LRnascarfan
recently joined
Reged: 01/31/12
Posts: 5
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Hi!! I'm new here, just found the site tonight. Long story short... I've been married 21 years and have 4 kids (20, 19, 17 & 13). I have never really been happy but have stuck around while the kids were young. Well, they are all old enough to understand now and I actually have 2 of them on my side. I've got enough money to put up a retainer now and am getting ready to call the laywer soon. I think everything will go pretty smoothe except I think he will try and fight me for the house. I think we have to live apart for 30 days but don't know how thats going to happen because I'm not leaving the house and the kids. How do I get him to leave so that everything can get going? Any ideas would help.
Thanks
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I have never really been happy but have stuck around while the kids were young.
---> Hmmmmmm...you've never 'really been happy', but yet...you'll have four children.
Well, they are all old enough to understand now and I actually have 2 of them on my side.
---> Side...what 'side'? This isn't a 'game'...children should NOT have to pick which parent they 'love' more, because YOU have decided that you're not 'happy'. LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!!!
I think everything will go pretty smoothe except I think he will try and fight me for the house.
---> So? Will you be able to pay him his share of the equity and refinance?
I think we have to live apart for 30 days but don't know how thats going to happen because I'm not leaving the house and the kids. How do I get him to leave so that everything can get going?
---> I can't think of any state that requires the parties to live separately before filing for divorce...with perhaps the exception which has some pretty screwed up laws.
---> One thing you should be aware of...if both parties want the marital home and neither is willing to budge, the Judge can order the home sold. The Judge could also order the home sold, even if your husband agreed to give it to you (for his share of the equity of course) if you are unable to afford it and/or refinance the mortgage.
---> PS - Don't EVEN think of filing a false domestic violence claim to gain possession. Judges are wise to that trick and it can land in you a LOT of hot water, so it's NOT worth the risk of lying. The ONLY thing you can do at this point, is in your petition, to ask for temporary exclusive use of the marital home at this time. But be prepared to assume ALL financial responsibility of said home.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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LRnascarfan
recently joined
Reged: 01/31/12
Posts: 5
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Well, I would never lie and file a false claim against anyone. I'm not a slime I just not happy and want my marriage over.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I'm not a slime.....
---> That's kind of debatable considering your statement of how you have 2 of your children on your 'side'. I will say it again...putting children in the middle of your MARRIAGE is wrong!!! The are NOT a party to the marriage!!!
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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[quote]Hi!! I'm new here, just found the site tonight. Long story short... I've been married 21 years and have 4 kids (20, 19, 17 & 13). I have never really been happy but have stuck around while the kids were young. Well, they are all old enough to understand now and I actually have 2 of them on my side. I've got enough money to put up a retainer now and am getting ready to call the laywer soon. I think everything will go pretty smoothe except I think he will try and fight me for the house. I think we have to live apart for 30 days but don't know how thats going to happen because I'm not leaving the house and the kids. How do I get him to leave so that everything can get going? Any ideas would help.
Thanks [/quote]
I understand what you mean by having the older children on your side. After a long marriage, the decision to divorce becomes a a family decision and I've see adult children actually negotiate the divorce agreement. The reason is plain. The parents want to be fair and especially want the children to know they were fair.
As for him not leaving the house, your best bet is a temporary order giving you exclusive use of the house until a final resolution. In essence, one of you buys out the other (if the buyer can refi) or the house is sold and the proceeds divided.
Good luck
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I understand what you mean by having the older children on your side.
---> The poster NEVER stated which of their four children she had on her 'side'.
After a long marriage, the decision to divorce becomes a a family decision and I've see adult children actually negotiate the divorce agreement.
---> Sorry, but divorce should NEVER be a 'family' decision. Whether the child is an adult or a minor...having them take 'sides' in the marriage of their parents is a BAD idea.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Agree 100%
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LRnascarfan
recently joined
Reged: 01/31/12
Posts: 5
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Renny, thanks for your reply. I joined this site for support and answers from someone who may have already experienced this. I did not join for someone to rip apart my post and turn my words into their words and totally twist the meaning. Like I said, I am not using my kids as a tool, I just meant that they understand and will not be overly upset because they won't have to listen to the arguing anymore. Gecko, you are a jerk, I hope you don't do this to everyone new who posts on here, but you probably do. Oh, and thanks so much for helping me feel 'so welcomed' to this site.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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I did not join for someone to rip apart my post and turn my words into their words and totally twist the meaning.
---> I didn't rip apart your post or turn your words or twist your meaning...I can ONLY respond to what you wrote...period.
Gecko, you are a jerk, I hope you don't do this to everyone new who posts on here, but you probably do. Oh, and thanks so much for helping me feel 'so welcomed' to this site.
---> LOL...so when the Judge reams you a new one, will you be telling him/her that s/he is a 'jerk' too? I've been at this a long time...not only do I have personal experience, I have several years of professional experience in Family Law. If all you are looking for is affirmation...along with your 'welcome'...they are many social networking sites you can join. But if you want to know the REALITY of what you will face in court...then I will tell you what that REALITY is. Your choice.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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quote from your original post:
"I have never really been happy but have stuck around while the kids were young.
---> Hmmmmmm...you've never 'really been happy', but yet...you'll have four children. / quote
You must admit that the tone of your original answer was condescending, if not a little insulting. Was this necessary? Who did you imagine you were talking to?
quote"---> PS - Don't EVEN think of filing a false domestic violence claim to gain possession. Judges are wise to that trick and it can land in you a LOT of hot water, so it's NOT worth the risk of lying. The ONLY thing you can do at this point, is in your petition, to ask for temporary exclusive use of the marital home at this time. But be prepared to assume ALL financial responsibility of said home." quote
The problem is that after 20,000 posts it becomes morality robo-posting. It's much more "satisfying" to express moral judgments than actually listening and trying to be helpful. I'm not saying you do this routinely. Just something to watch out for.
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