done4now
recently joined
Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 4
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Document everything. In most cases, if the restriction on visitation is not in the best interest of the child...it will NOT look good for the parent who has custody at the time. Why is he being so restrictive? Is there some past history that is causing him to restrict your visitation?
As I said in my original post, if I knew then what I know now, I would have chilled out and not gotten so emotional about my ex's actions. Keep trying to spend time with your children, document all interactions, and try your very hardest to not lash out at your STBX.
Maryland has the 1 year separation rule as well. But you can put a separation agreement in place that can provide guidelines for the year apart...including information about custody, visitation and support of the children. You WILL need a lawyer though, I am sorry. I tried to sign an agreement with no attorney and I ended up with no rights at all.
I will say one last time...document everything. Keep trying to see your children and don't lash out at your STBX. Taking the high road will provide victory. And though the year of this might seem excrutiating, a judge will determine what is in the best interest of the children...period...
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Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks for the responses. He is being restrictive only because I live with someone else and he is angry that I left him. My other 2 children are thrilled with their new home and have reservations about visiting him because of his living environment. I agree about taking the high road - that's why I let him see his stepchildren even though he is denying visitation of my own children. I have been documenting everything in case he does get a lawyer and drag me in to court - the only hope I have is what I have been able to document about his living conditions. I feel the court ought to be a lot more concerned about those issues than the fact I am with someone else, but from what I've read Virginia courts like to impose moral judgement and I'm afraid I will come out even worse off, even though I feel his home is unfit due to a serious hoarding problem, unsanitary conditions, and a bug problem he refuses to rectify. He also got a 5 day or quit eviction notice after I left - he paid and stopped the eviction but I still feel it reflects very poorly on him that he got it in the first place. He also has what I feel is a drinking problem. Thanks again for the encouragement - I hope there is a chance I will ultimately get the joint custody and diplomatic relationship with him I am seeking.
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done4now
recently joined
Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 4
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I had a similar situation but my ex had custody based on a separation agreement I signed giving him custody (long, stupid story). My ex lived in the filthy home of another family that was eventually determined too small for all the occupants by a court social worker. My ex clearly was just being vindictive because he was hurt I asked for the separation...which was proven when all was said and done and he just got married and moved away. A new woman changed everything for him...luckily.
Don't second guess the courts. I was told which judges in my county would be most lenient, most mother oriented, most father oriented but none of it was true. Have faith that the court will look at EVERYTHING and determine what is in the best interest of the children....really. Your STBX's restriction of the children will not be looked on kindly.
Don't let what others say cause you emotional trauma. There was no greater mountain to climb than mine as I had signed a document giving my ex custody...clearly meaning that I felt he was fit to have custody. And yet with his behavior I overcame one of the biggest obstacles a person can face. If you left him, who you are seeing....none of it matters...as long as the children remain your priority.
Don't ever feel that taking the high road, being fair and equitable despite his vindictiveness will not pay off....it will...I promise.
Document all you see and hear. Save any correspondence. Emails requesting time that is denied are just as good as letters. Document what your children say. Try to leave emotion out of your documentation.
And realize one year of your life is not as long as you believe. And to spare the children will be your biggest accomplishment....
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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If the home is unsanitary, seriously unsanitary and not just lived in, its a health hazard for those kids.
REPORT IT.
I'm sorry, but the way you described it brought to my mind images from a hoarder show. If you're not doing drugs in front of the kids, beating them with a lead pipe and living with a child-molesting axe-murderer, and he's a hoarder with nasty house, HE has more to worry about than you do.
At the very least, get a couple of free consults from family law attornies. You don't have to hire one if you can't afford it, but get some information about your chances in court from someone BESIDES your ex. He's only going to tell you what benefits HIM, not YOU.
Knowledge is power~
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Aw, shucks...you guys (blushing)...
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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Anything4love........Your stbx has absolutely no right to not allow you to see your children or spend time with them. Why are you letting him determine how long you see the, which doesn't seem like much time at all? Do not be worried about who you see or live with. Just do not bring the children there if you are concerned about that. It is crazy for you to let him decide how much time you spend with your kids. At this point, you have just as much right to be with your kids as he does. He is intimidating you and you are letting him control you. Call the police if he tries to bully you.
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