done4now
recently joined
Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 4
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I was on this exact forum many years ago....7-8 years ago to be sort of exact. I had to come back to tell my happy ending. My ex and I were in a typical horribly contested custody battle. He was living in another family's home and I had signed a separation agreement giving him physical custody...did this with no lawyer...he had one though. He began to seriously restrict my "visitation" and I hunkered down for the fight of my life. Learned all I could about custody/visitation in my state. I knew I had a tough one as I had signed a paper giving him custody. But eventually, through the biggest emotional battle of my whole life, I "won". The visitation for Dad was fair/equitable and life got better. After all the drama, he got remarried and moved away. If I had known then, what I know now....I would have just relaxed...chilled out and realized that all would be fine. And to add to the happy ending...my daughter and I are moving to be closer to her Dad. Sounds wild I know...but his new wife and I are very good friends and I know my daughter needs us both. The relationship between her father and I is awesome.
So I would tell you all, struggling in what seems the worst storm you have ever faced, there is light at the end of your scarey ugly tunnel. Be fair, don't involve the children in your ugliness, and don't do anything you will regret later.....
Take care all...and to Gr8Dad....thank you for all the kicks in my a$$...they motivated me and I have to say thank you now....
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Thank you so much for sharing! It's so wonderful to hear how these things work out so many years down the road - I hope several of us here who struggle with the relationships we currently have with our ex's will be able to come back years down the road and have a positive story to share as well.
I'm happy for you! And especially, happy for your child - looks like everyone has won! :)
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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This. This is why I could never totally give up on this place. Thanks for sharing...I love hearing the good stuff!
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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So I would tell you all, struggling in what seems the worst storm you have ever faced, there is light at the end of your scarey ugly tunnel. Be fair, don't involve the children in your ugliness, and don't do anything you will regret later.....
Take care all...and to Gr8Dad....thank you for all the kicks in my a$$...they motivated me and I have to say thank you now....
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WOW. Given many people's current situations this is extremely helpful! But...WHY did you have to go off of giving Gr8dad a big 'ole head? LOL
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done4now
recently joined
Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 4
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LOL Cassie23! You have no idea how furious Gr8Dad used to make me! He seemed to always want to play devil's advocate and I was sure he was just trying to piss me off. But actually he was showing me reality, he was reorienting me to what was really important....my daughter. We have to face up to our choices and always, always, always take the HIGH ROAD. I believe that is what made me victorious in my fight....I got very emotional but never vindictive.
Good luck to all who are in the midddle of their struggle/battle right now. Have faith that you will overcome......:)
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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<<Good luck to all who are in the midddle of their struggle/battle right now. Have faith that you will overcome......:)
>>
You are so right! It may take years, as it did for you - and I'm sure it will for most of us, if it hasn't already - but I do have faith that everything will work out in the end! One of my new favorite quotes I ran across recently - "Everything will be ok in the end. If if isn't ok, it's not the end."
:)
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NikkiL
addict
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 644
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Glad to hear everything worked out for you and your family. Gr8 is good at getting people to see the other side, like it or not. I can agree that Gr8 changed the way I looked a few things over the years. I dont always agree with him, but he does have a way of making you look at the situation from a different perspective which is helpful at times. :)
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Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks so much - your words are inspiring. My stbx won't let me see my kids except for a few minutes at HIS home only while HE is there until we are divorced and the state is making me wait a year for the divorce. I am so afraid he will succeed in alienating me from my kids. He was so impossible to live with I HAD to leave. Your story gives me hope.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Do you have an attorney? Why do you have to wait a year to divorce? Can you not get a temporary custody order?
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Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
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[quote]Do you have an attorney? Why do you have to wait a year to divorce? Can you not get a temporary custody order? [/quote]
I can't afford an attorney. Virginia requires one year of separation before you are eligible to be granted a divorce. As for going to court for a temporary custody order I am afraid to because he is threatening to go after his stepchildren, who are with me now, if I do that plus I'm afraid he will get a lawyer and I'll have to fight him without one and I won't have a chance.
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