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Tania7120
recently joined


Reged: 11/17/11
Posts: 2
Loc: South Carolina
Hello
      #768196 - 11/17/11 01:28 PM

I will start with hello:) I am new here. First off to say that I have never been legally married but going through custody issues just the same. We went through child custody in March of last year and I ended up with sole legal and physical custody, his visitation consists of supervised parenting time but yet has refused to take advantage of it since she was 2 months old due to alcohol abuse issues.

Recently I ended up asking the court in Denver to allow me to move to South Carolina and this was approved being he has never taken advantage of parenting and he lives in California.

Now he is calling me at 11-12pm at night about 8-9 times even though I have told him that people are asleep. Our court order states he has supervised visitation in the state of Carolina with 30 days notice however he refuses to do this so has not showed up. Yet is claiming that I am preventing him from seeing our 3 year old. Is following a court order considered preventing him from seeing minor child? If he takes me to court over this will I get into trouble following the court order? He keeps trying to pull the guilt trips, and I am just not sure what to think :(

--------------------
Tania Kalisek


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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Re: Hello [Re: Tania7120]
      #768201 - 11/17/11 01:43 PM

If you have a court order that states he has supervised visitation in S. Carolina, and he hasn't attempted to do that then no you are not preventing him from seeing his child. If he attempted to plan a visit by following the court order and you denied the visit, that would be a no-no. Have his calls been in regards to planning a visit?

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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
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Re: Hello [Re: Tania7120]
      #768209 - 11/17/11 03:10 PM

Has he tried to set up visitation even if it's not in the 30 days notice? You won't be "in trouble" for following the CO but the judge would probably want to know if there was a reason why he couldn't see the child even though by the time he tried to arrange it, it was only 21 days or only 14 days notice.

Put the shoe on the other foot. If your child lived a whole country away and you had to travel there to see him/her and the other parent refused because you didn't follow the 30 days notice how would you feel. Forget that he had alcohol problems 3 years ago. Think of how you would feel now, today if the other parent were allowed to take your child that far away and then stuck to the exact wording of the CO. Sometiems it's hard to make plans 30 days in advance and if you don't have plans when he can be there then you should let him see her.

As for the phone calls-----it's a 3 hour time difference. Dependin on his work schedule he may not be able to call you when it's 8:00 at your house. I say cut the guy some slack. He may not be perfect but you chose to have a child with him. Now you have 15 moer years of co-parenting.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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Tania7120
recently joined


Reged: 11/17/11
Posts: 2
Loc: South Carolina
Re: Hello [Re: Debi]
      #768217 - 11/17/11 04:18 PM

No, he has never, ever even attempted to plan a visit. If he did attempt without 30 days notice I would allow it. I would ignore the alcohol issues a year ago except for the fact that the alcohol hasnt ended IE a DUI the other day with his girl friends kids in the car. That isnt the issue since he has not yet attempted to visit.

As for the phone calls no it is not regarding his daughter nor setting up visitation. In his words "I am just drinking and dialing". It just also ends up with him talking about his private life and living at his parents. He doesnt work in fact is unemployed so I know that that isnt an issue either.

--------------------
Tania Kalisek


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Renny
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Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
Re: Hello [Re: Tania7120]
      #768218 - 11/17/11 04:50 PM

The continuous calling probably constitutes stalking under te domestic violence statute in s Carolina. You could get an ex parte restraining order and then a 12 month one. That would stop the calling. If he is someone with a true drinking problem there probably won't be any solution until he stops. People can change after they stop drinking.

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Debi
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Re: Hello [Re: Tania7120]
      #768230 - 11/17/11 08:51 PM

Well then I'm not sure what you would worry about in regards to the CO. If he's not requesting any visitation then you can't be refusing.

I disagree that a restraining order is the way to go. You have a child with him and he has a right to call at reasonable times to discuss the child or speak to the child. If he's calling a cell phone then shut it off at bed time. if it's a land line then take it off the hook. If he does reach you and starts talking about things that don't pertain to seeing the child or the child in general then just hang up. He can't hold you as a captive audience from across the country unless you let him.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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BeckaLeigh
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Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
Re: Hello [Re: Debi]
      #768235 - 11/17/11 09:21 PM

I am with Debi. A restraining order should be the last stop, a drastic one. It may be irritating to deal with the calls, but restraining orders are not for small stuff like this, unless he is threatening.

As long as you are doing what you are supposed to, he has no chance in court. I hope things improve and he becomes a positive addition to the child you guys have.

--------------------
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9847
Loc: Arkansas
Re: Hello [Re: Tania7120]
      #768254 - 11/18/11 06:44 AM

The only thing I see you doing wrong is engaging him. When he calls, answer the first call (assuming you answer the 8 or 9), if he calls back a second time, ignore it. Or change his ringtone to silent and let all of his calls go to VM. Or get a CO stating that the 30 days notice must be by mail and then block his number completely. NO WAY would I tolerate harassment to the tune of 8-9 calls a night.

--------------------
Eternity is too long to be wrong.


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buckwheat
journeyman
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Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 86
Re: Hello [Re: Avaya]
      #768299 - 11/18/11 11:51 AM

Turn the damn phone off, is all I can say.

Jeez, at least monitor the call, if its him dont answer him, this is learned behaviour on his part, he knows if he calls you will talk to him, no this isnt stalking.


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Renny
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Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
Re: Hello [Re: buckwheat]
      #768324 - 11/18/11 04:04 PM

8-9 calls a day? In real life, the judge will grant you a restraining order for stalking. For those interested in the fine points of stalking, what my be missing, but can be inferred from the facts, is the intent to intimidate. The guy may be a drunken fool that means no harm. On the other hand, 8-9 calls a day are a damn nuisance and he is accusing her of denying him Tim with the children.

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