LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
|
|
As a "child" whose parents didn't attend a wedding (I have no idea if they "approved" or didn't approve, as far as I know they did? No clue), I can tell you it's a REALLY CRAPPY FEELING! On the list of "shitty things my parents have done to me"? I'd say not going to my wedding with dd's father ranks in the top 2 (not visiting me in the hospital when I was pregnant with dd and waiting to bleed out is #1 on the list).
In my case, the DOG outranked me in terms of preference. Puppy actually. They didn't wanna leave him alone for a night. BAER.
Will never forget it, and frankly won't "forgive" it either. It's unforgiveable. Approve or don't approve, whatever, it's your CHILD and it's an event in their lives that's important to THEM. And it's possible to ATTEND and not APPROVE.
Another example, my uncle (my mother's brother), also raised by the self-absorbed, dysfunctional na-zi parents MY mother was raised by. As WASP as you get. And as PREJUDICED as you get. My younger cousin married a catholic girl (HORRORS!!!!!!!!!). My uncle DID NOT APPROVE and spent months INSISTING he'd NEVER step foot in a (gasp!!) Catholic.Church for his son's wedding.
Guess who went to the wedding? In the church? My uncle. He did the right thing. It's funny to listen to MY mother go on and on about what a dousche he would've been NOT to go and how happy she is he DID go. But sees NOTHING wrong with not going to mine (before anyone "goes there", they didn't go to my first wedding, we weren't speaking.. my 2nd, I asked for nothing, my ex and I paid for everything, including a weekend away for the people who came. Same with wedding to dd's father. I asked for nothing.. In my life my parents have never paid a dollar of education, a home, or a wedding, ZERO. Come to think of it? I'm not sure they even sent a gift? I don't think so.. whatever).
It's a SHYTTY thing to do to your kid. Way shytty. His daughter WILL remember it and she WILL resent him for it.. forever.. is my guess. If she thinks YOU, Sadie, are the driving force behind it? She'll hate you too.
Oh and she's probably marrying this guy? Or they're attracted? Because they have equally shytty parenting experiences, so they're drawn to each other. Oh boy :(
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
|
|
Of course they can do whatever they want. They can attend, not attend, boycott with picket signs, attend in funeral attire...whatever floats their boat.
I don't think attending reinforces anything except the meaning behind the words I love you and even though I don't agree with your choice I will support you on this day. I don't care if I agree or not...I'm not skipping that day for my kids. I gave it a lot of thought after Sadie initially brought this up and I decided it's not important enough to me to not attend. It's not a hill I'd die on. If this is important to a parent not to attend, then I would recommend following their heart.
|
Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
|
|
Well then, they should go despite not approving of it. I just wanted to show that they may be thinking something along the lines of what I posted. I could be way off, and don't know the whole "story". In my case? I specifically did NOT invite my father. My reason? Because he was heavily involved in Eastern Star; wouldn't have had time like as not as he was "grand worthy patron" that year. My mother was there, she and my best friend "gave me away". I did however, invite dad and ssmom to the dinner held in my hometown. To which, my best friend overheard him tell my ssmom some snarky remark about if I hadn't invited him I would have "paid" or something stupid. My dad was an azzhole from the word go. I didn't have a relationship with him growing up b/c of what he did to mum and myself. Now that he's dead, I sometimes wish he had been there to watch me walk down the aisle. However, it's water under the bridge and I can live with my choice.
|
Char9
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2942
|
|
As some of the posters have pointed out, and after reading their responses I have to agree. Go, you will regret it if you don't, as will the inlaws and your H. Don't let your disapproval get in the way of loving this child. He does love his daughter doesn't he? Or is he hell bent on making a point and make her pay for what he thinks is a stupid mistake on her part? Make him go, you don't have to since it's not your D, it's your choice. But if you want to have any type of relationship with her in the future, you'd better get your azz to the church. Like it or not, she'll learn later that she messed up, but for now you and her FATHER need to step up and swallow your stupid egos and GO! JMHO.
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
|
|
General reply: If the couple are adult enough to make the choice to marry despite their parents disapproval, they should be adult enough to deal with their parents not attending. They may not like it, but there are consequences, and right or wrong their parents are entitled to their opinions.
On the same subject though, if the parents are prepared to show their kids that they won't compromise their beliefs and even attend the wedding, I hope they can appreciate the irony when their kids won't compromise on something similarly important to the parents down the road.
You get what you give. Hope mom & dad can take it.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
I understand not approving, I understand not paying (I wouldn't either - I already told my SKs that we will pay for a wedding at 25 with decreasing financing each year before that). But not going? I love my kids. Even when they make terrible mistakes. I wouldn't want to set that tone right as our relationship is changing. Transitioning to parenting a semi adult - you can't and shouldn't tell them what to do any more. You can give advice - which they are free to ignore. Just as you are free to refuse to provide for them while they F up.
I am not at all surprised this young man's family would also act this way. Kids who don't experience unconditional love from their parents/family often seek it out inappropriately in their romantic relationships. Teenage boys/girls typically are looking forward to FREEDOM and partying - these two want a family more - not shocking at all that this is what they come from. And before you blah, blah, about her mother supporting this unconditionally - I would argue her mother has many "conditions" of her love. Starting with rejecting her father and his values.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
|
|
[quote]Kids who don't experience unconditional love from their parents/family often seek it out inappropriately in their romantic relationships. [/quote]
AMEN!!!! Statement? Meet Poster Girl :):) (me, not you EM!)
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
While I can agree with ya'll's stances on not paying for the wedding or for either child's continuing education, I TOTALLY disagree with NOT attending the wedding.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
General Reply:
My husband folks are super super religious. His dad is a Minister and Mom is a deaconess . His parents and all of their minister friends refused to marry him to his ex-wife. He literally got "blackballed" by his family. (He still, at that time, did not consider this a red flag to reconsider the marriage.) It did not sever the relationship with his family, but it totally let him know that everyone disapproved. And then a year later he got the "We told you so, we told you she was not stable" diatribe.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
General Reply to your General Reply -
There are a lot of folks out there, whose 'families' totally disapproved of whom they were marrying...and yet who have been married for many, many years.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
