sedwards
journeyman
Reged: 06/15/05
Posts: 91
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I just need to vent. It has been a long time since I posted to this forum, I think my oldest may have been 13. Some background: I am a mother to DD17, DD6, and step mom to SD14, SD16, SD17. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. His arrangement with the SD’s is officially EOW. DD17 and DD6 are with us full time. His time with the kids has increased over the past few years and at this point they are with us every weekend. SD16 and SD17 get off the bus at our house most evenings and DH takes them to practice, events, etc. and drives them back to BM by 9pm. SD14 goes to school close to her moms house so she is not at our house at all during the week.
There are so many issues going on right now, as can be expected with 4 teenagers. BM has always liked to take kids to the doctor and takes them quite often. SD14 is not doing well in school, frequently absent, and BM is blaming it on an anxiety issue. We do see some indications of the anxiety issue when SD14 is at our house, but not to the extent that BM says she is seeing it. BM insisted that she be put on ADHD medication. Doc put her on the medication, but BM is still not sending SD to school regularly (she has not made it through a full week of school yet this year). DH requested that all doctor appointments be made after school hours and he went so far as to schedule her counseling appointments for her to prevent BM from not sending her to school.
SD17 has a 4.0 GPA, and has not missed much school. But DH found out that she is now on ADHD medication. He called the doctor and asked why he put her on the medication. Doc said it was because “mom wants her to do better on standardized testing”. DH told doctor that he DID NOT want her taking it and there was no reason to give it to her. The Doc told DH that he was going to give the script to SD17 and he would have to work it out with BM.
BM calls me the other day and through conversation, mentions that she herself is also on the ADHD medication. Then when I was dropping off the other night, the first thing she yells out the door was, “where SD17’s prescription, make sure its in the bag”. I can’t help but think that there is some kind of drug abuse going on here. The medication that they all are taking is called Vyvanse. It is supposed to be less addictive than Addreall, but it is still like a speed.
The medical insurance is in my name and we have a high deductible plan that just renewed. This means that DH just paid $120 per script for the Vyvanse that BM just so happens to take as well. DH does not agree that SD17 should be taking this. What can he do if the doctors are just going to write the script anyway?
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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He can discuss it with his daughter. She's old enough. It's just like anything you can't control at the other home - you teach your kids from a very young age that they are to bathe daily, brush their teeth twice a day, do their homework, do their chores, etc, regardless of whether somebody else tells you to do it or not. If he doesn't want her to take the drug, #1, he should not fill the prescription or pay for it and #2, he should discuss it with his daughter.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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sedwards
journeyman
Reged: 06/15/05
Posts: 91
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DH has discussed this issue with his SD17, but she has been told by BM that she needs this medication to do good on her SAT tests. I think that any 17yo that is given an opportunity to take something that may help them do better on the SAT is going to go for it and not look back, especially because her mom is supporting it. Is it ok for every high school student to take this so they can do better on their SAT tests? How can a doctor prescribe this medication only because BM wants her to do better on standardized tests? Isn’t there testing, etc. that should be done to determine if it’s needed? Why would the doctor disregard dads request about not giving her the prescription?
These kids are in and out of the doctor and on different medication constantly. As I am writing this, BM just gave me a new diagnosis for SD14, she now has MRSA on her back. This may be the 4th time she claims SD14 had MRSA. Doesn’t MRSA testing require labs? Don’t even get me started on all the testing that she has put SD16 through. DH tries to go to the doctor appointments when he knows about them, but it is difficult because he has to work (to pay for all the bogus appointments). BM does not work and always schedules appointments without notifying him. To put this in perspective, between the three SD’s there are on average 3 doctor appointments per week – and these are healthy kids! I guess the bigger issue and frustration here is just a general abuse of the medical profession and insurance. Thanks for listening to me vent!
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Pops_IL_CP_Dad
addict
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 406
Loc: Illinois
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If Dad does not have sole legal decision making rights regarding medical care and he decides not to give his child medication which was prescribed for her, he puts whatever legal rights for decision making and whatever parenting time he was granted into jeopardy.
Dad's choices are limited upon who has the legal right to make medical decisions for the child. If it is joint legal and there is a disagreement, then the next step is mediation -- and in the meantime, the child continues to take the mediation prescribed. If only one parent has the legal right to make a medical decision, then that parent's decision stands.
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Focus on what is legally relevant, not morally indignant or petty.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Pops, with the daughter being 17, I wouldn't be worried about that. ETA - plus the girl is 17, I highly doubt he is 'giving' it to her anyway.
OP - If dad doesn't agree with the reason behind the prescription after the discussion with the doctor then he shouldn't pay for it.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
Edited by Avaya (01/10/12 02:31 PM)
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onerose
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/30/05
Posts: 3151
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Doc said it was because “mom wants her to do better on standardized testing”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That is terrible and borderline cheating. I am amazed a DR actually admitted to that!!
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sedwards
journeyman
Reged: 06/15/05
Posts: 91
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Dad has joint custody and assumes that medical decisions are joint decisions (not explicitly stated in court order). Mom has had them with the same family doctor since they were babies. I am guessing that he would need to go back to court and ask for sole legal rights to medical decisions. This would only be based on the fact that he does not agree with prescribed medication and how often they are taken to the doctor and missing school. I would guess he would need to get all medical records and have another doctor review and determine if the visits / medications are unnecessary? I dread the thought of going back to court again. We went through 4 years of court battles, and it things have been calm over the past 5 years, but with the youngest SD being 14, and missing a lot of school due to doctor visits, it may be worth it. I don’t see any positive outcome for DH though, because the standing court order only shows him having visitation every other weekend.
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sedwards
journeyman
Reged: 06/15/05
Posts: 91
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Agreed! DH was on the phone with doctor with BM and SD17 in the office and that was his exact quote. We have had doubts about this doctor for some time now, she calls in antibiotics without a visit regularly for self diagnosed strep throat or sinus infections, gets a MRSA diagnosis by sight, it is just strange.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Personally, I would request that the doctor put it in writing that the ONLY reason he is medicating the child is at the request of Mom (he will refuse, of course), and this will probably cause the doctor to cease prescribing the meds.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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onerose
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/30/05
Posts: 3151
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That is actually a great idea!
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