Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Child Custody and Visitation

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | >> (show all)
AllisonG38
recently joined


Reged: 02/22/12
Posts: 10
I may have to give him the kids :(
      #778253 - 02/22/12 01:29 PM

Hello everyone, I am new to this board and in a very difficult situation and hoping for some advice. My husband and I have been seperated since Sept 2010 (16mths), during which we have been back and fourth, but we finally ended things in December. The problem is he has left me in an absolute FINACIAL MESS that I am having a difficult time getting out of. After we seperated he left the state and went back home to live with his mother 8hrs away. Although he has a job he's refused to pay child support, although he does pay the electric, but nothing else. We are currently on State azssistance. I filed child support back in November 2010 and they tried to have him served 9mths later and him and his mother denied service. We have 2 children together, ages 4 and 6, and he has been in and out of their lives throughout the seperation, only interested in talking with them when things were going well with him and I. I also have an 11 yr old from a previous marriage.

Anyway, the house that the kids and I reside in, which is in his name soley is being foreclosed on in the next few mths, I have tried to get employment which has been extremely difficult, athough i have 2 degrees, the fact that I have been a stay at home mother for the last 7 yrs is not helping. I am currently working with a case manager who things my best bet is to go back to school. The problem is I am so physically and mentally run down, I have lost so much weight and don't sleep well due to the stressand I'm at the point where I'm not functioning too well. Ive had the toddlers by myself for 16mths with no break and don't know how much more I can tolderate.

My husband has offered to take custody of the children and my friends and family think it may be in the best interest for everyone. Problem is, If I did that I'd only want it to be a temporary basis while I get back on my feet from the financial mess hes left me in, however I do not have the money to pay for a lawyer to draw up the papers. I've discussed this with my husband and explained to him that I didn't want to do this unless it has been made legal, because once they leave the state I lose all rights. It seems to me that both him and his mother are wanting me to just hand them over so they can file for state benefits ect......... I am so upset, stressed out and confused and don't know how much more I can take. The anger I feel for this man for the hell he has put me and these children in is incredible!

Sorry so long but does anyone have any helpful advice?


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: AllisonG38]
      #778259 - 02/22/12 03:02 PM

Hi Allison, start with a divorce. I don't know how it will work out giving him custody while you get on your feet and how difficult it would be to get them back. It could be very difficult. You should be prepared for that if you make this sort of decision.

Sometimes divorce leaves you in a big money mess and your're stuck getting out of it with no help from an ex and no support.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Renny
addict
**

Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: AllisonG38]
      #778264 - 02/22/12 03:40 PM

Try to hold it together and find employment. You will need the money soon. Based on what you said, if you give your H custody it will be difficult to get them back, whether they go before or after the divorce.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
AllisonG38
recently joined


Reged: 02/22/12
Posts: 10
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: Renny]
      #778265 - 02/22/12 03:48 PM

I filed a divorce by myself through the court last April, and also filed Alimony as well, but the way my State works is that they grant you the divorce first then 2 mths later you go to court for Alimony hearing. I placed the divorce on hold, because we were trying to work things out, but it can be easily taken off, unfortunately tho its not going to get me the money I need fast since we're facing foreclosure in the next few mths.

I feel like I have put up a long hard fight and have done everything i was suppose to do legally and nothing has worked in my favor. I just don't understand it and he absolutely angers me knowing what he has done to me and these kids. This is just so unfair.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: AllisonG38]
      #778267 - 02/22/12 04:36 PM

Honey life isn't fair and sometimes you get dealt a bad hand. You have to find the good in there and keep going. You haven't done everything you're supposed to do, your divorce is on hold, so start there. You just need to take things a step at a time.

It's been 16 months, I just want you to know that some people fight for years to get time with their kids, and you may find yourself in that very battle.

Do you have any support, family or friends who can help you out?

If you need money, you need to find employment, even if it's part time. You won't find money from a man who's not ordered to pay and doesn't want to pay.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
AllisonG38
recently joined


Reged: 02/22/12
Posts: 10
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: ssmom79]
      #778268 - 02/22/12 04:57 PM

I have been looking for employment and even with my 2 degrees it has been difficult, we live in a small area where there arent many jobs available and what lil there is, theres a lot of comptetition. Thats why my case manager wants me going back to school.

As far as my family and friends, they all say the same thing, "Give him the kids, you have done everything you could for them, and he's left you in an impossible situtation and you need to take care of yourself and get on your feet, so let him have the kids and work out visitation." And that is where I am at right now as well. I highly doubt he knows what hes getting himself into as the 2 of them can be a handful and don't forsee him and his mother coping for too long.

But, at this point I do feel that its probably in the best interest for everyone, and I have an 11 yr old who needs me too. I just have to get on my feet, and he as the father needs to step up and take his kids and do what he needs to do.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: AllisonG38]
      #778273 - 02/22/12 05:38 PM

If you think it's in their best interests to be with their dad, then you are doing the right thing. You will probably have to pay some child support to your ex for their care.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
AllisonG38
recently joined


Reged: 02/22/12
Posts: 10
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: ssmom79]
      #778275 - 02/22/12 06:59 PM

I wish I could be the one to care for them at this time but unfortunately because of his actions its proving to be impossible, but I'm still holding out for a miracle and I pray every night.

As far as the child support, he can try to file on me but my state said that if he does that they will see that I filed on him back in 2010 and he would have to owe me back support, for over a yr. so, he knows hes going to have to wait.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
annieo
veteran
*

Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1496
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: ssmom79]
      #778276 - 02/22/12 07:12 PM

I would do whatever I had to to have a custody/visitation lined up before they go - a legal temp order

I personally would not give them up because it is a long difficult road to get them back and because of the distance there is not the chance for 50/50 custody and once he has a status quo you will be hard pressed to establish the children now need to be uprooted and sent to you to be the custodial parent. You will become a visitor and it may be permanent.

Do you get TANF - if your husband doesn't pay support because he doesn't want to but is able to the state will give you money and go after him to pay it back - do not know if you want to go that route but it would bring in some income to raise the children - not a lot of monies but something.

I am curious as to why your caseworker wants you to go back to school if you already have 2 degrees - is it refresher? What are the degrees in?

I wouldn't give them up but I have read, heard, etc.... too many horror stories about people doing this and ending up the NCP - if you all lived closer then maybe because it could go to 50/50. I am not saying this because you are a woman it is what I would say to whoever had the children and had a long distance parenting issue and was thinking of sending the children to the other parent "for a little while"

Good Luck

you will probably have to pay support to your husband to help with the children's expenses and if they use state assistance you will have to pay it back in accordance with whatever income you come up with.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
annieo
veteran
*

Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1496
Re: I may have to give him the kids :( [Re: annieo]
      #778277 - 02/22/12 07:15 PM

"As far as the child support, he can try to file on me but my state said that if he does that they will see that I filed on him back in 2010 and he would have to owe me back support, for over a yr. so, he knows hes going to have to wait."

This will result in an arrears for him but you will have to pay support based on your income otherwise you will have an arrears as well - it is current support vs. back support owed.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | >> (show all)



Extra information
0 registered and 27 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 4575

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: