Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"REALLY? Yes, that is the way it has almost always been."
Yeah, really... I don't quite get why people decide to have kids when they are not interested in being parents.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"boxed wine (thanks Sherron)"
Anytime, RJ... glad I could help lol. ;)
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I meant really as I have been posting here since 2005 and I guess I thought my situation was pretty clear. He is a good person- kind and generous. I truly believe that because he was the one to raise SD fully for the first two years/two and a half years- with little help from BM- then BM (just because she was female) was awarded sole custody that it sort of tainted him.
I see him be more of a father to SD now that she is an adult then he has ever been. I think because she is an adult and he knows how to talk to an adult. She doesn't need that constant care a child would need.
I try to tell my children now how incredibly difficult it is to be a parent. There is not a book of rules to it. It is the hardest job out there and you have to be emotionally, financially and mentally stable to do well at it. I would be content never having any grandchildren, however H would prefer grandchildren. lol
Regardless my kids appreciate me. They have told me, numerous times, that without me life would not be the same :) They know how much I do for them and they know why I am as strict (for lack of a better word) as I am. Everything I do, I do for them.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"I meant really as I have been posting here since 2005 and I guess I thought my situation was pretty clear."
I understood that his job limited his availability to parent, but I figured he would parent whenever he had the opportunity. If you've said differently, I missed it, entirely possible.
At least you knew what you were getting yourself into before you had kids... you knew you'd be pretty much a single parent, 100% responsible for your children's upbringing, at least emotionally, not financially. But, if it works for you, it's not for me to say if it's right or wrong. Many of us didn't plan to be single parents... we planned on raising our kids as part of a team, with the other parent. So maybe that initial expectation has something to do with it. You knew from the start you'd be in this all by yourself, that dad's contribution would be only financially... we had an agreement with the other parent to be in this together... and to have the other parent change that agreement mid stream... yeah, there are some resentful moments. I try not to dwell on them, and sometimes I succeed at this more than others. I can understand another parent needing to vent, when they are a single parent, carrying the entire load on their shoulders...and not by their choice.
"Everything I do, I do for them. "
Well... we do have that in common. :)
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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OK, do all you do on your paycheck alone with no child support, not married, and your ex f-ing with your children and you every chance he gets. Then you will begin to understand how we feel. Granted, I also do not know how you feel being married with a high income and being a stepmom. But you also have no idea what it feels like to be a single parent doing it all alone. To me it feels like you are downplaying our struggles without fully understanding it and never having done it yourself. I give you kudos and the benefit of the doubt for what you accomplish. We just want the same.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Unfortunately I did not know this coming in. I knew I would be taking off time to attend appointments and be the main care giver, but I didn't realize that he wasn't going to take an important role in their upbringing. Once I was in, I realized it. I had my children young and we struggled financially for YEARS- more years than not (at this current time period). I always say this isn't the life I chose and at times it sucks, but yes there are many people worse off than I am.
Edited by Cassie23 (11/17/11 09:09 PM)
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I'm not downplaying your struggles, I was just pointing out as Tweeby, did that even in intact families there are similar struggles. My posting wasn't about YOU or taking away from YOUR struggles, your life or what YOU have had to deal with. It's not a competition--- I was putting out MY thoughts on MY life and how I have dealt with my life.
As a family we have a high income now, that was not not always the case. That has been the case for the last 5-6 years. Now the 12 years before that as a family we were at poverty level at times. I remember only have $10 to spend on EACH kid one Christmas and there the grandparents weren't able to afford much more.
I am blessed by my life and I help out every family member that struggles (there are 9 of us total). I also do what I can to help out friends and strangers.
Again I apologize if you felt that I was downplaying your struggles- just we all have them. Mine may not be the same as yours (as I have never been a single parent), but as you said you have never been a stepmom trying to deal with a CP who tried to destroy the relationship with your family and stepchild every chance she got.
It's unfortunate, I think, that you feel I am downplaying your struggles while you downplay mine :/
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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It's not a competition
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Exactly my point of posting. SRS is not you. We each have our own struggles and we each need time to vent and deal with them in our own ways. I like that SRS puts out her true feelings that are not necessarily popular ...it shows me she's human and not a machine and realizes that she isn't perfect. It was a vent post. Her feelings are important. The last thing we all need is to be told that because everybody has struggles that ours are not unique or important.
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It's unfortunate, I think, that you feel I am downplaying your struggles while you downplay mine :/
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Did you miss the part where I said I give you kudos? I'm sorry you missed that part.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I was agreeing with someone else who posted on SRS's posting. I just find it strange that unless I am responding the way someone wants me to then I am not allowing her to vent. I added my own struggles in regards to someone else's response.
Not too long ago I saw a post from I believe a newbie where they were venting about their struggles and SRS responded with something to the effect, "Well that's the pot calling the kettle black". I think that there is certain group that plays favorites or has a double standard- I find that unfortunate.
As for downplaying my struggles as you described me as a "married high income stepmom" as compared to you others' who do it on one "paycheck alone with no child support, not married, and your ex f-ing with your children and you every chance he gets". I appreciate the kudos, but it doesn't take away the rest.
Let me just add a FTR--- we are not a high income household because the cash fairy dropped a bag of cash in our laps. I make 3x's what I did ten years ago as H makes several times what he did because we WORKED for it. Just as probably most all of you have. We struggled with one income for a couple years because my then 3 year old daughter was diagnosed with a disease that left her unable to open her eyelids. Yes, a voluntary movement such as opening her eyelids was impossible for her. I spent weeks in the hospital with her to get her diagnosed and treated. Left was a medication that cost $150/month on a small income was tough. When other parents speak about their preemies or rough life in regards to their child's health...I don't bring up my child and downplay their preemie or sick child because mine has an illness that is very rare for children to be diagnosed with in our country. Their struggle is still important, I'm just adding on that I have been there. Maybe not the same exact situation, but I have been there too.
I guess its perspective. Just as you enjoy SRS truth/human feelings, I enjoy others' on the opposite of the spectrum. Doesn't make hers wrong or right- I'm just sayin'.
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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You still don't get what I'm trying to say. That you haven't ever experienced the stress of having one income and having everything on your shoulders with no backup. I would still like for you to just imagine what it would be like to do it on your "paycheck alone with no child support, not married, and your ex f-ing with your children and you every chance he gets". But the one-upping has officially run me out of this thread.
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