the OTHER areas where you are wrong.
My response:
From her very first post, third paragraph, second sentence:
"They verified again that he makes 2x as much as he claimed."
You said:
Yeah, cause a bad economy has NO effect on SALES, right? Are you BRAIN DEAD?
My response:
Didn't say that a bad economy had no effect on sales or commissions. What I said was:
You conveniently didn't quote the OP where she stated that it was discovered that he MADE MORE THAN HE CLAIMED TO BE MAKING.
You said:
He DID write down what he is making.
My response:
And you know this how? You aren't the one seeing his current paycheck. The court was. And per the OP:
"They verified again that he makes 2x as much as he claimed"
You said:
Again, he claimed he was making 26K. That is his BASE salary. If his SALES are down, the balance of the PREVIOUS two years income, mostly bonus and commision, would be lower.
My response:
And you know this how? You aren't the one seeing his current paycheck. The court was. And per the OP:
"They verified again that he makes 2x as much as he claimed"
You said:
So, for a FACT, he claimed what he is CURRENTLY making. The increase was based on what he USED to make, or made in the last two years. But, of course, per YOUR opinions, CP's should only share in GAINS by the NCP, not LOSES.
My response:
And you know this how? You aren't the one seeing his current paycheck. The court was. And per the OP:
"They verified again that he makes 2x as much as he claimed"
You said:
I SWEAR, you are REALLY REALLY REALLY dumb.
My response:
I know for a fact that you were looking in the mirror when you said that.
You may benefit from this link:
[censored]://[censored].time4learning.com/readingpyramid/comprehension.htm
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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"We know which half you are in....the "me" half. "
Because I won't send "my ncp" money... even though you have yet to answer why I should?
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DedicatedDad
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Redlegg
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It is a tough sell, I have not heard of many who send more than they are court ordered to.
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Sherron
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"Do you play these games all the time with your ex? It would make co-parenting probably impossible. Of course, it's the child that loses out...but I doubt you would believe that...you are a "my way or the highway" kind of gal."
I asked you a question you refuse to answer, all I get are your judgments... who's playing games here?
"I'm sure you can figure out 100 different ways your ex could help your child with assistance of one type or another. "
**chucklesnort**
Do you believe gr8dad should send his ncp money as well?
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DedicatedDad
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If the kids need a coat and she can't pay for it? Absolutely.
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Sherron
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"If the kids need a coat and she can't pay for it? Absolutely. "
Except that's not what you were talking about earlier...
"How much money have you sent to your NCP lately?
Oh....none. "
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DedicatedDad
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Of course that's what I've been talking about.
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youngatheart
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>>>So, for a FACT, he claimed what he is CURRENTLY making. The increase was based on what he USED to make, or made in the last two years. But, of course, per YOUR opinions, CP's should only share in GAINS by the NCP, not LOSES.<<<
IF that is true (IF...because there's very much the possibility that he just claimed his base salary on the forms, ignoring that he would be making commission and bonuses. But, let's be honest, if he doesn't make ANY commission, he's probably not going to have a job for long).
BUT...let's say it is true, and he's making NO commission, but did over the last two years (when the economy was ALSO slow, if you'll remember), then he was GROSSLY under-supporting his kids the past two years (at least).
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Sherron
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"Of course that's what I've been talking about. "
I apologize, my mind reading skills are lacking again. You'll be happy to know that my son is not in need of a coat or anything else... and if he was, I would make the needed purchase myself. Guess all your judgments were a little off, eh?
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youngatheart
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Could you give some scenarios when a CP may want/need to send money to the NCP?
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DedicatedDad
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Could you give some scenarios when a NCP may want/need to send money to the CP?
Same answer to both.
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Sherron
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"I don't believe you. I think you would let your child freeze and call social services, so her frostbite would be self-serving to you."
You'll be happy to know you are wrong again. But your continued judgment is duly noted.
