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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7155
Not sure how to handle this.
      #779042 - 03/05/12 06:59 PM

This morning I got a text from my 14yo (that she sent last night but I was already in bed) saying " Do you think you could give me 15 or 20 $ a month for helping you out or doing whatever you need me to do so I can get a new phone? SM said she will pay 20 if you do and it's ok with you."

The problem is it's NOT ok with me and SM already knew that as we had this conversation last week .Actually the conversation we had went something like this. SM- "S is mad because L's phone is costing about 60.00 a month (she has a track phone) and I am not adding her to our cell phone contract because when it expires we are getting our phones under our business". My response was "L should make at least 35.00 a month babysitting for your grand daughter, tell S to get her a phone from Cricket. If that doesn't work then put in a landline and forget the cell phone".

I have had a long standing rule that not only will NONE of my kids be on my cell plan, I will not pay a bill for them. D 17 just got a phone last spring when she had a job and could pay the bill. X and his wife made the decision to get other 2 girls phones a few years ago knowing how I feel. I know other people feel that teens need a cell phone. I do not feel that my kids "need" one. It's a want.

I don't feel as if I should have had to have the conversation with my daughter where I said "Not going to happen" because SM already knew my feelings. (as did x) Now I am the bad guy and she's mad at me for saying no. Another problem is she will not do anything around the house without first acting as if she is Cinderella and a multitude of child labor laws are being broken if she is asked to do ANYTHING including picking up after herself (which I pointed out to her)Who needs the extra stress?

My thought right now is to call X and let him know that i'm not happy with this being put on the table to our daughter with out he and I having a conversation, especially since his wife already knew my feelings. Any thoughts?

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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Tweeby
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Reged: 06/05/04
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Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: Debi]
      #779050 - 03/05/12 08:22 PM

My husband was the CP for their YS when the BM was buying my YSS cell phones. My YSS knew the rules for cell phones for OUR house. We didnt help buy the phone nor would we pay towards the cost and we would not be responsible if he lost it or broke it.

In our situation what would typicaly happen is that the BM would buy him an expensive phone and in a few months the phone would be shut off for non payment. We bought him a cell phone and paid ofr it when we felt that it was needed. BTW, it was when my YSS started to drive and had a job and he helped pay for the cost of the phone.

Let your D know the rules and stick to them. If your teen doesn't hate than your not doing your job :) Our rules may not have been liked but they were consistant. At times yes it seemed that we were the 'bad guys' but we still followed our rules.


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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7155
Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: Tweeby]
      #779052 - 03/05/12 09:05 PM

Thank you Tweeby. I have already had the conversation with D, letting her know that it's not going to work for me. I'm sure there will be a great conversation about me later this week, however I'm sticking to my guns. This is not one of the things I'm willing to back down on.

And I have to say the kid has guts she just got a home report with a "D" on it. If I were her I'd be laying really low right now. Not asking for anything!

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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LeAnne
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Reged: 08/18/05
Posts: 10232
Loc: missouri
Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: Debi]
      #779071 - 03/06/12 08:11 AM

You are a breath of fresh air...a parent that actually parents. Kuddo's to you mom.

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Empty Nesting


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LexieBelle
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Reged: 11/07/10
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Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: LeAnne]
      #779075 - 03/06/12 08:36 AM

[quote]You are a breath of fresh air...a parent that actually parents. Kuddo's to you mom. [/quote]

Ditto!


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c_jane
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Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1866
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: LexieBelle]
      #779084 - 03/06/12 09:03 AM

Is she just one of those kids that have to 'gripe' about everything? I ask because BOTH of mine are allowed to grouse about chores as much as they want AS LONG AS THEY DO THEM. I just agree with them "Yeah it sucks we can't just forget the house and have fun all weekend long." Sometimes I would even loudly say, while fixing supper or washing clothes, "Boy I sure hate this cooking every night! I wish I could just sit down and watch TV instead of having to cook a meal for y'all every night."

I also would allow them the choice of time to do the chore. I pick when I clean the bathrooms or whatever -- I figure so should they. So I would say "I want you to get the clothes out of the dryer and fold them/put them away before dinnertime." If it wasn't done, they didn't eat until it was.

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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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kkimberh
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Reged: 03/24/10
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Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: c_jane]
      #779088 - 03/06/12 09:35 AM

That surprises some of you don't think a cell phone for a teen is a necessity. Pay phones are no longer on every corner, they are sometimes impossible to find. I would assume if your kid drives, they would NEED a cell phone, for safety, not convenience.

My first phone was given to me by my dad - I was 29. I had a baby and drove an hour to and from work/daycare. He worried about us...

My dd is 15. She is extremely involved in her sport, competes nationally, has training several days a week, and a job on Saturdays. She is on my cell plan because it is necessary. She does buy her own phone. I would think any parent would want to be able to contact their teen at any time...

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I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.


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LexieBelle
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Reged: 11/07/10
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Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: kkimberh]
      #779091 - 03/06/12 09:48 AM

I'm with Debi, it's a WANT, it is NOT a need!!

Good lord, how DID we survive for ages with cars and jobs and school and NO CELL PHONES???? I mean, are we serious?? NOTHING drives me battier than seeing a kid with a freaking cell phone.

I got my first cell phone at 30? Somewhere thereabouts. And the only reason I got one THEN was b/c my boyfriend at the time was a control freak and wanted me to be reachable. To this day, I rarely use it for calls. I play games on it mostly. I have a 2nd iPhone.. that's my daughter's. For games only. I have custody of it, and I give it out only for things like car trips, on the ferry.. maybe restaurants (waiting long time for meals or to be seated). She'll ask for "her" phone. Ummm, nooo sweetheart that's MY second phone. I allow you to USE it. MAYBE.

I'm big into reminding my kid that's exactly what she is. A KID. I'm truly shocked at how kids behave these days, what they "expect" to get, how much they are running their households. It's crazy. And it's rampant.

People, stop giving your kids cars, nintendos, phones, and every other crazy ass thing. Go back to BASICS. BASIC respect, BASIC discipline, BASIC life pleasures. Seriously.


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Tweeby
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Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: kkimberh]
      #779092 - 03/06/12 09:54 AM

At what age do you think a teen NEEDS to have a cell phone?

Debi's D is 14 yo and I don't think she drives yet.

My teen boys don't have a cell phone to use as their own. We have a cell phone for a house phone and if it is needed than they can take that but it is not that common for it to be out of the house. My YS15 is in a lot of activities and I rarely have a problem contacting him because we have a system. The few times I had a problem getting a hold of him he had the cell phone with him but it was shut off as he was at a school function, our communication of what time I was to pick him up was not accurate.

A teen WITH a cell phone driving can be a distration instead of a helping them. Kids can receive a text and not think and pick it up to read it while driving. Not safe at all.

Most people have rules about when they think it will be fine for their kid to have a cell phone. It can also depend on the kid and their activities.


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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7988
Re: Not sure how to handle this. [Re: kkimberh]
      #779093 - 03/06/12 09:54 AM

Just depends on what you call a need.

My hubby says my SK's NEED a cell phone. I don't really think they NEED a cell phone but hey, if that's what he wants, go ahead.


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