Joeviking11
recently joined
Reged: 01/04/12
Posts: 1
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Ok heres the story.
I met my wife 7 months ago through a friend. We instantly hit it off and fell in love shortly there after. She came from a very traumatized past though. Her step-father had sexually assaulted her for many years. She had been in bad relationships as well. None of this mattered to me.
So I owned my own business in Marshall, MO, which is a small town. I was born and raised in big towns and thats where I wanted to be. After a month of dating we agreed to get married and would move to St. Louis when I found a job there. We got married and moved in together and she quit her awful walmart job. After that, she became homesick, even though her family was 20 minutes away, and wanted to be there every day and spend the night with them. Then after a while, she came out and told me she did not wanna live in St. Louis, that she was scared, and didn't wanna be 2 hours from her family. Still, I would not have it in Marshall, especially since I was paying all the bills. Well, I got this new job in St. Louis where I could make enough money for us and our future kids, so we moved.
First, we spent 4 weeks at my uncle's. This claimed to bother her, even though we were left alone, went out to eat every night, went to movies, etc. And, she loved my family. I always told her the plan was to only be there a few months, but she wouldn't have it. So we got this new apartment, new furniture, etc. Plus, it was perfectly located to where her family could come visit. Then it happened.
We were here for 5 days and she took a pregnancy test, which came back positive. We were both happy, but like everything, I was in charge of everything. So the next day when I was looking up places for ultrasounds and stuff, she was looking up stupid aps on her iphone. I found a number to place for her to call. She claimed she "didn't want to". I got mad and went off. In the 5 months we've lived together and she quit her job, she's done nothing and I've done everything. I bought her every toy to keep her occupied, got her a dog, paid for everything, fed her, cleaned the house, did landry, and worked. She wouldn;t call a stupid number? Then after that, she claimed she was fed up and wanted to go to her mom's for a week to "clear her head". When I asked her if she was considering leaving me, she said, "No, I never wanna leave you." So I put her on the train there. Well, when she got there she was saying that she was giving me one more chance and we couldn't have any more "fights". The definition of fights we have have had to do with not having enough sex, her not doing anything, or me being sarcastic and making jokes. In one word, they're all stupid! And she was having the child no matter what. I thought she was talking crazy because I never gave any indication I didn't want a child. We were trying to have one in fact.
Then I went to pick her up. She claimed she was being a "butt" and was sorry, so she came back.
Well, a few days went bye and she woke up every day, went to the couch, did nothing, etc. Then I got mad because I was working, feeding her, taking care of the dog, and she wouldn't do anything. Plus, she was only 7 weeks pregnant. So I told her she was acting like she was 7 months pregnant and she could do more. She got pissed and we had a "fight", for no reason. Then she broke down and said she hated living in St. Louis (even though we were only there 5-6 weeks), hated affection, and didn't even love me anymore and she was leaving me. After a night of hell that included me grabbing her arms to hold her and her locking herself in a bathroom, I agreed she could move in with her mom, I would give her spending money, and visit on weekends and when I found a job closer to there, I would move there.
Then before she left, I was taking complete care of her, with no problems. Then I dropped her off and the next day, her grandma died, so I went back up there. She cuddled with me all night (which she never does). When I left, she gave me a sweet hug and kiss and told me she loved me.
The next day, she claims she didn't mean it, that it slipped out, and even doesn't remember saying it. Then I said that if we're gonna be together, than we need to live together. So I even committed to going to her mom's every weekend if she'd come back home with me. She gets really mad and only thinks about being in St. Louis, which is horrible to her I guess. I only keep saying that I dont wanna argue, I want her here with me so I can take care of her, and would do anything for that chance. Then she claims she's given me plenty of chances and doesn't wanna give me another, but doesnt know what will happen with us. When it was only 2-3 weeks ago when she said she never wanted to leave me? And she ended up leaving after we had an argument about her being lazy??? Wtf. She also claims she cant forgive me for "hurting her", when all I did was grab her arms? She was once choked by an ex-boyfriend, among other things, but still will always love him.
So the bottom line is my wife claims she doesn't love me, doesnt wanna be with me, doesnt wanna give me a chance to take care of her, even after i promised she could leave if i didnt take her home every weekend or we got in to fights. I know a lot of people are thinking she is not right for me, but I love her and I wanna stay married to her, especially now that she has my child. And this is all happening in a few weeks time? We're married for Christ sakes. People don't divorce in 2 weeks after this and after we have dumb fights?
So now I don't know what to do. Part of my is sad, part of me is angry, part of me wants to die. What should I do? Why did this happen as soon as she got pregnant?
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Got married after a month? Craziness.
It's not going to work, it's already at the 90% failure level.
What's left? You are going to be paying a quarter or more of your income to her for child support for a child you might see a few days a month.
Good luck.
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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It could be the preganancy but then again maybe not.
Prior to the marriage/pregnancy you were the bill payer, taking care of her. Your post sounds pretty crazy with this woman but as you said you love her so saving the marriage for this woman you love is what you need to focus on.
Maybe counseling would be something you can do, either together or alone for yourself.
From what you posted she sounds unstable and yes it could be due to hormonal changes from a pregnancy who knows.
You love her and work to save it as best you can but again from what you posted you may have a rough ride ahead of you.
Marrying someone after a month and then immediately having a child is a huge adjustment. You barely had time to get to know each other. People put on their best front when dating and in a new relationship, then once you are married or get further into the other shoe falls.
Sounds like she is really attached to her family, she chooses not to work and you are jumping through hoops and hurdles to make her happy...what about you?
However, there is a child that is coming so you will need to focus on that and figure out how you will make it work. And good luck to you, I think you will need it.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19801
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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What is that saying..."Marry in haste, repent at leisure"?
I'll say up front that you're an idiot; had you NOT been in such a freaking hurry to play 'knight in shining armor', you would have found out that you were making a HUGE mistake before you made it.
Unfortunately, you can't get an annulment or a divorce while she is pregnant. And once she has the baby, the FIRST thing you do is request a DNA test to establish paternity. Yes JoeViking...do NOT assume with her history, which obviously includes mental instability, and ya'll's marital history, that the child is yours.
If DNA reveals that the child is NOT yours...file to have the marriage annulled.
If the DNA reveals that the child IS yours...be prepared to never see that child again, but pay out the ass for it.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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