SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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The kids are so excited that Dad is taking them to dinner tomorrow night. He'll have them for about an hour. I'm glad for them, but it does hurt my feelings.
I am here every day for everything. Dad shows up when he feels like it and takes them for an hour to dinner.
I know they are excited because they don't see him very often. But, it does hurt the feelings of the person who takes care of them by herself all of the time.
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chaznsc
newbie
Reged: 12/22/09
Posts: 43
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Been there, done that. While it hurts, please understand they need that guy so much they will take anything they can get. Believe me, one day, your effort and tears will pay off. I don't know why your Ex doesn't participate regularly, but the kids will figure that out on their own,....they are very perceptive. Sorry you have to go thru this.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Yup, been there, done that. Ex spends more than an hour but he doesn't do the normal, day to day, handle doctors etc etc etc stuff I do. And he's a hero. OMG! Dad made me peanut butter and jelly!! Okayyyyy, I do that All.The.Time.
It hurts, but it is what it is. They have limited time with the other parent so what does happen, is pretty special to them.
THAT said... my daughter has ALSO said, almost exact quote "Daddy doesn't take care of me as good as you do". He misses meds, doesn't do things the way she likes them, she's come back sick more times than I can count etc..
My daughter loves her dad. He loves her. They don't have an ideal "father/daughter" relationship necessarily but he IS her dad. In whatever capacity that takes. it's my job to facilitate that AND be genuinely HAPPY for it. Because she's my child, I love HER and I love what makes HER happy. It's not about my poor, wounded ego. So I don't make it about that. Doesn't mean I don't get the occasional pang of resentment, but I absolutely HAVE to let it go, and quick. AND, I have to be incredibly GRATEFUL for all the time I get.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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Given your ex's history of taking them when he feels like it - is it wise to tell them - hasn't he not shown up before or cancelled?
I hope he does follow through children deserve both parents even a parent that doesn't take regular parenting time - a less then should be involved parent is better then none
I understand your feelings - when my hubby's ex took the kids on trips (ala the rich husband) it was difficult - we were the everyday support system and she got the fun time and it was a expensive fun time which we could ill afford - usually ski trips and Hawaii, Mexico - etc... not to mention she could not seem to pay her 75.00/month for two children child support but would take a lot of fun trips - it su@ked we couldn't do the same for them - of course we were there when ss had his appendix taken out and she couldn't afford to get there - uh huh ok whatever....
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"a less then should be involved parent is better then none "
I don't think this is true for all situations.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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[quote]"a less then should be involved parent is better then none "
I don't think this is true for all situations. [/quote]
------------>> Not for all, but for the majority it is I think. SRS's ex isn't abusive, or whatever, he's just selfish and his kids aren't his first priority. Surprise surprise, neither was his marriage. Doesn't mean he's still not A father nor that he shouldn't have any interaction. Nor does it mean that his kids don't benefit by at least SOME interaction.
I think if one manages EXPECTATIONS of the child(ren) it makes a HUGE difference. Like, for me, there's NO question that my ex totally deprioritizes OUR child. Absolutely, 1000% zero doubt at all. It's been reinforced, yet AGAIN, this Christmas, HIS holiday. Other child won't be there, by his allowing her not to be, guess who else won't be there? That's right, he's not taking ours because he won't have the other. God forbid he do that ;) Now, it could a dramatic/traumatic thing for our child OR it could just be a really non-event in her world. And that's what will happen, it'll be a non-event, blip on the radar, no tears, hurt feelings, whatever.
I really think it's the PARENT(S) who make a big deal out of this stuff and kids are sponges, they pick it ALL up, particularly when they are young and particularly if they are the sensitive/emotional sort.
I have to say for what issues my child DOES (or did) have, divorce adjustment was not one of them. And that's mostly due to how I handle things. There's quite a few folks on here who, it's VERY clear by their attitudes, are probably doing more damage to their kids in a post-divorce situation than the supposedly "bad" parent. It's sad.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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Okay... my point was that sweeping generalizations typically don't hold true. But welcome back, pm.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I understood your point just fine Sherron. I didn't go anywhere, just not posting as much :) And it's LB, which you know.. still as passive aggressive as ever aren't you dear? :)
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"I understood your point just fine Sherron. I didn't go anywhere, just not posting as much :) And it's LB, which you know.. still as passive aggressive as ever aren't you dear? :) "
You'll always be pm, nothing "passive aggressive" about that, "dear". If you have concerns with my posts, feel free to put me on ignore.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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I still have to think about it to call you LB instead of PM. It isn't necessarily a PA thing. When I think about what you are posting, LB is nowhere in my brain. You will always be PM in my book, too.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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