heddinsleddin
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/11
Posts: 9
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The godparents of our 12y old son were originally my friends but after 17y together became both of our friends. They are good people but the godmother has decided to instead of remaining neutral jump on board with my wife. Even so far as to be listed as a witness against me on the interrogatories, stating I was an absent parent. (I am and was not but that's immmaterial) She has joined my wife and her family in making it "uncool" to like Dad and as a result I am having serious trust issues and relationship problems with my son. My soon to be ex said she was in agreeance to 50/50 ncustody but now states only if I state that she will not have to pay child support as she makes more than I. I cannot do this legally and I'm not sure if she is aware of that or just trying to come up with excuses, regardless it appears imminent that a custody battle will ensue. She also promised to have godmother removed from witness list but failed to do that as well. I am very uncomfortable with the godmother, the one who is expected to instill the values of both his mom & dad in my son in the event we were no longer able, siding against me and ultimately brainwashing my son. Is it possible to have a godparent changed?? Or what is suggested. Just recently I was fwd and email from godmother to mother declaring how my son would rather spend time with her than with drama dad. Its very frustrating as I do what my atty says, I never discuss divorce or my feeling toward his mother with him, and it seems her tactics are working much better!! I just want a fair chance with my son dammit!!!
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buckwheat
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 86
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Forget about the god parent stuff.
Focus on being the best dad you can for your son, its unusual to me to see a young male side with his mom, unless you arent close to him, the best thing for you to do is focus on him 100%.
I would get her agreement in writing about the 50/50, you can always go back later for child support.
Good Luck and hang in there
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Whether its legal or not to agree to no CS in 50/50 parenting probably depends on the state. In my state it's definitely possible as my x and I have that agreement. When we first divorced he did pay CS and making double than I did he paid 2% for 2 kids. The most I ever received was $90.00 a month. To be honest it is the only fair scenerio for their not to be CS if's a true 50/50 schedule. If both parents are supporting their child in each home why should one parent have to support the child 100% in their home and another percentage in the other home? That ends up equating to a larger percentage than an NCP pays.
As for your Godparent question, I would believe that depends on the church you're affiliated with and would need to talk to a Pastor or Priest at your church. I would imagine that it would take both parents to agree however and it sounds doubtful that your stbx will. There are always friends lost in a divorce. It's human nature to take sides. Would you be willing to remove the friend if she was taking your side over your STBX's?
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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Perhaps I'm missing something about Godparents, but I always thought the purpose of godparents wasn't to actually raise the kids, but to provide them with the same religious guidance they would've recvd from their parents, hence the title "God" parents. Just because this couple agree to do that doesnt mean it's legally binding. If both parents are dead, family services has much more say than mommy and daddy's friends. The kids would be placed either with the nearest willing relative, or into foster care until the godparents were approved to adopt.
The godparent issue, and your being angry with one of them being a witness against you, is a waste of energy. Instead of worrying about what that woman is saying or doing, worry about the custody fight you say is coming, and how you're going to fight for your kids.
Focus on the real issue here.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Agreed. It's not legally binding, which is why I suggested he go to his priest or pastor for information.
Sometimes people consider God Parents to be the people who would raise their kids. If this is something the couple has in their will, the will would have to be updated all around after divorce. Mom could still choose these people to raise the children but that would only happen in the event that dad had also passed.
Although it DOES happen the likelyhood of both parents dying at the same time is pretty low. Change that to DIVORCED parents and the number becomes almost non-existent. I doubt the OP has anything to worry about with another couple raising the kids.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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From a post Catholic person's viewpoint, the God Parents are supposed to ENSURE that the children are raised in a Catholic environment. This has NOTHING to do with custody or anything else, as they are supposed to do this even IF the parents are ALIVE.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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heddinsleddin
recently joined
Reged: 07/31/11
Posts: 9
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Thanks all. And everyone is right that it is a waste of energy. This has all been so maddening. She originally agreed to 50/50 then found she might have to pay child support and backed out. As a result I have no more money to fight for custody and will be forced to live with her having primary custody. Trial is wed for property and I'm gonna lose there to no doubt. This has been the most horrible exp of my life...just want it over!!
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
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She has to have a REASON for backing out of an agreement. Make her explain to the judge why she thought it was okay then changed her mind. If you can't afford a lawyer, go pro se. Do NOT give up, these are your CHILDREN.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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