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Sherron
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Cassie23]
      #773686 - 01/10/12 04:23 PM

"We never used the GPS to set parameters, but with MY and H's financial wellbeing on the line I really felt like I couldn't take any chances."

Yeah, you only got a text every time the engine turned on/off. It sounds like the main cause you/dh stepped up parenting sd was for your and dh's financial well being?


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javajunkiee
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: LeAnne]
      #773689 - 01/10/12 04:26 PM

Thanks Leanne. I wish I had the answer too. I'm handicapped by my own lack of experience here since I have no bio's of my own. My attitude has always been the same as yours - you want it you earn it. The 'earn it' didn't necessarily mean earning the $ to pay for it, but it did mean you provided some value over and above what is expected. So, you get As and Bs, stay LEGAL, be responsible with your belongings, and do a chore or five - that's expected and you do NOT get paid for that. It's what you do over and above that that I will help you with, whether its straight up cash or my taking care of an expense you have.

Dad was more the other way. His dad bought him a car and helped him with school and generally gave him what he asked for. Not all the time, but DH didn't want for anything, let alone *need* anything. That's the approach he took from the beginning with the boys, and unfortunately it didn't take very long for dad to realize he had to dial it back. Once the oldest hit 12-13 DH got a clue and worked to set things straight.

For the most part things have been relatively quiet the last couple of years. Then again though, they've probably only been quiet because we don't know everything that's happened, and at 4 mos shy of his 18th bday, there's only so much impact you can have. The kid KNOWS right from wrong, KNOWS the rules, KNOWS the consequences.

The thing is, that hormone-induced teenaged haze in his head is over-ruling his commonsense at this point. Hopeully DH can snap his butt back into reality, pronto.

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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.


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Cassie23
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Sherron]
      #773690 - 01/10/12 04:26 PM

I think H was doing pretty good before that. I was really worried that knowing all SD did beforehand, all at her mother's home, that she would try the same here. I didn't know for sure that she would, but we had caught her in a few lies... So with regards to the use of the car, we did that to protect ourselves.

Aside from that we had a plan that first year with rules. That also included NO Cs in CC if we were going to pay for it and she would continue to work for FUN $$. Well, she had to quit because she couldn't keep them above Cs. I think we figured out what worked best for her and us once we were able to see how she handled certain situations being here FT.


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Sherron
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Cassie23]
      #773691 - 01/10/12 04:27 PM

"I just don't think I will see similar patterns of bad behavior with my two as we did with SD because I FOLLOW THROUGH."

Foolproof parenting, you should write a book... :)


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Cassie23
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: javajunkiee]
      #773692 - 01/10/12 04:28 PM

The kid KNOWS right from wrong, KNOWS the rules, KNOWS the consequences.
-----------------------------------------

Good and your H gave the punishment and as long as he does the follow through, I think he has done well :)


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javajunkiee
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: LeAnne]
      #773694 - 01/10/12 04:29 PM

[quote]He hasn't learned from the brother...cause it hasn't happened to him.

So let me guess? You have this secret countdown calender to EMPTY NESTING and are crossing off the days? Teehee [/quote]


shhhhhhh!!! ;o) I just want to make it thru with the kids in one piece and I'll be content.

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Cassie23
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Sherron]
      #773695 - 01/10/12 04:30 PM

"I just don't think I will see similar patterns of bad behavior with my two as we did with SD because I FOLLOW THROUGH."

Foolproof parenting, you should write a book... :)

--------------------

I really think that's what was lacking with BM and H in the past, for SD. She is definitely someone who takes well to structure and stability. So far she is doing pretty darn good.


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Sherron
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Cassie23]
      #773700 - 01/10/12 04:34 PM

"I really think that's what was lacking with BM and H in the past, for SD. She is definitely someone who takes well to structure and stability. So far she is doing pretty darn good. "

And that's awesome, structure and stability are definitely cornerstones to good parenting. I've just found that you can give all that, and dang it if some of those rugrats don't start thinking for themselves and make their own decisions.


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Cassie23
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Sherron]
      #773715 - 01/10/12 04:57 PM

Absolutely and I know that you can be a GREAT parent and have two kids turn out completely different- one good and the other not so good.

My thought, however, is when you see a parent NOT following through on discipline and punishment you are more apt to get the kid that makes bad choices more than not. The only reason why I commented as such on JJ's postings is because her H usually gave in to his kids when punishment was due for poor choices. Seems like he really is taking notice. I always think of the first one as the "guinea pig" too. I mean SD was our guinea pig, we definitely didn't always do the best we could (especially in hindsight), but hopefully that helps in regards for the other two.


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javajunkiee
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Re: I had to marry a man with kids.... [Re: Cassie23]
      #773720 - 01/10/12 05:24 PM

SS15 is already on notice, lol. He's already said "but HE got to do ____" or "but HE didn't have to ____" to which dad has responded "...and I've learned from my mistakes."

Poor kid...

The first born gets the beta release of Parenting Skills, complete with bugs and limited functionality. The next kids get the upgraded versions with built in trackers and alert reporting, lmao.

--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.


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