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youngatheart
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Ummm...CS (money from NCP to CP) is to pay for his/her portion of the child's needs/care. If the parenting time changes, then the CS guidelines need to be refigured, and maybe the payor of CS changes...as the NCP becomes CP...or something similar.
But...the question I was getting at is, "what event would warrant removing money from the child's home/care"? In what scenario would that make sense?
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Redlegg
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I only hear about people not paying court ordered amount, rarely do you hear about anyone paying more...
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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"They often end up carrying a much heavier financial part of the upbringing."
Do you believe it's possible that some CPs carry a much heavier part of the upbringing, and not just financially?
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Redlegg
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Just do not hear about too many NCPs writing those checks above and beyond what they are court ordered to....and lets face it, between the two parents, someone is going to get the hardship of a heavier financial burden. Nothing is equal, it maybe equitable, but rarely equal...
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youngatheart
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I know that not all states are the same, but in mine (which I love how CS is figured) the child support amount is figured. Then, the parenting time amount is figured in to split that amount between households. Then each parent's percentage (based upon their percentage of the combined income) is figured for each home. Then Household A is subtracted from household B (or vice versa).
So, while one parent pays CS to the other parent, it is figured into the formula that the NCP also has expenses in his/her home.
Easy peasy.
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Redlegg
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I just do not hear about this huge amount of NCP's writing checks above and beyond what they are court ordered to....
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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""Do you believe it's possible that some CPs carry a much heavier part of the upbringing, and not just financially?
Of course, unless there is shared custody, most do."
Then I really don't understand your comments to me.
And... since you believe those who don't have shared custody, aka CPs, carry a much heavier part of the upbringing already... your comment about sending money to the ncp makes even less sense to me.
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youngatheart
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I'm not getting it either...
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DedicatedDad
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youngatheart
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And?
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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"Like many NCP's, we end up subsidizing the CP's stuff....cars, houses, whatever, since they won't contribute."
How do CPs not contribute when you said yourself that unless there is shared custody, most carry a much heavier part of the upbringing, including financially?
$1200 into a kid's car... $100 to school lunches... $75 for a yearbook... sounds like that would be for the kids... not the CP.
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youngatheart
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While that's sometimes the case, it's not the vast majority of the cases.
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DedicatedDad
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Sherron
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"Aren't those expenses typically paid by the CP or shared? They are not court ordered for either to pay"
I guess some people don't need court orders to take care of their kids.
"but their household income including the child support transfer is 5 times mine."
If your household income is 1/5 mine, I feel bad for you.
"I didn't say the CP's carry a heavier load financially. I find that after support and tax implications, they often pay less."
Actually, you said most CPs do carry a heavier load, not just financially, unless there is shared custody.
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DedicatedDad
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I went back and deleted most of these posts...they are too negative and too personal.
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Cassie23
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$1200 into a kid's car... $100 to school lunches... $75 for a yearbook... sounds like that would be for the kids... not the CP.
--------------------
I think it depends on the household. I know that certain things may come out of CS...so school expenses would be considered part of CS, IMO. So if a CP is paying for school lunches and yearbooks then the NCP is already paying their share TO the CP for these expenses. The money seems as though it is coming from the CP, but in reality it is coming from BOTH parents- in a case where both parents work and CS is being paid.
As for Red suggesting that most NCP's don't overpay. I actually disagree whole heartedly with that. For NCPs that pay ON TIME, EVERY TIME I would guess that most pay OVER their share. I think we could find several cases here that fit that bill- again in regards to NCPs that already pay, without problem. We also gave extra for school supplies, school clothes, school activities, etc. SD's senior year I would say we were paying $1200/month plus ALL extras. BM was coming out of a separation from her H...and money was very scarce. If SD was paying for her OWN personal necessities (like toiletries, clothes, school lunches, some dinners and entertainment ) and we were paying for all other extras ON TOP of CS.
