SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Okay, my kid's Dad hasn't been involved in their lives. He may see them every other month, but has gone as long as 9 months without seeing them.
He used to live a couple of miles away, but this past summer he moved 90 miles away. Now, he lives approximately 65 miles away. He doesn't notify me when he moves - didn't give me addresses until I asked him.
I am thinking of moving to a large city that is a 5 hour drive from where we currently live, so that we have a better support system.
Any thoughts or recommendations?
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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I would do what YOU think is the RIGHT thing to do, not what has been done TO you. :)
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Go for it SRS!!! Moving doesnt magically fix everything (and I'm not remotely thinking u think that) but having done it? It was THE best thing for me and more importantly my daughter.
Our quality of life, and I mean just stress reduction and happiness, is immeasurably better.
In my case, we maintain basically every other weekend visits. DD is incredibly well adjusted and happy with that. For us, the trips are fun and non-stressful for the most part.
The "reason" why I moved didn't work out but, in my heart I did the right thing and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I truly believe (and I don't dislike u btw), that you and your kids would be happier and healthier emotionally if u did it. You have my full support!!!
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Why not?
If he doesn't like it, he can try to contest it and a judge can decide. If you think it's best for the family, I would do it.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Is it a move away, if the OP moves first?
Has hasn't seen them since Christmas, btw. He took them for 3 days less than the actual CO'd time. Last night was the first time he has called them since Christmas. I think that kind of stuff would help in a court case, wouldn't it?
Edited by SRS (01/25/12 11:08 AM)
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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You've been here long enough, you know the drill.
1) What does the order state on moving (or is it silent)
2)Doesn't matter what he does, but you as custodial, it is....
so with that said... if you are required to give him notice, you HAVE to give him notice. If you don't have to give him notice, you can move- but I would suggest having something in place to offer him in regards to visitation and most likely you are going to be responsible for half to all of the cost involved (since we know he won't be supportive). When ex moved, I was responsible for transportation for the offical holidays such as xmas, thanksgiving, easter and summer vacations. He was responsible for his weekend visits and/or long weekend visits such as Labor day, MLK, etc.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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we know it doesn't matter what he does, he is the NCD... as the CP you are held to "higher" standards.. reason you are the CP. Stop focussing on what he has or has not done.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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What State is it in? Each State has their own Statutes and/or procedural rules regarding Move-aways. If the procedures are not followed, it can result in the responding party seeking ex parte relief and even a change in custody. As a result, knowing the rules and the statutory burdens that apply is critical.
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LexieBelle
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Posts: 3680
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Yes, I would say that kind of thing would help you in a court case BUT, as I can attest to, the fact these guys DON'T take their "ordered" time, doesn't mean they won't take you to court to stop a move if YOU are seen as "taking away" their time. So be prepared for that. Document, document, document. I had calendars for all three years prior to the move. I had call logs, including printouts of my cell phone records for an entire year. Everything. You name it, I had it. School system comparisons, rent comparisons, utility comparisons. Auto insurance comparisons, childcare. Crime rates.
As CP you may be held to a higher standard; however, that does NOT mean you are held PRISONER.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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It is frustrating at times - that higher standard. Especially since he's quit paying CS reguarly and never takes his COd time.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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But what he has or hasn't done CAN make a difference in a move case.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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How about ever having been to a doctor or dentist appointment? No parent-teacher conferences? Missing First Communion - even though he lived 4 miles away at the time.
Plus, living 65 miles away.
I've got almost 6 years of this documentation.
Edited by SRS (01/25/12 12:12 PM)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I'd say anything and everything is fuel for the proverbial fire.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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My current husband doesn't do that... and he's a great dad.. so your point is??
My ex as the custodial did NEVER did any of those... so in our move away (him moving) it did impact him because I was seeking full custody because he did not follow procedures for our state (as Maury indicated in his post).
Again, my suggestion is to follow the orders for your state OR your orders according to your papers... if you have to notify him, you do so...and let the chips falls where they may. I am not against the move, but I am against you not doing it the correct way... and in doing so, again.. you may be expected to pay for travel, etc.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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No it doesn't.... she will be allowed to move.. I'm not saying that.. but she will have to have a plan in place such as visitation.. she may lose her summers with him and she may have to pay for 1/2 travel, etc. But, if she doesn't follow the orders... she could lose custody... just ask my ex.. LOL!
