RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
|
|
So I shouldn't be doing a fist pump and a cartwheel when my ex gets our son? :)
|
youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
|
|
That's exactly what I'm doing this weekend. Mommy needs a timeout.
|
Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
|
|
Please!......I "may want to stop"? Why? Because I might offend someone? First of all I have ONLY been talking about babies and toddlers here, NOT kids say, 7 years and up. And I am NOT saying dads shouldn't be with their children and parent as much as moms. I am NOT saying dads don't feel sad and miss their kids. I am NOT saying there aren't dads that do as good as or a BETTER job than many moms.
I am just saying females that give birth are hard wired to feel great distress when a baby or toddler is away from them. If you research and read you will educate yourself about this very real phenomena. The harmone oxytocin promotes nurturing and bonding and women have more neural receptors for oxytocin than men do and pregnancy gives them still more! Breast feeding pumps even more of this "bonding" harmone into the female body. This continues through the early life of the child for the mother. Males do have a drop in testosterone and a rise in progesterone (I think) which helps them feel all warm and fuzzy when the birth gets near. But, the testosterone goes back to fairly normal levels about 6 weeks after the birth of their child. Moms not so lucky if the baby is taken away from her. Her "hard wiring" cannot understand this, though her mind is trying to deal with it.
And fist pump......sometimes! My ex has our kids 50-50 now, and they are twin 16 year old girls.......I have to admit, I have had a good laugh thinking about the drama and bickering they can put him through.....and it always makes me smile when I think of him with a vacuum in his hand!
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
|
|
"Please!......I "may want to stop"? Why? Because I might offend someone?"
Because your careless words may have already hurt someone. Now, you can keep going and potentially risk more hurt, or you can stop. Your call.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
|
|
"And I am NOT saying dads shouldn't be with their children and parent as much as moms."
So how do they parent equally without the child being away from mom for an extended period? That was EXACTLY what you were saying, at least be honest.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
|
|
"So how do they parent equally without the child........" Well, that is a tough one. Maybe parents can't parent TOTALLY equally in the early years. Maybe they have to make sure they live near each other so Dad can have the kids all day during his week, but Mom picks them up at night. Maybe Mom could handle 3 nights a week away, instead of 7. The idea is to set up a schedule that gives Dads as much parenting time as possible, yet does not rip the heart out of the mother, causing much anger and strife between the parents. Please understand I am only talking about moms that honestly feel great emotional and physical distress when having to deal with being away from their toddlers. As the kids get older and the mom's mothering harmones fall, she will be much more receptive and willing (and glad) to let them go for more and longer periods away from her, and the natural progression of biology will allow her to send them off to dad for a week or more at a time.
There was a poster earlier in this thread that said she felt this way, but did not share those feelings with anyone. Those were natural, normal feelings, nature gave moms for good reason, you were not a drama queen and you should not feel they were wrong.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1755
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
I understand COMPLETELY what you are saying Eve. And I agree. DS was taken from me by Ex- when he was only 9 months old. I would walk around my house clutching his baby blanket and crying every night I was without him. Or go to my sister's and cry, and she would cry along with me. Sometimes when I went to the grocery and saw all those Moms WITH their kids, I would get so emotional I would have to leave the store. Sometimes when DS was a toddler I would take a walk by myself and PRETEND he was with me and talk to him.
Somehow I doubt Exhole EVER did any of those things when *I* had DS. Also since I did 110% of DS's care when he was with me, and Exhole moved a lady-friend in ASAP so SHE could do the baby care -- I highly doubt he wasted too many thoughts on DS at all.
I have NEVER talked to a man friend or family member who thinks it's right to take a BABY from a mother in case of divorce. MY OWN SON says he would NEVER do that (having lived through it himself). NOT ONE MAN. They all agree the mother/child bond is too strong.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
|
|
I'm going to have to agree with gr8...the female species is looking incredibly weak in this thread. Thankfully, this is not a depiction of all women.
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
I was thinking the same thing. I think I threw up in my mouth a little. :/
|
Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
|
|
Weak? No, just the opposite...It shows they are healthy females with a strong chemical bonding to their babies.........and throw up all you want. You cannot change what nature and biology has given women since the beginning of time. And you cannot understand it if those "attachment harmones" have never cursed through you, making every cell in your body cry out for your little one. You can pretend to, or pretend it does not exist.......and that is your choice. Research says otherwise. I would suggest you READ a bit about the chemical bonding of mothers to their babies and the biology of it all. The sad part about this, when it happens, is that everybody loses, the mom, the dad and the child.
c jane......I am sorry for the distress the situation put you through. Just know you were a normal female feeling what you were suppose to feel for your baby.
I guess it is not "politically correct" to tell the truth on this board, even if it may help dads understand sometimes waiting a little for totally shared parenting can pave the way for a much smoother life with less strife for everyone.
Edited by Eve (01/13/12 10:07 AM)
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