I think what some CPs don't get is that when you are a NCP- you pay to support TWO households. Unfortunately many states aren't like YAH's state where they take into account BOTH households equitably. So in cases outside of those states, I think NCPs often are shortchanged and end up supporting two households while a CP supports ONE.
I also agree that CPs (given that I would guess the majority of the CPs have a higher percentage of time) carry the higher burden of the child's upbringing.
I hope in years to come we see the courts making shared custody the starting point and then they from there. In my state years ago when H and BM separated SOLE CUSTODY to the Mother was the absolute norm. Even in NYS NOW we are just STARTING to see JOINT custody and shared custody is barely peaking its head. I hope to see change come to some of these Northeastern states- a whole upheaval of the CS/custody guidelines would be a huge improvement.
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Cassie23
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BM was coming out of a separation from her H...and money was very scarce. If SD was paying for her OWN personal necessities (like toiletries, clothes, school lunches, some dinners and entertainment ) and we were paying for all other extras ON TOP of CS.
-----------------------------------------
I quoted my own words, because I think this would be a case where one would ask could a CP send a NCP $$$ if the NCP was the one going through a separation and money was scarse? Send money for entertainment for the weekend? Or for a new bedding set at the NCP's because they couldn't afford one there? **(And I know there are cases here where CPs have)** That is my only point- as a NCP you still have to have ALL the same things a CP's house has for the child. A room, a bed, bedding, a lamp, a dresser, etc. Those things aren't only to be had at the CPs. Often in cases (like mine and my Brother and BIL's case) the NCP needs clothing at their house for the child. Shouldn't CS pay for that?
I just spent $$$ buying coats and shoes for my nieces and nephews whose parents are NCPs because the CP refuses to send their coats and often sends shoes worn or ripped. Case in point, BIL was taking the two kids to see his older daughter (different marriage) compete at a game- he asked most recent X to send sneakers or boots and jackets since it was cold out. She sent them in flip flops and a thin zip up.
I can tell you from our experience that SD's bag would have 4 different color socks, no underwear and one shirt for a weekend. She often came without a winter coat and when we bought her one on top of CS and sent that home, we never saw it again. I know SD had clothes, I think her mother often did it deliberately to make things harder for us. So we starting buying clothes and leaving then at our home. It's sad. I just think sometimes people change when relationships/marriages end. Some do not consider what is in the best interests of the children because they are still bitter and resentful from the marriage ending.
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Sherron
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"Some do not consider what is in the best interests of the children because they are still bitter and resentful from the marriage ending."
I agree, Cassie. I just don't think it's a fair assessment that this person is typically the CP. Back when ex took the kids, not only did they go with everything they needed, including toiletries, pillows, blankets... but also things they could need, like OTC meds and band aids... there were times I sent food with, enough for every meal for every person in the household while the kids were there, and snacks. I've sent money with them for expenses they might incur at special occasions and gave ex money to help with gas when I couldn't help transport after he had moved hundreds of miles away. None of these things were ever related to whether or not cs came that month.
No, I don't do that anymore... no opportunity to, since ex has pretty much dropped out again. The last time ds saw his dad was for ex's grandpa's funeral earlier this year. I bought ds's clothes for that. Ex stayed in town that weekend, one night at dd's apartment, the other night at my house. I think ex called ds once since then?
I don't lose sleep over the opinion of strangers on a board... but it's been quite a while since I've been judged so harshly simply for being a custodial parent. It seems ironic that some who are fighting their own myths and stereotypes seem so bent on perpetuating others.
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Redlegg
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I think it depends on the household. I know that certain things may come out of CS...so school expenses would be considered part of CS, IMO. So if a CP is paying for school lunches and yearbooks then the NCP is already paying their share TO the CP for these expenses. The money seems as though it is coming from the CP, but in reality it is coming from BOTH parents- in a case where both parents work and CS is being paid.