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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My first thought/recommendation is find out what your decree says and what your state law/policy is on the topic of moveaways. And go from there. Develop a plan for what visits will be like, how transport will be handled etc.
Unless your state has extremely strict move away laws - I am guessing in the end you will be permitted to move your kids. Being behind on CS, not taking visits etc are usually going to put him in a bad place with a judge if it comes to that. The thing that I would be worried about is getting stuck with the transportation.
The other thing - I would be concerned about being that far away from my kids while they are with a flake. What if he gets tired of it and wants to drop them off at your place (as I believe he has done in the past???) and now he can't because you live 5 hours away. Being forced to keep them might bring out an ugly side of him that is not good for your kids.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Oh, absolutely! I wouldn't suggest she just up and move! Sorry, didn't mean it to come across that way if I did. I assumed that was assumed, lol.
Absolutely she will have to find out what her state "law" or guidelines are on moves.. and what her decree says.
I'd definitely agree that she should be prepared to do all transportation or to pay for all (however they do it) but I will say... for all everyone talks about how the moving parent is nearly always 100% responsible.. in my experience now as a moved parent, and going on a year using the ferry and meeting all these families doing long distance.. only myself and one other mother are doing 100% and even that, her ex does what mine does now, meets us at the ferry, so I do 3 1/2 hours round trip, he does 2 hours round trip, 4 days a month and I obviously pay mine and dd's passage on the ferry, roughly $180 a month. Anyway, all the other families, one parent brings over, the other parent brings back. Like I mentioned earlier it's been very educational becoming with BOTH sides of the equation (daughters, similar ages.. dd has a travel buddy).
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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I have just starting the planning process. I need to sell my house, find a job, save up money for private school, and a bunch of assorted other things before we could even consider it. I am no where near actually doing it at this point. It will take me a year to do a good solid move.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I'm sure you'll be very thorough and make it smooth :)
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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In my state anything over 100 miles (within the state) would require the NCP to be on board. You'd have to notify him, I believe it's 60 days prior to the move to give him time to respond.
I would say that coming up with a long distance parenting plan beforehand would be a good place to start. he might never use it but at least it will show that you've thought it through.
Sometimes a move is best for the kids, sometimes it's not. Only you know if it's worth it for your family but I don't think his moves really have a bearing on what you will or won't be allowed to do.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Okay, my kid's Dad hasn't been involved in their lives. He may see them every other month, but has gone as long as 9 months without seeing them.
--How long ago was that? How often does he seem them currently?
He used to live a couple of miles away, but this past summer he moved 90 miles away. Now, he lives approximately 65 miles away. He doesn't notify me when he moves - didn't give me addresses until I asked him.
--Not sure what this has to do with anything. I'm glad he gave it when you asked so you were at least aware then.
I am thinking of moving to a large city that is a 5 hour drive from where we currently live, so that we have a better support system.
--I think it would depend on what your CO states, and how often he sees them. I think it would depend more (if the CO isn't specific) on how it would affect your children, and what would be fair to them. You do have to remember - if you move away, you aren't giving him the opportunity to be involved.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Is it a move away, if the OP moves first?
--Depends on what the CO says and how many miles it states in the CO, if at all.
Has hasn't seen them since Christmas, btw. He took them for 3 days less than the actual CO'd time. Last night was the first time he has called them since Christmas. I think that kind of stuff would help in a court case, wouldn't it?
--Doubt it in a moving away situation. It's not as if he never sees them at all.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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<<It is frustrating at times - that higher standard. Especially since he's quit paying CS reguarly and never takes his COd time.
>>
Welcome to the club. Still doesn't mean you can move - you haven't said what it states in your CO.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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<<How about ever having been to a doctor or dentist appointment? No parent-teacher conferences? Missing First Communion - even though he lived 4 miles away at the time.
Plus, living 65 miles away.
I've got almost 6 years of this documentation.>>
Again - welcome to the club. May or may not make a difference. Being minimally involved isn't not being involved at all - I have been through similar experience for almost just as long - I still wouldn't move away from DS's father unless he wasn't involved at all.
Not seeing them since Christmas is not that long in the big scheme of things. That's like 6 weeks.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2003
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It is odd, your feeling the need to reply MB- 4x in a row, to an older thread, and to someone you have on ignore. Why?
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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It actually isn't an old post - I've been following it, yet haven't had the time to respond. It's about what, 5 posts down? Do you look at the dates everyone posts, b/c I don't :). I forget sometimes to venture to this one and child support - so now and then I get caught up. Is that ok with you? ;)
I ignore her when she posts nonsense in response to trolls and garbage. I do not read what she posts in threads the trolls start.
