AvasMommy
recently joined
Reged: 11/19/11
Posts: 1
Loc: IL
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Ok, so the divorce is immanent. No going back blah blah blah. Been together 6 years, married 4, have a 4 year old daughter. Been through thick and thin, PCS to a new base Oct 9th. He starts work around the 14th of Oct. Nov 13th in a druken stupor tells me he wants to leave me for his co worker. He's had sex with her ect, ect. The things he said to me Sunday are things he will never take back, and I will never forgive. He's unwilling to fix anything, told me that I cant fix anything because im not her. 2 days prior to all of this, we were looking at new Christmas trees, where we were going to put it ect. I havent even gotten all the unpacking done. I met with 3 big people from his shop yesterday, the process started at 2 pm, and I didnt get officially done until 930pm. They requested that my guns be locked in the armory due to a past suicide attempt he had 5 years ago. They asked me what I wanted. This.... Co worker has done this before to families, she cant keep her legs closed, got pregnant in Tech school, and has a 3 year old of her own. So I want blood, stripes, discharges, whatever I can get out of this. He is willing to give up his family, the things we've worked so hard for, his DAUGHTER, after knowing this.... Co worker for only 3ish weeks, I want repercussions. I told them to decide what to do, but I want her reprimanded just as much as him, because it takes two to tango. They decided to place a no contact order between he and I for 30 days, and to my relief they also placed one on him and ..... [i]her[/i] . Thank God for small favors. Yes I am going to leave, have TMO pack my things up and take me back to the cold tundra of ND so I can live with my mother as a single mother. Yay, totally looking forward to that... NOT. I talked with a JAG officer lawyer lady, she said that right now we're in limbo because we are not technically IL residents until we've been here for 6 months, because I was asking her about alimony. She wouldnt give me any advice. His higher ups I spoke with yesterday informed me that the JAG office would be very unwilling to help me, and to go to a civilian lawyer. So when I get back to ND, thats exactly what I plan to do. So any other tid bits/advice would be great for me getting the upper part of this very raw deal. I accept the fact that he no longer wants me. But what kills me is his lack of compassion for our daughter, his willingness to give everything (including her) up for this vile creature, not even worthy of being a human being.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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I can tell by your language you are Air Force and I will tell you that the AF is very lax with its "support dependents" 1997 regulation. There is no real set amount of financial support he would have to pay you. (see below for advice) I know when my husband was in a command position he could only "strongly suggest" things to the AD member after speaking to LEGAL about it.
The odds of you getting any sort of alimony on a 4 year marriage is very unlikely regardless of his bad behavior.
Your best bet is to get a civilian lawyer to file a motion and get yourself a court order for child support in the interim, that way you can have his pay garnished while you hash out the divorce details.
You say you want blood and stripes and to make them pay, but you are just taking food out of your and your child's mouth. As long as he is ADAF you will get a child support check every month and your daughter will have healthcare/dental care and an ID card.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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As a service member he has a right to be sued for divorce either:
A. The state he is stationed in
B. His state of residence
C. His home of record (where he lived when he joined)
Or he can agree to submit to jurisdiction wherever you file.
I don't understand the no contact order. You haven't mentioned any threats etc. What a waste of resources if you are just pi$$ed. And now you can't talk to him to straighten out where you will divorce. They are reserved for people who genuinely fear for their safety - and really shouldn't be used to punish someone - even a cheating pr!ck. It's hard enough for battered women to be taken seriously without people getting no contact orders for spite.
You will most certainly get child support. Alimony is not likely. He probably doesn't make THAT much (particularly after child support) and you weren't married for very long.
If you choose to go back to ND - you will have to be putting your child on a plane - possibly as an unaccompanied minor - to visit him. And she will visit him for extended periods of time since she lives so far away. Being a cheater has no bearing on his rights as a father. I would seriously consider the ramifications of a move before I up and leave. Even 2 or 3 years from now if he gets transferred and you move then at least then she will be older and better equipped for extended visits.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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A no contact order is not uncommon in the AF. Usually the member has to leave the home and move into lodging or the dorms. I am assuming the command felt it to be a somewhat hostile situation.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26677
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Read this again, it is very important.
You say you want blood and stripes and to make them pay, but you are just taking food out of your and your child's mouth. As long as he is ADAF you will get a child support check every month and your daughter will have healthcare/dental care and an ID card.
He deserves all of that, but the reality is that you now have a child, and when you go for the payback, there will be how many years of dealing with him, as a parent, and him knowing you effectively ended his career, or at least tried. They know what he did, there are no contact orders, let the CofC deal with that, and you focus on what you need to do, not what you feel you need to do to him.....
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