That is just it, it may or may not, is that considered extra, when it comes to a four year old who is not in school. maybe it just comes down to the age old question of what is CS for exactly. Now it is extras, but that is not what the subject was. For the CP, when they pay something it is automatically what they should be doing, for the NCP it is now above and beyond. Is above and beyond when the CP pays for those things, or does it miraculously turn into that is what CS is for. A yearbook, not CS, a car, not CS, School lunches, I would still go with a choice on that one, because if the CP cannot afford it, there are reduced and free lunches, or even bringing a lunch, so that one is a gray area at best.
How many checks has anyone written above and beyond the court ordered amount of CS and handed it to the CP or to the NCP. You can argue/discuss what it is for, you can discuss what the other parent should do, or what your choices would be, but the reality is that it is very rare, on either side for someone to just cut a check above and beyond the court ordered amount, and hand it to the other parent.
Who does that, anyone, anyone.....
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Redlegg
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As for Red suggesting that most NCP's don't overpay. I actually disagree whole heartedly with that. For NCPs that pay ON TIME, EVERY TIME I would guess that most pay OVER their share. I think we could find several cases here that fit that bill- again in regards to NCPs that already pay, without problem. We also gave extra for school supplies, school clothes, school activities, etc. SD's senior year I would say we were paying $1200/month plus ALL extras. BM was coming out of a separation from her H...and money was very scarce. If SD was paying for her OWN personal necessities (like toiletries, clothes, school lunches, some dinners and entertainment ) and we were paying for all other extras ON TOP of CS.
That would mean that most CPs are the cause, and they are the ones who are inflicting the harm on their child. What you bought for SD was not because of the system, but because of the CP, so if this is the case, then it was more than enough by the court order, but paying above and beyond is a result of bad CP, and if most NCPs pay above and beyond, well there you have it....
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cpnebraska
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So much to read! lol
I know this has become a generic discussion but I'm going to speak regarding mine.
As a CP I consider CS to cover part of the kids food, utlitites, gas, clothes, and extras. That includes school lunches, field trips, carnivals, book fairs, sports, and yearbooks. IF ex wants to spend extra on it I'mnot going to argue but I'm not going to ask him to.
I figure my budget on my income. Can I afford things without CS? If I can then I go ahead because I never know when he will be without a job. With CS helping on the above items, I can spend my income on whatever I want. I really have no idea how much the kids utilities, food etc cost because they are never gone. I do know that OS can eat in a week what I would eat in a month.
Cassie reminded me that when Ex was going to school (for his 2nd degree) I helped out and bought food when the boys went over or rented a few movies, games whatever so they had fun. When he needed help he was much nicer. I even went over and packed up the kids stuff when he was evicted so he didn't lose what he had for them because he didn't have time to pack it. I stored his stuff in my garage for over a year until he got a new place to take it to.
I did not do the same thing when he decided he didn't want to do the career he got the 2nd degree for and went for his 3rd degree. The deal with the 2nd was I help him and then when he got on his feet I would go to school to get my first degree. Ya, know that he has it and is banking the money...He doesn't even take the kids. But I'll figure it out. I don't need him but the kids do. If they didn't I would never speak to him or take anything from him again.
CS is Nebraska takes both incomes for a combined income and has a chart of income and number of kids, they take the cost of raising the kids from that and figure the % of each parent contributing to the combined income and that % of the cost is your contribution. So if I made more I could easily end up paying ex CS.
I would never send my kids with less than they needed. I want them to go to their dads and enjoy themselves. I really do try to put the kids needs before my feelings.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Redlegg
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As a CP I consider CS to cover part of the kids food, utlitites, gas, clothes, and extras.
Extras is a pretty big word around here, you do mean year book, all proms, a car, the smart phone, some kind of kid lessons(instrument, sports), transportation, you know, some of those things that others think should come out of CS.......because they are a right or something.
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Sherron
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"How many checks has anyone written above and beyond the court ordered amount of CS and handed it to the CP or to the NCP. "
I've written monthly checks to ex I knew he would never get a court order for, does that count lol?
