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angel549
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Vacation during school time
      #777424 - 02/10/12 10:42 PM

My 8 year old is struggling in math, has a tutor at school, etc. Florida has what they call FCAT tests that start in 3rd grade. If the child fails the FCAT, they are held back. My daughter gets mostly A's , except in math. The test has a math portion, and a language portion.

Well, my ex TELLS me he is taking her out of school to NJ for a distant relatives wedding for 7 days. A WEEK PRIOR TO THIS HUGE STATE TEST!

I am shocked. Not only is it during my parenting time (he is more than happy to let me make it up), but the week out of school is CRAZY for a wedding.

If my daughter was doing great in math, I would not be concerned. My ex informed me he would discuss it with the teacher, and if the teacher says she can go, than he doesn't care what I think. Wow.

We have joint legal custody.

Just seems he is putting visitation with his family above her schooling. I think it is wonderful for her to vacation with them. But not before a big standardized test, in the middle of the school year. Do I have a say, really?


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Runswithscissors
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777430 - 02/11/12 06:46 AM

While you have joint...is it joint legal and physical? Who is the primary parent?

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angel549
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Runswithscissors]
      #777442 - 02/11/12 11:44 AM

We have joint legal. I am the resident parent. We have 60/40. (I have my daughter 60%)

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SRS
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777447 - 02/11/12 01:52 PM

A week before a big test is mostly spent cramming. Not learning.....

If the teacher is for it, I'd step back and let it happen.


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Cassie23
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777450 - 02/11/12 02:28 PM

5 days out of school for a student that struggles is ridiculous. Furthermore, in the school districts we have lived in you need a darn good reason to be out of school for 7 days- a wedding wouldn't cut it. Our school district(s) have been known to not give make-up work or tests. I wouldn't give my permission- and with "joint" don't both parents have to agree?

Edited by Cassie23 (02/11/12 02:29 PM)


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MrsB
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777453 - 02/11/12 03:24 PM

Yeah..I'm with you and Cassie....big fat NO.

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Dee78
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: MrsB]
      #777465 - 02/11/12 10:43 PM

7 days unexcused absence warrants a truancy meeting downtown here. I allowed T to miss 4 days to go to Disney and had to have a meeting at the school. It was not before any tests and the teachers gave her the work before she left and she turned it in the day she went back but it was still considered unexcused.

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MrsB
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Dee78]
      #777466 - 02/11/12 10:50 PM

Unless it's a school function or emergency - a week of missing school shouldn't be excused IMO. A few days for a special occasion - sure, but sure as heck NOT an entire week especially when the child is having issues in math and has a week immediately when she returns back to school after vacationing for a week.

For the life of me I don't get how the parent can support this...if they want the child there that bad, they should shorten the length of the trip so the child can only miss maybe one or two days, if even that, and be there the rest of the week in school to prepare for the exam coming up. And I'm not even sure I'd agree to that - it would depend - but that would be the most I'd possibly be willing to go.


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Debi
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777472 - 02/12/12 08:07 AM

Is there anything in your CO or in the state statutes about "final decision making"?

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MrsB
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Debi]
      #777476 - 02/12/12 10:47 AM

Debi - I would think since it falls on her time, it's her decision anyway? I can see some ways around that if it were a school event or a type of function listed in the CO as superceding the regular visitation schedule...doubt weddings are included in that though:).

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annieo
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: MrsB]
      #777487 - 02/12/12 12:01 PM

I think a week is a lot of time to miss as well even in the third grade.

My stepkids bm wanted to have my sd miss two weeks to go to Hawaii (we had custody - lived 3000 miles away making it a more difficult trip) and we said no - we did not want her to miss that much school but we were most angry because she did not want to take my ss with her - she was always mad at him for telling the truth to the GAL so it was a neener neener to him that see you have to be on MY side for me to want to include you - sick just sick - she sent this card to him one time saying she never intended for him to know his father and he should "want" to live with her and should have told the GAL what she needed to hear for him to stay with her - my sd lied (so did her half sister it was obvious they were coached and we had a clear and provable case of PAS on the part of bm) but ended up with us anyway - too much wrong in bm household that bm couldn't hide.

BM took it to court (she took EVERYTHING to court) and the courts sided with us because that was too much school to miss - it wasn't her parenting time and the judge did not like the fact she did not want to take her son.

I agree that maybe if the child missed a couple days (like Friday and Monday if the wedding is on Saturday) but a whole week with a important test following (to me) is inappropriate.


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finz
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: annieo]
      #777526 - 02/13/12 02:00 AM

We did have a few Disney trips that included missing up to 5 days of school when they were in elementary school. Even though it was technically a violation of truancy rules, many families did that and the teachers gave us the work in advance, etc.

Right before the state testing sounds like a poor choice to me. Could he compromise with having her just miss on Thurs/Friday ? Is there a direct flight if he went for the whole week and she flew out later ? Could your dd handle that ? Would he help her with the test prep or is he not a 'schoolwork parent' ?


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ssmom79
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777545 - 02/13/12 08:52 AM

It's your parenting time, right? I mean you have to say yes Ex, you can take her that week right? If you feel so strongly you want to forbid her from going, then it's your call.

This year we are taking SD and SS with us to Vegas and it's during an entire school week. And we are taking two friends along. All with parental permission. Are you prepared to have your child NEVER miss school for any of your family events? Our kids missed school because their uncle got married. Not a whole week but a Wed-Fri.

A week out of school won't kill the child's chances at success on the FCAT. The teacher can prep her work in advance, even provide extra math assistance if requested, and the child can complete it during her vacation. My SS failed 3rd grade FCAT. He had to do summer school that year. I hate FCAT!!!

