Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
|
|
I thought my stbx and I would be able to come to a cooperative, amicabale separation agreement so that I could move out peacefully but he has become more hostile as of late and now I'm not sure if he will even sign one unless I give up all my custodial rights with regards to two of the children. He is using my desire for the agreement to try to force me to give him everything he wants so that he will sign it. I am not willing to do that. But I fear if I do not have a separation agreement in place when I move out that he will later say something like I "abandoned" my kids since I would have left with no formal agreement outlining the schedule for the children and making it clear there is no abandonment. If he makes that accusation I could lose everything. What are you supposed to do if the stbx refuses to sign a separation agreement? I can't just stay here forever waiting for him to sign it. He is making life as unbearable as possible because he is angry that I wish to leave. Also, I want to be able to move on with my life and I'm afraid without the agreement in place we will not formally be considered "separated" even if I have moved out, and I won't be able to get on with my life - or will be looked down on by the court for doing so without having the separation agreement in place. Thank you to anyone who can help with this conundrum. I should also note that I cannot afford an attorney. I just spent $1,000 on an attorney and I need money to move. I can't afford another retainer.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
|
|
Before we can tell you anything, we would need to know the specifics of the agreement that you want him to sign. A lot of times, an agreement SEEMS fair, until we see it from another perspective. So what are the terms?
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
|
|
I am requesting joint physical custody. I would even grant him a greater percentage of the time, such as 60%/40% or 65%/35%. He is demanding sole physical custody. As far as I'm concerned that's the "worst case scenario" I would get in court so I don't see why he thinks I should just "give" him that willingly when I do not think it is what's best, fair, or what I would be granted in court. As for property distribution we are not in any disagreement on that so no problem there. He also doesn't like the idea that the agreement makes the separation "official" since he wishes he could force me to stay in the marriage and with him in the household.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
|
|
"I am requesting joint physical custody. I would even grant him a greater percentage of the time, such as 60%/40% or 65%/35%."
I think there lies the rub. You say you would "grant" him more time. First of all, you don't "grant" anything. I am ALL in favor of 50/50 custody. So SPELL IT OUT, ie, "ExHubby will have the children from X to Y, exWifey will have the children from Y to Z. ETC ETC"
Vague orders are the BANE of a civil agreement.
As for him not wanting you to leave, well, that is for him to work out, but you want the order to indicate as FAIR of an agreement as possible.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
|
|
If you can't settle amicably the best course is to file for divorce and request a temporary hearing -- or whatever it's called in your jurisdiction.
I wouldn't bargain with custody. The offer of 50/50 seems fair. Give him a complete agreement covering custody, parenting plan, division of property. Give it 30 days. Don't bargain against yourself. Wait for a response. If it's not forthcoming, file the petition.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
|
|
I'm guessing that by saying "moving on with your life" you are talking about moving in with someone else. I don't suggest that you do that right out of the gate, either with or without a separation agreement. You are right that if that is your intention you could end up with no legal custody and possibly no overnight parenting time as long as you're sharing a home without being married. A lot of states don't care about that and Virginia may be one of them but I'd make darn sure I knew for sure before I'd risk it.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
|
|
I kinda got a feeling there is another man in this picture.... I think you need to go through your states proper channels and not take short cuts in order to get your groove on..... The man can wait. Follow states recommendations for seperation/custody.
|
dadinva
newbie
Reged: 06/06/11
Posts: 47
|
|
[quote] A lot of states don't care about that and Virginia may be one of them but I'd make darn sure I knew for sure before I'd risk it. [/quote]
I live in Virginia, and although not gone through a divorce, did go through the custody thing. I was told by two GALS that this (unmarried cohabitation) was a big issue in Virginia, and it did matter in my case.
|
Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
|
|
Go with the advice of the GALs then. They should know.
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3051
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
I have read this poster's comments in another section on this site regarding how to have her spouse spped up the process so that they can both **get on with their lives** My advice to that post is that at some point, a divorce will be granted, regardless of how long it takes and that it may take someone else longer to process than it does her.
Like RWS, I new wonder if there is another person that is involved, I can't think of any other reason to attempt to speed up this process and if one is contemplating leaving their children to do so? and doesn't want it to be called abandonment?
Something isn't right here.
I also live in Virginia. I think it would depend on the judge as to how unmarried cohabitation is considered in the scheme of things -- I would NEVER open myself to the possibility of leaving my kids at all. There's no one in the world that's worth it.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