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Redlegg
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There are no doubts that the system can be brutal on either side, but I think the only sweeping statement that is fair is that it is a particular person who makes it that, and not the system itself. You have CP's, NCP's, you have additional kids, additional families, some things count, some don't, you have what some people call extras, and others don't, there is no one set and true way to make it right all the time, because of the variables. The only thing I believe to be true is that rarely are both sides happy, and rarely does either party cut a check and hand it to the other parent, above and beyond what is court ordered.
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Redlegg
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Sometimes it seems like it is not so much a case of CP/NCP, but more of an ex issue. How many times, even on this, do you hear anyone say it is working perfectly with the ex. Yeah there are some attaboys handed out, but generally it is the tool story.
Cassie's BM seems particularly harsh when it comes to the SD, some of the things she has done are stunning. But I think if the BM had done the right thing, acted right by SD there would not be all the extras needed to paid for. What happened was BM being an idiot caused Cassie's DH to spend more for what could have been covered easily by CS. It is a symptom of the person, and not of the person being a CP.
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cpnebraska
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[quote]As a CP I consider CS to cover part of the kids food, utlitites, gas, clothes, and extras.
Extras is a pretty big word around here, you do mean year book, all proms, a car, the smart phone, some kind of kid lessons(instrument, sports), transportation, you know, some of those things that others think should come out of CS.......because they are a right or something. [/quote]
In my head, with my Ex, I consider CS a bonus almost. Something that helps pay for what the kids need and with whats left - what the kids want. Extras are always a want. (school lunches are a want) If the kids want something I figure out if I can afford it with or with out CS.
I can't stop the kids (nor would I) from asking their dad to buy whatever want I said no to. That is his right to chose whether to buy it or not. OS asked me for a BB gun, I said H No. Ex bought him one so it stayed at his house (his right).
The modification I received will most likely help pay for OS insurance until he gets a job. I can't take him to and from a job because I work. There isn't anything within year round walking distance of our house that hires under 18. If Ex and SM want to contribute to a car or insurance? Fine, but you won't hear me asking for it. I bet you will hear OS asking about the car though (lol he is a teen after all)
Extras is a pretty big word around here, you do mean year book - bought them all
all proms - paid for all dances so far
a car - I may try to buy a cheap one but OS will have to pay me back for it. I don't believe kids should "get" a car for free.
the smart phone - I did buy his phone but he doesn't like smart phones they die too fast with texting lol.
some kind of kid lessons(instrument - Done it 3x so far
sports - Paid for it all
transportation - to where? I take OS to and from school everyday so he can attend a school that can challenge him. I take the kids to all doctor appointments, pick them up when sick, friends houses, movies, skating, and one way with Ex on holidays.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Redlegg
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Here is a situation that some may yet encounter, when it comes to the good of the child. You may end up writing a check to the ex, just so the ex doesn't ask their grown child to "borrow" money, which they really don't have to give because they are just starting out as a family. Seems strange, but sometimes the good of the child can go places you never expect...
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cpnebraska
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I forgot to add then when we got divorced out judge asked him what he wanted in regards to the kids. Ex stated He just wanted visitation.
So he is the one that gave me sole custody. Legal and physical.
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Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
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Redlegg
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Extras is a pretty big word around here
Everything you said just reinforces the differences in individuals, and situations. It works for you, that is what you have to do. Fair sounds good, but sometimes what works is what works. It may not be fair, and it may even sound stupid, but if it works, well, it works...
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ssmom79
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We overpay support due to an antiquated system that refuses to recognize 50/50 placement, even though the state forms and the county forms recognize it. Courts just don't like to award it.
On top of the CS we overpay, we also handle most, if not all, extras for the kids and that is all.the.time for the past 11 years. That includes yearbooks, school dances and clothing for said dances, vehicles, most extracurriculars (this year BM paid for 1/2 cheerleading for SD and I was THRILLED), and pretty must any transportation needed. That's for cheer comps, football games, practices, transportation between houses (although it is only two miles). We also maintain toiletries for two households now since both SS and SD have started bringing the toothpaste, toothbrushes, hairspray, hair gel, deodorant and pretty much everything else to BM's from my home. And finally, SD has a very strong vision correction and her contacts are expensive, BM cannot afford that so I pay for them.