When someone posts something I know about, and have experience about and can offer an opinion about - I'll respond to anyone.
She actually does this a lot. She posts something, doesn't answer valid questions that several people have already asked - then doesn't respond. It's a common theme of hers. People post to other posts days or weeks after it's started...this isn't exactly uncommon here.
Oh, and 4 responses - because I do that when responding to anyone, while I'm reading, I respond as I go...I don't read it all, then respond, unless it's a super long thread.
That's why. :)
(It sure is gonna take you a while to ask everyone who continually posts to me who knows I have them on ignore why they do it!)
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Why are you posting on an old thread? 4x or so? I thought I was on ignore because I was an old hag? THat is exactly what you said.
I've had you on ignore for a long time because you are totally, 100% certifibly crazy in my opinion.
I wouldn't take advice from you or reply to your nonsensical questions if you were the last frickin person on the earth.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Yeah that's why you read every post about her and from her. BAER.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Aren't you just a fine little helpmeet to JL? Holy crap.
You have been on ignore almost as long as JL - and you both know it.
Why respond at all?
I can only guess what other of her little friends will post next. You know - because she's so naive and all. She can start crap and it takes you to finish it.
Egads.
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I'll be honest.. I read JL's replies on this thread and literally laughed out loud at the SICKNESS of it.
FIRST of all, JL has SRS on IGNORE. Why why WHY would she post on this thread??????
SECOND, she knows ZERO about move-aways, she's never DONE one.
THIRD, her statements to SRS? Completely and utterly FALSE. The woman has YEARS of documentation of his violating their court order in terms of visitation. ABSOLUTELY that is a factor.
FOURTH, the hypocrisy of this bytch saying "gee he's their FATHER, doesn't MATTER what HE does" is so fvcking funny I literally about peed my pants laughing so hard. This chick is in court currently for basically telling a LAW GUARDIAN to go fvck themselves and she'll do what she damn well pleases (didn't she stop counseling for the child? And she's been ordered to re-start it?). Never mind the level to which she tells the father to go fvck himself (and don't tell me she doesn't, **I** have the emails to him that CLEARLY show that she's a horror show to deal with for him).
Obviously you're JUST as sick as she is. Really. It's pathetic.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I'm sick because I told SRS she doesn't have JL on ignore because she reads every little thing she can about her and from her? Ok. Does JL have SRS on ignore? Doesn't look like it.
If you think I'm sick? That's ok by me. I love how you are all of a sudden BFFs with SRS when you've been very vocal about how much you do not like her and do not agree with her 99% of the time. Love it. Have a great day.
Edited by M5M5 (02/05/12 01:58 PM)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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I never had her on Ignore, as JL "claims" she's had SRS on ignore. But we know how that works DON'T WE? The only people I have on ignore are SweetLight and Redlegg.
While I may not agree with SRS's position on her ex, the OW, etc, I DO and if you go back you will SEE that I was very SUPPORTIVE, have empathy for her situation with her ex. I do feel for her. And I think she's getting to a healthier place. My 2 cents on that.
I think it's sick that JL deliberately picked SRS's thread to reply to, like she's got ANY move-away experience (which she has ZERO) and coming off with "well gee, this isn't THAT bad or THAT isn't THAT bad" when with her own ex? She's a rapid psychopath dog up his ass every 15 minutes over everything down to how he freaking BREATHES for Christ's sake. And she's gotta KNOW what she said to SRS is TOTAL bullshyt! SIX years of documented failure to fulfill visitation? Everything documented? Living conditions, behavioral stuff, etc etc? Might cost her, but I'd bet my life she'd get granted a move. For MrsB to suggest otherwise is JUST because it's SRS and JUST to be a bytch.
And there you are, it's like you're siamese freaking twins at this point. She posts, you're there 5 seconds later with an Amen and an Hallelujah. Yeah, it's sick.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Actually I only put SRS on ignore when I see her say something sh*tty in a post about me, or by me. But hey - I'm sure it's just one of her kids logging into her account and posting....BAER. However, PM stays on ignore at all times. :). I guess we have rules now about who can post to who blah blah blah? OMG people - grow up, seriously. My responses were completely legit and ABOUT her PUBLIC QUESTION.
:)
As to your last statement...what can I say. Misery loves company.
