ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Sadie was definitely was happy to report that other people so close the situation share her sentiment. Many people will share that sentiment. Some will not. You have to decide what is best for you in your own life. Some people will agree, others will not.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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At 17-18 the girl does not have the mental capacity to think this through. She is in the throes of passion and dreams and plans and probably a good helping of assistance from her mother and her family and reality TV shows.
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I actually don't buy that. We can vote at age 18, heck you can enlist yourself into the military at 18. You are an adult at 18.
I agree with LB and the many others- you don't have to support anything your child does financially, but why not at the very least show up? Let Sadie's SD know she is important even when her choices are not align with what her parents want for her.
I remember some sad, sad stories dating back years in regards to this girl. Maybe the girl is getting married because she doesn't feel like she has a male to rely on? Again not the right reason to get married, BUT it would not surprise me given the history here.
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Sadie
addict
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 567
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Thank you Kiwi. Dh has tried to have those talks with her, but they are so focused on the "Day" that nothing else seems to matter. The only job my sd has ever had was cleaning my office, and one half day greeting clients and answering phones, and her fiance worked for a landscaper last summer. Neither one has ever paid rent, balanced a checkbook, or even own a car. They are in for a HUGE awakening come this summer.
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spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 7947
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This is so much a girl thing. Part of the problem is the amount of importance all these girls tie to a wedding when 50% of them will end up having 2 or more in their lifetimes. I would bet anything that this SD wouldn't even invite them to the wedding if they weren't ponying up $$$ anyways, so I bet this whole thing is a moot point. I've seen that happen with coworkers, getting mad that their parents wouldn't give them $$$ so they ended up either eloping or having some destination wedding where the parents couldn't afford to go.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Absolutely agree Cassie! Having an absent/disapproving/etc father figure will likely push her to find a man, ANY man who will "be there". And if she doesn't have a good male role model EMOTIONALLY she may not know what to even look for.
Another aspect is the rejection piece. The gentleman I am dating now and I have talked about this extensively. When the people who are "supposed" to love you? Don't, or make it feel like they don't? You don't know what it is.. and you'll likely accept something less than what's healthy because it's what you know. Something is better than nothing.. That's all you're worth.. I could go on and on.
With the parents NOT going? It's just going to reaffirm what she ALREADY likely feels. I'd say her likelihood of realizing a relationship is unhealthy? Will go down. Or if she does? There'll be another one. It's just how it works.
I know it for myself. I can see it in my own daughter, at 5. There's a male presence lacking and she'll look to plug it with.. whomever. I realize that's what she did with exSO. And it's actually been a good thing that it did NOT work out.. good teaching experience frankly. That no, NOT every boy is the right boy or that ANY boy will do. Absolutely not.
I've also learned from my own childhood experience what not to repeat. Definitely a conscious effort on my part b/c that's not my "natural" tendency. I have to know it's there.. that tendency.. and deliberately not do it. You can make your disapproval known, in a healthy way, but not be a dousche about it. They're being dousches.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"It's possible to not "agree" with a decision and not "support" it per se, but still.. support the PERSON."
I think that's what it boils down to, especially when kids are no longer kids, but young adults who are making their own decisions. They may lack the wisdom and life experience to make good decisions, but good or bad, they will make those decisions. As a parent, that doesn't leave you much, except to support your child. That doesn't mean enabling decisions we consider wrong by throwing money at them... but letting the child know that we will always be there... how much easier will it be for sd to admit that the decision was wrong, that the marriage has failed, when she knows she has an unconditional support system... as opposed to feeling the need to stay in a doomed marriage, just to prove dad wrong.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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Love and "approval" are not always the hallmark of someone who TRULY loves you. Sometimes TRUE love is found in NOT rubber stamping every choice and action.
While I would not pay for a wedding my daughter wanted if I had reasons for disapproving of the wedding, I would attend, unless there was a DRASTIC reason not to (such as an abusive relationship, etc)
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Yes, life is usually a huge awakening. Hope you aren't standing by waiting to hand out a big fat I told you so.
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spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 7947
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[quote]Love and "approval" are not always the hallmark of someone who TRULY loves you. Sometimes TRUE love is found in NOT rubber stamping every choice and action.
While I would not pay for a wedding my daughter wanted if I had reasons for disapproving of the wedding, I would attend, unless there was a DRASTIC reason not to (such as HER MARRYING A DEMOCRAT!!!!) [/quote]
Fixed for Truth :)
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Totall disagree. 99.9% of 17-18 year olds haven't a clue. I have two at home. I cannot imagine them making a life altering decision like marriage at this age.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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