So I am no stranger to the extra benefits that BM reaps from the fact we put the kids first in that, if they need it, we will make sure they have it because she can't/won't do it.
You can't win them all...but you can make sure your kids are taken care of. Like Sherron, making sure her kids had EVERYTHING down to the meals for the household. Like DD paying for things over and above child support. Like Redlegg writing checks to his ex to avoid the kids being a bank to a parent. We all make sacrifices for our kids. Just make sure you're recognizing the reason you do it is because they are your kids and you love them.
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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Could you give some scenarios when a CP may want/need to send money to the NCP?
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You mean like when SRS paid her ex $20 a week to take her kids to dinner? How sad was that, he needed her to pay to take them to dinner. And she knew the kids wanted to spend time with their dad, so she sacrificed that and put aside the fact she should not HAVE to do it, and just did it cause it worked.
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youngatheart
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Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Well...I will say that my ex has. He paid the deposit for my house...two years post-divorce.
But, we handle things very differently than most people, I'll agree with you. When he was having surgery in my town, I opened my home to him and his adult son. When he could afford to drive back and forth to my town for 3 Dr appts in a week, I again opened my home. We work together, rather than whining about the other...kinda how I think it should be.
Note to say, that yes, we still have our arguments, and differences of opinion, but it always seems to come back to us both knowing the other isn't an evil piece of Crap who is just trying to hurt the other parent.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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How many checks has anyone written above and beyond the court ordered amount of CS and handed it to the CP or to the NCP. You can argue/discuss what it is for, you can discuss what the other parent should do, or what your choices would be, but the reality is that it is very rare, on either side for someone to just cut a check above and beyond the court ordered amount, and hand it to the other parent.
Who does that, anyone, anyone.....
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My H did that for EIGHT YEARS...
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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"My H did that for EIGHT YEARS... "
He wrote checks to bm? Why would he give more money to her when he believed she wasn't handling the cs in dd's best interest? I can see doing what DD did, writing a check to the school for lunches, the year book... I don't understand handing more money to a parent who you believe is already mismanaging what they receive for cs... and a rather generous amount of cs at that in your case.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
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Those are the things that I am speaking of...its nice to see it happen on both sides of the spectrum. I think even gr8 was willing to pay for his X's hotel room on her way to pick up their children.
Anyway, in regards to having to pay for a lot of extras SD's last year of HS-- we didn't mind. We weren't just going to fork over money because SD felt she NEEDED something, but if it was a NEED (and there were some wants) we paid for it. I don't know if I can say at that point, BM mishandled her money. She was separating from her H, they sold their house and took a loss, she bought another one and I am sure she was struggling. And I know for certain that the CS was subsidizing her/her other childrens' lifestyles, as she admitted. However, at that particular time she was struggling and we helped out with things she could not buy even though it fell under what CS should have covered.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Post deleted by DedicatedDad
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
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and all those are because of the choices of a person, or persons, and it has nothing to do with custodial status of that person. If that were true, I would also expect that if you were the custodial parent, the same problem would exist, and they would subsidizing your lifestyle. There is a reason, I do not believe that because it seems you are doing the right thing by the child, or what you decide is the right thing, such as tuition, a car, etc.
So how is it a CP/NCP issue, and not just an individual issue..
How did you get the BM to spend it on SD, and not herself, once you handed her the check, what got her to do the right thing???
There is a ton of anecdotal evidence right on this board, that NCP's are too cheap to actually pay CS and even spend time with their kids, but that in no way defines what the majority of NCPs are, they determine that on their own, individually.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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"My H did that for EIGHT YEARS... "
He wrote checks to bm? Why would he give more money to her when he believed she wasn't handling the cs in dd's best interest? I can see doing what DD did, writing a check to the school for lunches, the year book... I don't understand handing more money to a parent who you believe is already mismanaging what they receive for cs... and a rather generous amount of cs at that in your case.
