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Miranda
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: lizk0114]
      #769867 - 12/05/11 07:50 AM

Have you taken the child to a mental health professional? I must have missed the post about you having a baby. that is scary that she cannot be left alone around the child. Very scary...

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lizk0114
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: Miranda]
      #769871 - 12/05/11 08:45 AM

Yes it is scary. And SM or not I told her and H, that if she ever is mean to our son like that again, I will spank her butt on the spot. But I also go to great lengths not to leave her alone with him. I will not even leave our 10 mth old with H if SD is staying too. And I know that sounds bad, but I know that if our 10 mth old is with me he is safe.

And I called this morning and she has an appointment for next week, on Tuesday.


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Cassie23
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: lizk0114]
      #769880 - 12/05/11 09:32 AM

Glad to hear it- about the appointment. I think it needs to start there. SD needs to see her doctor and get the appropriate referrals because this isn't going to just go away with spankings.

I really hope things work out!


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elliesmom
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: lizk0114]
      #769882 - 12/05/11 09:37 AM

Ok, that is good, because that was what i was going to suggest as soon as I read that about your 10mo.

Rejection, abandonment, etc. by her mother is devastating. My SIL is in her late 30s, and she will say that your heart never stops wishing you could have a good relationship, even long after your brain accepts and knows it will never happen. Doesn't generally matter how terrible the mother is/was. Or how much "better" her life is now. And she is taking this hurt out on you all. She needs to learn how to get that out without taking it out on you. Adults struggle with this so its no wonder a girl of her age is having trouble.

I hope both you and your husband re planning to go as well - because the counselor can certainly help you guys develop a better response plan to her behavior. She is too old for "spanking her butt" and that is one thing that I really think needs to be reserved for bioparents if at all. For many reasons not the least of which - the last thing YOUR kids need is for you to be explaining yourself to a CPS investigator.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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lizk0114
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: elliesmom]
      #769894 - 12/05/11 10:26 AM

Elliesmom...I completely agree with you. I have been told by H and mother-in-law the I should spank her, but I will not and they do not understand that. Her BM would be the very one to run to court and I will not give her anything that could help her get SD, that would be the worst thing in the world for her. Also, I have my children to think of. That is the very reason that I don't and haven't.

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Happy Birthday SRS
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: elliesmom]
      #769947 - 12/05/11 02:02 PM

Spanking her butt is not the most appropriate form of punishment - especially for an 8 year old.

You took my chapstick, let me hit you. What are you teaching her?

THere are classes like Love and Logic parenting that would come in handy for your home.


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gr8Dad
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: SRS]
      #769951 - 12/05/11 02:15 PM

"Spanking her butt is not the most appropriate form of punishment - especially for an 8 year old."

Many would disagree with you. It is instant, final and teaches CONSEQUENCES for ACTIONS. What do you think will happen when little Susie takes big Bertha's chapstick out of her purse in high school?

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Sherron
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #769953 - 12/05/11 02:20 PM

"Many would disagree with you. It is instant, final and teaches CONSEQUENCES for ACTIONS. What do you think will happen when little Susie takes big Bertha's chapstick out of her purse in high school? "

Many may disagree, but many others may call it child abuse. What will happen to little Susie, well, that depends... will big Bertha follow the rules and report the incident, or will big Bertha be a rule breaker herself and take matters into her own hands...


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elliesmom
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #769958 - 12/05/11 02:37 PM

IF big bertha were to hit her? She would be in a world of shyt for assault.

I believe in spanking - as a last resort for children young enough that you don't have to hurt them to startle them. That ends around 5 or 6; thankfully right around the age that reason and understanding of consequences that occur beyond 20s of the offense kicks in.

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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.


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lizk0114
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Re: To answer your question Annieo... [Re: Sherron]
      #769960 - 12/05/11 02:46 PM

I do not see spankings as child abuse...what I think is child abuse is not spanking a child and letting them get away with whatever.. Because then that child will become an adult and as an adult they will pay dearly for stealing and lying. It will be a very sad life for her, if she continues to go down this road. And I have spanked mine when they were little, and believe me, it was not child abuse. I have a dear friend that feel spanking is abuse, yet noone wants her around if she has her three kids with her, why....because they are horrible and have no worries because they could careless if you take away a favorite toy or tv.

I was spanked as a child and I even knew before I did something wrong what would happen, and let me tell you usually I didn't because I didn't want a spanking. My parents are super and my brother and I toed the line, we said yes maam, no maam. That is unheard of today in most kids, why...because the power is given to these kids today. not the parents. Very, very sad.


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