M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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And it's not all about YOU (the parent), it's about the child! Jeez.
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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Well,........I never said I would leave with the kids rather than give their dad access to them. I would have had no problem with scheduled parenting time and short overnights with their dad, and along with that, any unscheduled time he wanted to take or see them would be fine. I was just addressing what I have seen and heard from moms of babies and toddlers (NOT older children) when the children go to the dad's house for 5 or more days at a time, with mom not seeing them until they come back to her for her 5 - 7 day stretch.
Like I said, if you can hand off your 9 month old for a week, and feel fine, great,....more power to you! But, I think something is wrong with YOU if you can truly do that and not feel like your heart has been torn out. And, maybe, just maybe, much anamosity between the parents could be alleviated if those moms with strong maternal instinct were not forced to be away from their little ones for long stretches.
Evidently, many of you paint everyone with the same brush,and they are "drama queens" or need "psychiatric assistance" if they raise an issue you don't want to deal with or discuss. When, in truth, it is the way many moms feel because they are suppose to feel that way.
Again, you cannot relate because you probably never felt that depth of feeling. But, hey, be glad you didn't have to deal with those feelings....it is gut wrenching.
Edited by Eve (01/12/12 10:38 AM)
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Sure, I feel like my heart is torn out everytime my kids are gone for a couple of days with their Dad.
However, I use that time to be selfish and do what I want to do. Eat out, work out, stay up late, watch adult movies, take baths without anyone sitting on the bath mat to keep me company.
Their Dad is a tool of the highest order, but they do deserve to have 2 parents.
I don't disucss those feelings with anyone - except I used to post about them here. It does make you seem like a drama queen...it really does.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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" I would have had no problem with scheduled parenting time and short overnights with their dad"
As long as only DAD had to got long periods without the child, right?
" But, I think something is wrong with YOU if you can truly do that and not feel like your heart has been torn out. And, maybe, just maybe, much anamosity between the parents could be alleviated if those moms with strong maternal instinct were not forced to be away from their little ones for long stretches."
But aren't you asked DAD to do that very thing? And aren't you rewarding control freak moms with custody?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Yea and I am guessing you won't understand that a father can feel the same gut wrenching, empty feeling. You probably cannot relate to that since you have never been a father. Just be glad you don't have to deal with those sort of feelings.
A post divorce lifestyle looks to the best interests of the child, not the mother. You're really concerning yourself with what is best for a mother, not a child or even a father. It's probably because you are protective of your babies...just like my husband.
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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Just re-read my posts, and you MAY understand what I am saying. In my own unofficial survey of male friends and family, NONE said they have or had gut wrenching feelings when their toddlers or babies are spending four or five nights with the mom. I never met a male teacher that talked about missing his baby so much during the day, he was sick to his stomach. Many female teachers with new babies expressed that feeling.
Just saying I believe men and women are programed differently for early separation of babies and toddlers from them. If you choose to deny that, fine, deny it. But, it does not make it not true.
Is it best for the child? As for that, I don't know. And I am talking about the early years. And I am talking about 50-50 custody. Women have breasts for a reason. So they could feed their babies and keep them close to them. Maybe someday you will figure it out.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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You have no clue what you're saying to people... you may want to stop.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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No need to re-read. I got it clear. You can deny that men feel anything remotely close to a woman simply because you've never met one personally. It doesn't make it not true.
In my personal life I am married to a man who is the opposite of your unofficial survey. You really have no idea the deep depression my husband went into after his wife asked for a divorce. No, I think you just don't get it. I really wanted you to understand that just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there. But it's OK if you don't see it. Have a nice evening.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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You know, from YOUR findings one could just as easily come to the conclusion that women are WEAK, and should not be left alone with the child for long periods of time.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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DedicatedDad
veteran
Reged: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
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I used to drop my kids off, smile and wave, then cry my eyes out all the way home.
Yes, it is a gut wrenching for a parent.
But, time with both parents is in the best interest of the child.
The thought of holding time somehow or that I'm a better parent or more valuable to my kids....would be the perfect definition of the word selfish....one of a parent that puts their own feelings and well being above their children.
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