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He gave her his OWN increase EVERY YEAR (for the first 8 years, when CS was not $1200/month) because he thought it was the right thing to do. Every year he would just add on an increase, usually based on the COLA. So when she went for the first INCREASE after those 8 years H was actually overpaying and CS would in all actuality be lowered.
BM didn't really want an increase and never asked for one (during that time), but H felt it was benefiting SD. Come to find out that BM was getting state aid based off the CO'd CS amount. So she would use that CO to show the state to qualify her for state aid. One of the times that BM became angry with H was when she asked him, in writing, that he had no insurance on SD. Obviously H wouldn't since SD was on his insurance, but she was using state funded insurance so she had NO out of pocket. I think after that her state aid stopped some (although she was still getting part of daycare paid).
H suggested to BM that she use that extra money to get out of the area she was living in, it was pretty rough. Soon BM met her now XH and then she moved in with him, they bought a home together and SD was living more comfortably.
H ALWAYS gave BM the BOD. I really don't know why? She has next to no good in her, I just think he wanted to believe that she did.
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Redlegg
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That is doing what he thought was right, and it worked for him, and hopefully SD, but that is far from the norm. It takes a stand up person/people to do what you guys did, and you are the exception, and definitely not the rule. You guys are good people.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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TBH, at that time I don't know that I thought it was the right thing to do ;) However, ultimately the choice was his. I get frustrated when BM blames SD for BM's choices. Like she didn't go to college because of SD or she didn't do this or that, she sacrificed her life for SD's. I had to tell SD that wasn't true- she had a choice to go to college free and clear and she dropped out less than a semester in. BM continued to have more children. I think those kids always had clothes and toys, but BM struggled to make her rent or her car insurance (I will tell you there were times WE tightened our belt so we could pay CS EARLY- before payday, so that BM could pay her car insurance by the deadline of it being suspended). So we did some good and hopefully it pays off in the end :):)
Not going off on a tangent...but my son said the other day he felt so sad for his friend because his Mom told him he was a "mistake". That he wasn't suppose to be born... I just find it so strange that people would even allude to that with their children. My son's heart was heavy for him because the way the kid talked about how his Mom told him he was an "mistake". I don't want any child to feel that way and I do hope SD realizes that she didn't take from her Mom's life. We all make sacrifices as parents, that is what being a parent is all about!
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youngatheart
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Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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But that happens on both sides...the same could be said for my ex...I mostly choose to accept it. Not that I don't complain here and there, but at the end of the day, I just move on.
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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Ultimately, everything I do, every choice I make, every dime I spend or save, any conversation I have with my ex, crap I put up with, times I let it all go, times I let my ex sleep on our couch, refuse court, everything I live or breathe I have to wing it and it's ALL done with regard to the best interest of my son. I have to show our son the right way. I'm the best person for that job. A job I don't get paid for in CS or salary. I drink a lot of wine. (wink)
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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WHen I quit giving him the $20 a visit ($40 a week), he quit seeing them so often. Then, I started sending food over for the household plus snacks (including milk) for the weekends he'd take them. I'd send over toilitries, diapers, formula (even though there was frozen breastmilk in the deep freeze at his house). Now, 5 years later, he takes them perhaps once a month for dinner.
ETA: I also pay for private school out of pocket because we live in a school district that I don't care for. I drive to all Scout, swimming, gymnastic, and reading tutor sessions with DD. I take off when school is out, I take off for doctor appointments, and sick kids. He refuses to help.
My expenses have gone up since he won't see them. Plus, he won't pay child support nor has he asked for a modification.
I know my case is an extreme. I understand that.
But, let's not pretend all NCP or all CPs are perfect.
Edited by SRS (11/13/11 08:41 AM)
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