I don't see him putting visitation above her schooling, just trying to get together with his family for a wedding. I get it's a 'distant' relative, but it's safe to assume that there will be lots of relatives there. It's a family event, some people see no problem with their child missing school for a family event. I used to have a problem with it....now I'm taking my kids to Vegas.


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Debi
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: MrsB]
      #777558 - 02/13/12 12:15 PM

Agreed, however they have a 60/40 time split which could easily mean the other parent is leaving on their parenting time time but won't be back before the time switches over. If it all occurs on the OP's parenting time then it's a no brainer, don't let the child go. I took it to be a little more complicated than that though.

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Avaya
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: SRS]
      #777559 - 02/13/12 12:18 PM

[quote]A week before a big test is mostly spent cramming. Not learning.....

If the teacher is for it, I'd step back and let it happen. [/quote]

Ditto. If she doesn't know it a week prior, that week isn't going to matter.

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Tweeby
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777577 - 02/13/12 03:25 PM

I am the type of parent who would not like a child missing 5 days of school for a vacation. A wedding for a distant relative would be at the most 2 days. It is hard to make up all of those days, even with advanced homework. Since she is not doing well in school I would be more strict than if she was getting good grades and the work came easy to her.

Not real sure what you can do to stop it.


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Cassie23
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Avaya]
      #777579 - 02/13/12 03:47 PM

[quote]A week before a big test is mostly spent cramming. Not learning.....

If the teacher is for it, I'd step back and let it happen. [/quote]

Ditto. If she doesn't know it a week prior, that week isn't going to matter.

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I actually respectfully disagree with that. My son is a perfect example of what I would call needing to "brush up" before a test. He forgets what to do when adding/subtracting vs. multiplying/dividing fractions. He could use that week before a test to go over, brush up on the follow through in mathematical problems. For him, he often forgets things like changing signs- little things that when you don't do it you do end up with the wrong answer.


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ssmom79
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Cassie23]
      #777581 - 02/13/12 04:08 PM

The FCAT is standardized testing and teachers in FL basically have evolved into teacher FCAT principles year round so students can pass it...so schools don't fail and lose funding. It's a pet peeve of mine, that FCAT...

I think FCAT website has a few problem booklets from prior year tests to review. Those are the sort of things a student taking the FCAT would do. Back in Elem. days the SK's usually got them as take home assignments. I would definitely recommend to the OP to check that out (google FCAT FLorida) just to get some of the booklets to review with her DD.

In FL you have to pass the FCAT to graduate. SS took it twice in tenth grade, twice in eleventh grade. He finally passed reading last year. Still has the Math. My SS has a LD and his comprehension has never been on par with his grade level. It was a big deal to get that darn reading one out of the way.


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MrsB
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Cassie23]
      #777583 - 02/13/12 05:40 PM

[quote][quote]A week before a big test is mostly spent cramming. Not learning.....

If the teacher is for it, I'd step back and let it happen. [/quote]

Ditto. If she doesn't know it a week prior, that week isn't going to matter.

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I actually respectfully disagree with that. My son is a perfect example of what I would call needing to "brush up" before a test. He forgets what to do when adding/subtracting vs. multiplying/dividing fractions. He could use that week before a test to go over, brush up on the follow through in mathematical problems. For him, he often forgets things like changing signs- little things that when you don't do it you do end up with the wrong answer. [/quote]

I agree Cassie. The week right before the exam, IMO, is the most important.


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c_jane
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: MrsB]
      #777640 - 02/14/12 12:41 PM

For a child that's STRUGGLING it would be a BIG NO for me. I did actually take my DD out of school for a week so she could stay with my mom while hubby and I went on a cruise.

DD was a straight A student in GT classes and we got HW in advance. This was also in 2nd grade with NO tests coming up in the next week.

In the OP's case, I would nix it, or at least just agree to Friday/Monday or Thursday/Friday. Not a week -- no way!

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MrsB
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: c_jane]
      #777642 - 02/14/12 12:45 PM

I agree.

I'd be curious what the teacher would have to say about the kid struggling with the class missing an entire week before a major test.

I can't imagine he/she'd be keen on the idea.

And sorry - but a wedding out of town for an entire week on my time, when my kid is struggling in school, is just not that important.


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kkimberh
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: MrsB]
      #777647 - 02/14/12 01:35 PM

DD is in 10th grade. She takes off a week in October and 3 days in March for national riding competitions (thank goodness most of the US sanctioned shows are in the summer). The condition is ALL her work is turned in and she's getting mostly all A's... If she were struggling, there's no way I could justify taking her out of school. None at all. And for a wedding? Uhh, don't think so.

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Gecko
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: angel549]
      #777653 - 02/14/12 02:56 PM

So what did the teacher say?

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angel549
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Re: Vacation during school time [Re: Gecko]
      #778680 - 02/29/12 10:11 AM

Well the teacher told my ex husband it would be fine, as long as she took all this extra work with her. I told my ex I did not agree with it at all, and that the answer was no. I put it in writing that I did not agree, he did not go through any formal court permission process, and it was on my parenting time.

Of course, he bought the tickets anyway. His response? "I'll make sure to owe you the days you'll be missing. Just let me know when you want your extra days with daughter"

I was fuming. But, he knows I am only working 1 day a week right now to finish my last semester of grad school (graduate in May) and that I don't have any money to pursue this in court. It just makes me cry that he cares more about a vacation than his child's education.

To put icing on the cake, they took a practice math FCAT test last week. My daughter missed 11 out of 19!!!! I spend every day I have with her tutoring, etc. I am at a loss for words =(


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