youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Sooooo lovely phone call from the school today about Son.
Long story short, he got into a tiff with a boy in the cafeteria this morning at breakfast. Kid said something that hurt Son's feelings, Son threw food at the kid (several times), Kid dumps Son's food tray over, Son takes off after kid AROUND the cafeteria, tackles the kid (knocking over the lunch lady in the process), puts Kid in a choke hold and had to be pulled off the kid. Sigh.
LONGGGGG time at the school talking with his FABULOUS principal who took the time and effort to interview EVERY kid around, talk to Son extensively, talk to the other kid extensively, look at the cafeteria video, etc. The other kid runs around with some of the same kids as Son, but they aren't "friends". No prior issues with the kid.
At this meeting, I found that a similar incident happened the day before Thanksgiving break. Except that story is a little different. It was in one of his classes, at transition time so the teacher was in the hallway monitoring class transitions. There's a boy who sits by son that Son says is always "messing" with him. He was doing so that day, it escalated, kid kicked son, son kicked him back, kid "stabbed" son with a pencil in the back, son took off after the kid. Another kid was sitting sideways in his seat (so his legs were in the aisle. Kid Son was chasing jumped over the kid's feet. Son tripped over the kids feet. Son says that the kid lifted his feet to trip him. Kid obviously says differently. Either way, son then takes off after THAT kid (one who "tripped" him), and they run into the teacher who heard the commotion and came inside to check on things.
Long story short, Son has been suspended for today, and has two days of in-school-suspension after. Principal took time to really talk to Son about his door being open, and if someone is saying ANYTHING to hurt his (Son's) feelings, he should come to him or the counselor or a teacher. That they will work to rectify the situation and ensure that Son is comfortable and happy at school.
Son stated several times to the principal, and later to me that today's events unfolded as described above. He states he "got mad", and shouldn't have, and it's his fault
Sooo...I FINALLY get in touch with Ex (I called him on my way to the school, and after, but he didn't answer). After LAUGHING about today's situation, he starts going on like Ex does.
Ex: "well, That's not true, I'm telling you right now something else happened for Son to do that!".
Me: "Well, Ex, if that is the case, then that's on your son. HE is the one saying THIS is what happened...to the principal and to me. If HE is not telling the truth, that is on HIM".
Ex: "You need to learn something about kids because that's not how to handle son!"
Me: (confused) "Ex, if SON isn't be truthful about what really set him off, how is that someone else's fault?"
Blah blah blah...he asks to talk to Son, who proceeds to tell him the EXACT SAME STORY.
I get the phone back, Ex: "Well, uhhh, he needs to be grounded. And you need to give him a list of chores".
Me: "Yeah, already done."
So, THEN Ex starts in on a tirade about "well, what happened to the other kid?". Because ya know, if the other kid hadn't turned over Son's tray, this would have never happened.
Me: "No, Ex, if SON had never thrown food at the kid, this would never have happened. If SON hadn't chased kid around the cafeteria, this would never have happened"
Ex: "well, next time you need to call me so I can be there"
Me: "Ex, I did call you, you didn't answer."
This goes on with him making some comment about how they wouldn't want him there because he wouldn't let them get away with not answering things like me. !?!?!?!? You know, like what happened to the other kid. With me explaining that the school CANT share what happened to the other kid with us, just like they can't share what happened to Son with the other kid's parents. It's a privacy thing.
Finally I tell him that he is welcome to call the principal if he want to ask more questions since I'm apparently incapable of getting the right information.
And he says, "no, no, I'd probably make things worse". YA THINK!?!?!?!
Sigh. Yes, this is just a vent. I am VERY thankful for Ex-Husband, and I know he loves our kids, but SOME DAYS, I just want to knock some freaking sense into the man!
Ex: No,
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Reilly
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 3374
Loc: right here ----->
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Its easy to armchair quarterback when you aren't the one having to deal with the principal, teachers and others...LOL...I know, because DH does the same thing..."Wellll...did you ASSSSKKKKK???" and..."I would have told them.....<insert snarky comment here> ..."
You're doing a fine job...hopefully DS will get straightened out...
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Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?~Marilyn Monroe
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I go through this with ex too and he's not particularly involved :( I just think "yup, uh huh", pay him the appropriate lip service and try to forget about it.
I really only get annoyed with ex now when he has information about dd and CHOOSES not to follow or chooses to act in a way that hurts her.
Like, she has a thing now with friends where one is always saying "I don't care", basically about how she feels about whatever. And the girl is mean. NOOOO, it's NOT just "me" saying that.. every afterschool teacher has had words with me about the situation and she's been referred to as "mean" and I've seen her in action (the other little girl) and she IS mean. Absolutely the word I would use.
Ex is VERY aware of the situation.. we talk about it almost every time we talk which is twice a week at least. He's aware of the words that are bothering dd. So dd goes Thanksgiving, 2 nights.. did NOT want to stay a 2nd night and apparently said to her dad (b/c I've encouraged her that she needs to tell her dad stuff) that she was missing home.. wanted to go home.. So dad got mad, and yelled at her "{your sister} and I DON'T CARE!!!" THE three little words that she's having the biggest issue with now. That was the last of it, dd just said "I cried in my head" and when I got her, it was obvious he was thoroughly annoyed with her and she couldn't drag me to the boat fast enough.
I know it's probably silly but wtf? You cut half your time with her.. you're blowing HER off for Christmas this year b/c her friggin sister won't be there b/c HE is allowing her NOT to be.. which is causing a whole other set of issues, regarding when Christmas actually IS, b/c apparently he's elected to discuss visitation plans with HER and not with me.. I mean, in a day or two could you manage not to hit the ONE major trigger she has currently? Really? You HAD to yell it her and tell her in actual words that her feelings don't matter to you? She's already fully grasped that his ACTIONS show that he doesn't really care.
Just annoying. And she wants me to address it with him. Which I'm not going to do.
I figure this'll be over in a few years. He's already allowing the other child, at 10, to dictate her visitation.. he's arranging directly through her now. Once she has better things to do, he won't have dd go.
And no, I'm not feeling particularly grateful for him at the moment. I've made a LOT of excuses for him over the years, and he's basically just a crappy excuse for a parent.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I think you handled it well and I think that your son handled telling his side of the story (without lying or exaggerating) and taking his punishment. I don't know why your X cannot see that making excuses for your child's misdoings will do nothing to help him in the end.
I am glad that your son did receive IN school suspension inside of out for the remaining two days.
Lastly, not that I am trying to make excuses for your son BUT you did say his sugar has been off lately. Has that been controlled? I have seen some cases where a low sugar level or a high sugar level could be linked with aggressive/hostile behavior.
My DD gets picked on for being short...so she says she hates being short! I told her that if she wasn't short she would be picked on for something else. Unfortunately some don't understand how words can HURT! I do hope that you son does go to his principal or school authority instead of taking it into his own hands :(
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19802
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Sigh. Yes, this is just a vent. I am VERY thankful for Ex-Husband, and I know he loves our kids, but SOME DAYS, I just want to knock some freaking sense into the man!
---> It's not about 'sense' you know...it's simply that men and women view things differently. Instead of getting frustrated with your ex (for [naturally] trying to defend his son), I would be MORE concerned about your son's OBVIOUS anger issues. Seriously...attacking other children because his 'feelings' were hurt?!?
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Yup, that's pretty much why anyone fights; because they're angry.
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