chrisyouwho
recently joined
Reged: 11/06/07
Posts: 13
Loc: Illinois
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I'd like to hear thoughts from others regarding an idea I'd like to propose to my wife. I have not filed yet due to financial reasons. My wife is an RN and works 3 to 4 days a week (not always the same day) on the PM shift (2:30 - 11:30). We have 3 kids, ages 16, 14 and 11. Because kids bare the brunt of the divorce, I'd like to minimize the impact on them.
There are many things to take into consideration when separating/divorcing. With kids it adds another complicated layer to manage. Additionally, pets have to be considered as well as they are part of the family. I think that the pets should stay with the kids, as the pets are part of the family and splitting them from the kids will add to the shock for the kids.
So here's what I'd like to propose: The kids would live full-time with their mother. I would get custody every other Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I would move in with my parents in the short-term until the divorce is final and finances are straight. Now here's the unconventional part - instead of having the kids (and pets) move back and forth, I'd like to propose that my wife and I move in-and-out of the home that the kids are living. So when it's my time to have the kids, I'd move back into the home of my wife and she would stay at her parents (they live close and have the room)while I'm with the kids. On days when she's working, I can come and stay with the kids for the day (say from 3 - 9 or 10) to help with homework and whatever else is needed (I have the ability to work from home which would make it easy).
I realize that while this may work in the short term, long-term our lives may very well change we would have to adapt accordingly.
Thoughts?
Anything I may have overlooked?
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Pops_IL_CP_Dad
addict
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 406
Loc: Illinois
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Heh. I don't see this as any sort of viable option unless you and the STBX are not anywhere close to the normal or average divorcing couple. No matter how much you both may feel that you will "work together" and "do anything" for your children, you won't. (or you wouldn't get divorced...) And since there is that little flaw in that reasoning, here's a few thoughts--
Who is going to clean the house? And if someone doesn't do their share, how will you handle that? Who owns the house, furniture, appliances? If something gets broken, who pays? If something breaks down, who pays? Who mows? Who shovels the snow? Who pays the bills? And what do you do when your favorite __________ (fill in the blank) goes missing and you "know" the ex took it / destroyed it / sold it / etc. Are you going to sleep in the same bed as she did when you aren't sure who else was in that bed? Do you leave your clothes there? Do you trust her not to scrub the toilet with your toothbrush?
This is just my first impression of your idea. Give me a lttle time and I'm sure I could come up with a lot more...
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Focus on what is legally relevant, not morally indignant or petty.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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It's called bird's nest shared custody and reportedly works well in some cases. If your wife and kids are ok with it, go for it.
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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Don't move out of the house until your proposed plan is finalized and stamped by the judge.
Once you leave, you have just given custody to your ex and will any leverage that you have.
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