mydejavooo
recently joined
Reged: 03/04/12
Posts: 10
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Hello everyone! This is my first post, and I am hoping to get some help with an issue that I have been having for a while now. I have been divorced for almost 6 years, and I am a father that has primary custody of my children. My ex gets the kids every other weekend. I have moved on with my life and remarried, but unfortunately my ex has bounced from man to man to man, exposing my children to at least 12 different men, if not more. I dated one woman, and subsequently married her. My question is this: It clearly states in out divorce papers that she is to have no overnight dating, but my ex views that as my attempt to control her life. I really could care less about what she does when the kids are not with her, but when they are there, I really cringe at the thought of her exposing my children to man after man, forming bonds and attachments, only to have them broken when she tires of them and moves on to another guy. Presently she has moved in with another guy and has been with him for about 7 months now. She tells me that she has been keeping the kids at her mother's house on the weekends that she has them, but I found out tonight that she has been lying to me about that, and that they have been staying with her at her boyfriend's house. She states very clearly (because I asked her flat out) that she has NO intentions of ever marrying this guy...she's just living with him. So, isn't she in contempt of the papers???? I am not trying to control her life by any means, by it tears me up when the kids have memories of all of these men, and they get attached to them...and then she moves on. If I don't let her have the kids on the weekend because I KNOW she will take them to her BF's, then I am in contempt as well. What should I do here?? Oh, and I live in Idaho. Please, can anyone help here??
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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You can learn to look for the battles you can win and fight them. You cannot win this one. Its been six years, she will continue to do this, just let it go.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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Sounds like you are trying to control her life... problem is... you've allowed it for 6 years.. so why now? This should of been handled from the begining... now.. you're just being a PITA... she's been with him for 7months... prolly longer than she's been with any other person... so maybe he's a stable in her life... and possibly the kids....
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mydejavooo
recently joined
Reged: 03/04/12
Posts: 10
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How am I being a PITA when it says in the papers that she is not to do this?? And 12 guys in less than 6 years?? How has she demonstrated stability??
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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Have you filed contempt on her for this before? How did that turn out? If you've not taken her to court for it before, I agree with Runs, why NOW? What has changed that's prompting you to step up now?
Honestly, while I get your concern, but the fact is that she gets them 4 days or more a month and you and your wife have them the other 25+. You're already the primary parent and have a greater opportunity to model the behavior you want your kids to learn than she does. The damage to the kids with "memories", if there is any damage, is already done. Counteract it by living a more stable life yourself. After 6 yrs of this behavior, and a current steady relationship, I doubt you get anything more out of contempt than a large bill from your attorney. Worse case, after 6 yrs, she tries to mod the order to drop the clause, and its approved.
Bottomline? I think you've always thought she was a slut for jumping from man to man, and now you're angry because you just found out she's been lying to you. You want to show her that you're not as gullible and weak as she thinks.
Instead of making it a costly lesson about which one of you is right, make it about the kids, and giving them the stable life their mother apparently can't.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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mydejavooo
recently joined
Reged: 03/04/12
Posts: 10
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I have made a stable home for them, but I am curious why I become the [censored] when it comes to keeping the kid safe?? People are very passionate about this, but I only want the kids safe....and how does exposing them to man after man make that a safe environment? Has nothing to do with control....it's called following the terms of the paper... that SHE agreed to. I get tired of people thinking it's all about control. I paid to have it set the way that it was, and I get tired of being flipped the bird. If it was the MAN acting that way, they would hang the feller.....but women get a free pass, and it's not right. Can't someone see some reason here???
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mydejavooo
recently joined
Reged: 03/04/12
Posts: 10
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And she won't even give me an address where the kids are staying. And I"M the [censored], controlling, manipulative prick?? Give me a break. I just want to know where my kids are, and she won't even tell me. Yet because I'm the guy, I'm the bad guy. Neato!!! Thanks for the support.
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almostfree
newbie
Reged: 05/12/06
Posts: 38
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You don't have many choices. You can file contempt but nothing will likely happen because it is a moral issue not a legal issue. You could ask the court to make her disclose where the kids are, but there is all kinds of places for that to go wrong so you likely won't get it. At 7 months, it is considered a long term relationship so there isn't much hope with getting that stopped. While the courts are supposed to look out for the best interests of the child, they don't always do a very good job of it.
Now if the guy she is with is a felon then you have a shot at getting things changed.
Good luck. Just tell yourself that someday they will be 18 and you won't have to deal with it anymore.
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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What YOU think is important and what the courts do are not always the same. It is very frustrating.
You could file contempt on her but I doubt the courts will do much for her. She can be in contempt but the courts may not find her in contempt and/or she may be told 'don't do it again'. The court will frown upon that she has not given you her new address. Even if she has the kids at her parents home, her address is needed by the courts. I don't think the courts will do much for the overnight guests, especially now that she is living with someone. It may be in the CO but the courts can't really do much about it.
IMO, your best bet would be to file for contempt on her not providing you with an address. If you bring up her living with someone than you may be seen as being petty or not letting her move on with her life.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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The courts do not care how many men she shacks up with. As long as the kids are not being physically abused or DIRECTLY exposed to drugs or sexual exploitation THE COURTS DO NOT CARE. And the courts DO NOT CARE what YOU want or think or your religious/moral beliefs or anything else.
And it WOULD be the same for you. Believe it or not.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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