Elphaba
recently joined
Reged: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
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I am in New Jersey.
I do not claim direct physical abuse.
I have been so severely abused over the past 20 years that I can barely function.
I can’t work at all. I need a place to live and time to heal before I can hope to support myself.
My lawyer refuses to represent my case with emotional abuse as a significant factor.
He dismisses what I say, ignores me, feigns deafness or, when I can get him to hear me, has a poor memory – the next time we talk, he acts as though he didn’t hear or understand, and around the fruit loop we go. Sometimes he openly laughs as though I’m overly sensitive.
He miss-represented me and lied to me in my Early Settlement Panel meeting, so that we were all at cross-purposes and the whole thing was wasted. Then he made excuses afterward that he didn’t understand.
Both lawyers have dragged out the discovery time way beyond the legal limit. I need certain info from my husband’s roggs, but I can’t very well push for it because they haven’t received my answers. I’ve asked my lawyer several times, but he drags it on and on.
I can’t afford another atty. I have no cash at all, but I’m not eligible for any kind off legal assistance because I’m living with a spouse who has an income.
I have a friend who is a corporate attorney, and belongs to a network. My current atty took this case, at a reduced rate, as a professional courtesy to my friend.
My lawyer also wasted our first mediation meeting, but the details are more complicated.
All he does is make a mess of things and confuse everyone.
We have another meeting coming up. Can I say that I don’t want my lawyer there at all?
And the main question remains, does the court ever take emotional abuse seriously?
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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NJ has "extreme cruelty: aas grounds for divorce:
Extreme cruelty includes any physical or mental cruelty which makes it improper or unreasonable to expect that individual to cohabitate with their spouse. N.J.S.A. 2A:34-2(c).
You will even find caselaw on mental cruelty. It is relatively rare, however, because you can get a divorce on no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences.
Is the issue division of property and/or custody? Why go this route?
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Elphaba
recently joined
Reged: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
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I have been so severely abused over the past 20 years that I can barely function.
I can’t work at all. I need a place to live and time to heal before I can hope to support myself.
A simple 50/50 split would put me on the street.
For an extra $12,000 or so, I could pay off the mortgage completely and keep the house.
I can't refinance because I have no income.
I need time, after the bastard moves out, to put myself back together before I can look for a job.
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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My sympathies. $12k however goes awfully fast in legal fees. Your lawyer may have concluded that it is not worth the fight. I hope you find the strength to survive this and get better.
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Elphaba
recently joined
Reged: 01/25/12
Posts: 5
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It's worth the fight because losing the house would mean that I will be homeless.
What we have, even with the current mortgage, as already the cheapest house in the county. I can't afford anything else. There is nothing else.
He has the money, and he caused my disability.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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You can try to get disability for sever emotional health issues regardless of how it came to be you have the issues however you will need a couple of hospitalizations in a mental hospital (preferably state funded - awful but will be more helpful then a private one) an it is better to have been sent by a doctor and even better if you get yourself committed for the period of 14 days - a civil hearing will get you committed - but this is an extreme route but warranted if you are so severely abused you "need time" to be able to take care of yourself (are you taking care of your basic daily hygiene needs, eating, shopping, cooking, etc)and it will have to last at least 12 months and that is AFTER the waiting period which is around 6-8 months after determination of disability and you will NOT get disability without at least one hospital stay (lengthy) and I am NOT advocating this but your best bet is with a civil commitment. People who receive disability based on mental health issues generally do not care about what happens to them and what they will lose or gain or what have you so a commitment is nothing to them. Do you perhaps have PTSD from something? I only say this because you are talking about a disability. The best advice is to be proactive in getting yourself to the point you can take care of yourself and by seeking help for yourself especially while in the environment where you are being continually emotionally abused will help and counter act the effect.
If you are is such a state you should at the very least seek counseling for yourself and maybe all you need is to be heard and validated and to get some skills to protect your sanity you may be stronger then you think and if you continue with help you will become stronger - you are here so you are seeking help - that shows some strength.
One day at a time you can do a little more for yourself but it would be extremely helpful to have a therapist help you build your strength up and there will be days of two steps forward one step back and it will take time. You can turn this around.
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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Who initiated the divorce? Do you have to use that reason for a divorce? Isn't there some other reason you could use?
What are the rules in NJ for a divorce in a LTM? Wouldn't you be entitled to half of the assets, part of spouse's pension, social security, etc?
I know that some women have gotten spousal support in order to obtain job skills.
I understand about the emotional abuse. What were you like before that? I am not minimizing your anguish and the trauma of emotional abuse but you may want to consider counseling to help you get through this.
Not being able to function as you post and "not be able to work" at all, are not good places to be. Can you visualize a better place after the divorce?
If you can't afford counseling what about a minister or someone like that?
Good luck to you.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
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[quote]It's worth the fight because losing the house would mean that I will be homeless.
What we have, even with the current mortgage, as already the cheapest house in the county. I can't afford anything else. There is nothing else.
He has the money, and he caused my disability. [/quote]
What professional has determined that there is a disability, that you are unable to work now (but will be after some R & R) and that your stbx caused it ?
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usedandabused
recently joined
Reged: 09/02/12
Posts: 2
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[color:red] [/color] I am so angry reading about how you have been treated. The laws do need to be changed since it seems after suffering all this emotional abuse plus you were then victimized by the system. I hope you found some help... I see your post is dated. I have the same type of situation going on currently. I wonder what's happening now for you?
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Typical females both of you, the "system" should pay your and EVERYONE'S WAY. You both should have moved to the USSR way back when, now its too late. Its always someone else's money taking care of you two, eh ?
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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