voltage
recently joined
Reged: 07/29/11
Posts: 10
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I would just like to say I'm sorry for my posts. I realize this is a forum for life AFTER divorce. I do hope you all the best.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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Not everyone who is divorced chose to be. See, it only takes one person to make that decision and no matter how badly the other person may not want it, it's going to happen.
I did not initiate my divorce (almost 11 years ago) so I had little choice but to get over it and move on. I could have chosen NOT to move on and had a pity party that by this time would have lasted longer than my marriage, but that's not me. I put on my big girl panties, pulled up the boot straps and kept right on going.
I am happier today that I was then. Six months ago I moved in with the love of my life who I have known since around the time of my divorce. He has been my best friend for all of these years and I am blessed (as are my children )to have him in our lives.
Everything happens for a reason and the kids are not always better off just because their parents stay together. I know I wasn't.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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onmyown_36
member
Reged: 08/04/10
Posts: 134
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Voltage, I had to look back at some of your posts to see what you meant by this one. I believed as you did at one point of my life. I did marry for life. I have never looked at another man or ever thought of after marriage.So when we started having problems and he wouldn't work with me on them at all (walked out of counseling etc) I kept plodding along, not even contemplating divorce. Not something I ever thought I would think of. Well after at least a year of him totally ignoring me, mentally taking advantage of a great situation on his part, later to find he had a whole other life in another town for 1-2 YEARS, did I FILE> I told my children indirectly, that were watching (varied based on their ages of course) I wouldn't want them to watch what was occurring and them think that it was ok what he was doing. I didn't want my boys to EVER treat their wives that way and I never wanted my daughter to be treated so cruelly. Yes, modeling a good marriage is important, but modeling a poor one is much worse. He is now in a relationship that works for him and they can watch that. I am enjoying being on my own and that is ok too. Marriage SHOULD be a commitment. But as we know there are lots of things in life that aren't the way they SHOULD be. Best of luck.
Edited by onmyown_36 (01/03/12 10:09 AM)
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Patrice
addict
Reged: 07/21/06
Posts: 401
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Voltage, Unfortunately, your jabs at posters here criticizing them for not trying harder were so far off that I really thought you were joking or just plain ignorant.
Many of the people here are/were in a lot of pain over the endings of their marriages and I doubt that any of them ended over the toilet seat being left up. Your grass is greener comment, yes, that was true in my case, but from my ex's point of view, not mine. After 24 years he wanted a "fresh start". I did not ever expect to find myself divorced, but, as Debi said, if the other person is set on ending the marriage, no amount of "trying" will change things.
Perhaps you should attempt to do your counseling on the (mostly) men who left their long term marriages.
Also, I will not be blamed for ruining the world of your child. Again, you really need to seek out the people who sought out the divorces, not those of us who were left behind. Reality may not be pretty, but your rose-colored glasses have caused you to insult a lot of people in pain.
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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
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