M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I totally agree.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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Quote/ This. 1000x T-H-I-S!!! It is so refreshing that others can see this and that I'm not crazy for thinking it./ quote
It's not a matter of seeing your point. I'm afraid you are mistaken in thinking that an agreement made by the parties can take precedence over a CO. How far can you go back with this agreement argument? A year? Like last Christmas you agreed, bought the tickets, then the agreement was rescinded in the spring, then other plans were made....
In this particular circumstance you may get away with keeping the kids overseas (I think you said overseas) against your ex s wishes, but you are gambling that the judge will see it your way. I have plenty of experience too with this and I wouldn't advise you to do something illegal in the broad sense just because you might get away with it.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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The CP shouldn't have waited until the NCP had already purchased plane tickets before changing their mind. It would be a [censored] I'd be willing to take (and have before...and the judge sided with us). As I said...nothing will likely happen to the NCP since he/she can furnish proof of the agreement. The judge may be pissed at the CP for even making this an issue.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Never count on any time except for exactly what the CO specifies. Never tell the kids that you are picking them up except for exactly when the CO states.
Who moved, btw?
Also, it seems that you get all the vacations and fun time while the other parent is responsible for the day-to-day grind of homework, sick kids, doctor's appointments, ballet, sports, and other stuff.
Edited by SRS (12/08/11 06:48 AM)
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"Never count on any time except for exactly what the CO specifies. Never tell the kids that you are picking them up except for exactly when the CO states."
SO you should ASSUME that your ex is a backstabbing LIAR? They had a WRITTEN agreement.
"Also, it seems that you get all the vacations and fun time while the other parent is responsible for the day-to-day grind of homework, sick kids, doctor's appointments, ballet, sports, and other stuff."
How, exactly, does this effect the FACT that the CP broke their word?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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"Also, it seems that you get all the vacations and fun time while the other parent is responsible for the day-to-day grind of homework, sick kids, doctor's appointments, ballet, sports, and other stuff."
How, exactly, does this effect the FACT that the CP broke their word?
----Yeah, I was wondering what in the world that had to do with anything. Jeez.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Also, it seems that you get all the vacations and fun time while the other parent is responsible for the day-to-day grind of homework, sick kids, doctor's appointments, ballet, sports, and other stuff.
______________________________________
And? Your point would be what? Do you know that this person chose to be the NCP? And what does this have to do with the post?
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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mayotteiru
recently joined
Reged: 12/06/11
Posts: 20
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My ex filed for divorce and sought 100% custody of the kids with supervised visitation for me only, after taking them out of the country we were living in for my job without telling me and hid them here in the US living with different relatives without letting me see the boys for 2 months earlier this year.
From the beginning I took a middle of the road approach and sought to be fair and only ever asked for joint custody and 50/50 parent time. I had been intimately involved in my boys' lives daily since each of them were born. going from seeing them every day to not seeing them at all for 2 months, even after I flew half way around the world to see them and be with them, and ended up resigning my job overseas to make them a priority, were needless to say, absoultely devastating events for me and for the boys.
the ex is very bitter and spiteful (even though he/she is the one that filed for divorce and hoped to surprise me with it and get a default judgment with the delay in getting me served while overseas, after I begged and begged to go to marriage counseling). The ex claimed I threatened him/her and our boys with a knife (completely untrue) and got a protective order against me because of it. got the protective order for the sole purpose of using it as leverage against me in the divorce and to villify me on the internet and to all our friends.
i could go on and on and on...
this rescinding of our agreement for the winter holiday is not a surprise to me. in fact the day before the ex announced the decision he/she made, my attorney and I both had strong intuition that some sh!t was about to go down of this nature.
it's sad because it is our children who are suffering because of all of this. i realized long ago that if I really wanted what was best for my kids RIGHT NOW, I would have just given in to the ex, and rolled over completely and not fought a single thing in the divorce. But I believe that longterm, the boys' interests are served by continuing to have me as a big part of their lives to give them some balance to what they experience while living with my ex and my ex in-laws.
I swear though, even under those circumstances of rolling over completely, the ex would have still found a reason to be angry at me and try and stick it to me any way that he/she possibly can.
i would have loved to stay in the same state as my boys and see them every week. we had arrangements for the boys to stay at my house every thursday and friday, and the alternating weekends through monday evening as well for my 40%. i was the one taking them to all their doctor and dentist appointments. i was the one that took them back to school shopping. i was the one that enrolled them in school and daycare and paid for daycare. i was the one that cut their finger and toe nails. i was the one that got them hair cuts. i was the one that lotioned up our son with eczema because the ex was never mindful enough to remember. i was the one that had to throw away underwear that was so soiled it was permanently ruined because the ex and the ex's family can't be bothered to check how good of job the boys were doing wiping their bums. i was the one that noticed the scales on our youngest son's head and that his hair was falling out and that he needed to start using special medicated shampoo. i was the one that bought new clothes and threw away all the old ratty stuff that the ex would send them over to me in to make me feel bad. i was the one that went to the parent teacher conferences and back to school nights and that had signed up for the PTA. i invited the ex and the ex's family to join me in these activities and never once did any of them do that.
i am still the one that is begging my ex to take our oldest son to therapy on a weekly basis because he has developed a pronounced uncontrollable tick with the right side of his face. the ex refuses to do so even after I have offered to schedule the apopintments, pay 100% for it and have relatives of mine there in the state take care of transportation to and from therapy, so the ex doesn't have to lift a finger.
i even recently bought the ex a laptop because his/her old one broke and he/she refused to get the boys on video skype with me even though there were 2 or 3 other working computers in the household.
please don't make me out to be a disney mom/dad. i love and care about my boys as a good parent should, and I take care of and support them very well.
the hostility from my ex and my ex-inlaws was too great for me to continue living there. they were literally calling the police on me multiple times a week to try and have me arrested (I am highly educated, and make good money, and have never had more than a speeding ticket in my entire 30+ years), and I just couldn't tolerate living in such close proximity to people who were so obviously out to get me and would not rest until they had my head on a silver platter.
the more frequent our encounters, the more they trash talked me to my kids, and the more drama that existed.
so i made the difficult decision to move out of state, and now we are transitioning to a school break visitation type of calendar.
maybe this will clear the air a little for those of you that were wondering what kind of parent I am.
Edited by mayotteiru (12/08/11 12:58 PM)
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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I have been given that advice from this very board for years. Only count on your CO'd time. Never make plans on the OPs time.
Yes, my statements and questions do have a lot to do with the information we were provided. It is more interesting when you read his un-condensed version of things, isn't it.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2006
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[quote]That you would make an agreement with your ex, then back out at the last minute says a lot about your character. [/quote]
That you would leap to the conclusion that I would back out at the last minute based on IF MY EX DID THAT says a lot about your character.
And none of it good. Which doesn't surprise me.
BTW, my court order is so vague (parenting time is literally listed as "mutually agreed upon") that I don't recommend that anyone put it in their order. Especially if they don't get along with their ex.
It's been 5 years divorced and it's been working like a charm for my ex and me. Neither one of us has backed out of an agreement. And we make plans at the last minute, as well.
What was that you were saying about my character?
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