ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Purposely not answering a question is pretty much dodging a question.
I am no stranger to the whole daycare included with child support, currently have an order over ten years old, neither party willing to go to court for fear of the other party. So we still pay an amount equal to SD in full time daycare and SS in after school daycare. They are 14 and 17.
Bottom line, if we want to change it, we go to court. We don't arbitrarily decide to underpay a court ordered amount because we feel slighted by the amount.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I would go with goodmom's original plan of action.
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hurryupwait
newbie
Reged: 09/23/11
Posts: 31
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Gr8tDad - I just wanted to break this down for you, in case it would help.
Child Support is Court Ordered
In VA, one must return to court to request a review in order for that amount to be changed.
Our agreement does not state that we ever HAVE to have a review; VA states one is allowed every 3 years or based on a change of a at least a certain %.
If neither of us ever requests a review, and we are fine paying the original amount, then neither of us are defauding each other.
In this situation, HE is the one not paying his ordered amount and wants a change, but wants me to do it for him. I am not inclined to do things for him any longer as we are not togther.
If he wants a review he is well within in his right to request one and I will willingly and honestly participate, until that time, he is court ordered to pay X amount, and is in contempt of court by not doing so.
I really do not understand what your problem is. Again in Virginia, we could go from the date of our agreement till the age of 18 without ever changing the amount - no where does it indicate that either of us must drag each other to court over every pay increase, daycare or medical cost.
People going to court for every little change causes unnecessary backlogs.
We have done fairly well with our agreement for close to 10 years, bet a lot of people can't say that!
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Daycare is a sore spot for many of us. I paid daycare until the oldest was 13, and not one nickel was used after she was 8. I tried to get it changed, but my ex was lower income and getting state paid daycare (which means her part is paid for, the NCP's isn't). In those 5 years, just under $10K was overpaid and there wasn't anything I could do about it, as the state said the payments remain as long she qualified for it, whether she used it or not.
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hurryupwait
newbie
Reged: 09/23/11
Posts: 31
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Wow DedicatedDad, that does not seem right at all! I am sorry for those of you who have problems like that, I do know that there are many with much bigger issues than I am currently having.
I really only want things to be done correctly and in the best interest of our child. I have always thought his Dad wanted the same too, but things seem to have changed and the last 5 months or so...
Anyway, I am sorry for those of you whose X's make things harder than they should or chose greed over their children; I know I am just a name on the internet, but that is not how I live my life.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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What you do not seem to understand is that in MANY cases, the NCP has to PAY for a child support review, hiring a lawyer, etc. On the other hand, the CP can request a review from CSE and the office will take care of it at no cost.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"I really only want things to be done correctly and in the best interest of our child. I have always thought his Dad wanted the same too, but things seem to have changed and the last 5 months or so..."
So because the guy has some money troubles (which you stated he TOLD you he was having), all of a sudden he doesn't care about the kids?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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hurryupwait
newbie
Reged: 09/23/11
Posts: 31
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gr8Dad - I have to work on my wording with you, as I am not used to people using my words the way you do.
I do TOTALLY understand about paying for a Review, because in our situation which ever one of us requests it, must pay for it, as our case does not go through CSE, it was done as part of our divorce decree, in order for it to go through CSE one of us would have to go to court to request the case be re-opened and then again to request a transfer to CSE; So again - if he wants it reviewed, HE can do the legwork and pay for the court costs - we both will have to pay our own attorney.
Oh and I like how you just NOW brought this up...seems as though your other arguments don't work, so you must look for a new one...
Yes he stated he was having some money troubles due to his mom not paying bills at home, and he actually had to help her. He said he would be back to making full payments in Oct and would work on the arrears. Oct he paid EVEN LESS and will no longer speak to me; He is also making our son VERY uncomfortable about the things he is saying about me, and things he is telling our son that he plans to do.
So I know you don't have the whole story on that...I have mentioned that I am worried about him and he is acting out of character; he also has never missed more than 1 payment in 10 years. Something is not right...and that is why I am trying to get info, I will not do anything at all in court if I feel it will have a negative impact on our son...
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hurryupwait
newbie
Reged: 09/23/11
Posts: 31
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Sorry that should have read 1 payment each year in 10 years. He generally skips December as he misses work for hunting and then has a nice Christmas for our son. It isn't ok but I deal with one payment, it isn't worth fighting over.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"I do TOTALLY understand about paying for a Review, because in our situation which ever one of us requests it, must pay for it"
Since it is NOT through CSE, then you can go sign up for CSE for FREE as the CP. He CANNOT go and request that CSE handle it, because he is the NCP. Yes, he could hire a lawyer and have a new agreement go through CSE, but YOU can do this for FREE.
"Oh and I like how you just NOW brought this up...seems as though your other arguments don't work, so you must look for a new one..."
I was saying YOU Needed to do it FROM THE BEGINNING.
"I have mentioned that I am worried about him and he is acting out of character; he also has never missed more than 1 payment in 10 years. Something is not right...and that is why I am trying to get info, I will not do anything at all in court if I feel it will have a negative impact on our son..."
So, the FACT that you were asking how to have it LEGALLY enforced means you were NOT looking to have it legally enforced? Yeah, right...BAER
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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