PS - NO, you are NOT the sick one here :)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Posts: 3680
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You two are funny.. Carry on..,
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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I find it interesting that they'd reply to the people that they accused of stalking Bunny.
....and who are the crazy, b1tches?
Edited by SRS (02/05/12 06:27 PM)
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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So do I, so do I!! And the questions and statements are really hysterical given her longstanding position on her ex's lack of involvement and just where he can go and exactly how he can get there. No problem replacing him with stepdad, no problem using the kid as a bargaining chip for child support. But she's gonna come off like "you NEVER sacrifice the parent/child relationship!!" I literally about peed my pants laughing at the complete hypocrisy of it. And it would not have had happened were it not YOU.
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Sampoe
enthusiast
Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 325
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[quote]Actually I only put SRS on ignore when I see her say something sh*tty in a post about me, or by me. But hey - I'm sure it's just one of her kids logging into her account and posting....BAER. However, PM stays on ignore at all times. :). I guess we have rules now about who can post to who blah blah blah? OMG people - grow up, seriously. My responses were completely legit and ABOUT her PUBLIC QUESTION.
:)
As to your last statement...what can I say. Misery loves company.
PS - NO, you are NOT the sick one here :) [/quote]
OMG! This is the funniest one so far.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Yeah - she's crazy. She's posting here and Delphi again. Crazier than a loon. Her posts are what is called "talking salad."
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Sampoe
enthusiast
Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 325
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It wouldn't be so funny if she wasn't in court all the time trying to limit visitation with her ex and THEIR son. And did you notice the passive agressive nature of her posts. I didn't miss it as it was loud and clear. Then enter M5M5. What's M5M5's signature line? Something about she hates when liars pants don't catch on fire. Good God!
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Yes, Bunny's bff here on the board is/was a huge hypocrite. We just aren't allowed to talk about it.
So, the lying thing in her signature really is just doggone silly. She'd better hope she doesn't catch on fire.
THe 2 of them are slightly amusing, however.
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Sampoe
enthusiast
Reged: 01/27/11
Posts: 325
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They can entertain us all day long (don't know M5M5's story)but there is a little boy that wants to see and spend time with his daddy and Bunny won't allow it. That is the sick part of it. One would have assumed when 2nd husband dumped her, she would have gotten a clue to her mental illness, but she didn't.
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nope
member
Reged: 12/31/11
Posts: 148
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**Actually I only put SRS on ignore when I see her say something sh*tty in a post about me**
If she was on IGNORE you would never see ANYTHING she says about you. Would you like to explain the on ignore off ignore feature you use? Or my favorite: "Ladies it is time to clean up my Facebook. You have all been deleted" Then slowly but surly you add everyone back, and the cycle continues. If a poster is on ignore, IGORNE THEM!
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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[quote]Yes, Bunny's bff here on the board is/was a huge hypocrite. We just aren't allowed to talk about it.
------->>> Amen!
So, the lying thing in her signature really is just doggone silly. She'd better hope she doesn't catch on fire.
----------->> More her bestie than her I think. MrsB/JL is
THE single biggest PROVEN (repeatedly) liar on this board. The signature line? Is downright HYSTERICAL. The first time I read it I literally laughed out loud and said "she's GOT to be kidding right??"
THe 2 of them are slightly amusing, however. [/quote]
-------------->>> It's sad and pathetic really. One person lies or misrepresents and isn't a big enough/strong enough person to stand by their own misrepresentations without M5, who must be truly desperate for this girl's approval, which doesn't say much for her self-esteem that her biggest allegiance is to a proven liar and someone who I bet if M5 were dealing with her as a "BM" would be on here bytching about constantly. It's sad. Really sad.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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And I'm still WINNING!
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Yeah - you are right LB. I don't get the constant need for M5 to defend JL. She just craves JLs approval. Weird.
I never thought of that. Imagine if JL was the BM in M5's situation. Didn't M5 go to the hospital to visit her now DHs newborn when she was the OW? or was that someone else?
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LexieBelle
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/10
Posts: 3680
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Low self-esteem... JL is no doubt a gorgeous girl, popular, young and pretty.. you get the picture.
No, that wasn't M5.. that was Avaya if I'm not mistaken. It's why all the issues with her being so religious and anti- "other woman" and knowing one's place etc. Kinda ironic considering her own relationship beginnings apparently.
SSmom.. you are? Congratulations!!
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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:) THANKS!
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