c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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DS is in Jr. ROTC and LOVING it. May make the Army his career.
This is my Spring Break to have him. SB starts Friday.
Today DS asks me if he can go to Boot Camp. Only 15 out of 60 cadets were picked to go. He will miss 2 days of school (Thursday-Friday) and come back Sunday. It costs $50.
I said sure DS could go, no problem. Dad said HE wasn't paying -- it was MY weekend so *I* could pay if I wanted him to go. This is what he told DS when DS asked him for the $50.
I also had to pay $45 recently for a math test that DS's teacher wants him to take. FOTY said it 'wasn't necessary' & he 'didn't have the money.'
Yeah DAD doesn't have the $$ cuz he's always broke, can't make ends meet EVEN with my CS and working OT. Ugh. Just Ugh!
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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If ds is going on your weekend you should pay it - if you really want him to go just take care of it not to mention you told ds he could go knowing it cost the 50 - you would be beyond pi$$ed if your ex did that to you - tell ds he could do something and then expect you to pay for it - you should have cleared the cost with the ex BEFORE you told your ds if you are not willing to pay the cost.
You already know that your ex's view on education and yours are two different things - stop expecting anything different.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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Gotta agree with Annie here...I know your X isn't always the best to deal with - however this isn't a mandatory event and it does fall on your time.
Just pay the $50 and let your son enjoy himself and leave dad out of it.
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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Not sure why you consider your ex a d-bag for these reasons.
Not sure why you would have to pay for a special math test, I wouldn't be paying it for my kids either. The only test I have had to pay for was ACT. My YSS took microsoft certs in HS and those were paid for by the school or was apart of the fees for the program he was in, nothing separate and not all of the kids in the program took the certs.
Your ex has different priorities than you do. Doesn't make him horrible just different.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Because I pay what I consider MORE than enough CS for him to be able to afford ALL DS's educational costs -- extracurricular or not.
Because they're so broke DS doesn't want to ask FOTY for *anything* knowing he'll get the 'we're just scraping by' lecture.
Because Douch-bag's Fat AZZ wife doesn't work and spends all day long on the computer (per DS) AND all night long.
Because I'm supporting TWO families on my salary PLUS paying for all DS's educational costs.
Because DS is finally seeing the light and has ZERO respect for FOTY. And his DAD has turned DS against him -- nothing I could do could have done it so well.
DS knows whom he can count on and whom he can't.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Unfortunately you have zero say in what they do with their money, including CS. As long as your son has the basics at dad's house that's all that has to be provided.
My x and I have 50/50 with no CS changing hands. If I want the kids to have something I know I have to pay for it. If he (or rather his wife) want the kids to have something they try to guilt me into paying half. It is what it is.
As others said you already know his views on education aren't what yours are. That's life so you gotta do what you gotta do.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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My ex is a douche, does not see my child nor does he pay CS. I cannot focus on his douche-y-ness. I just have to "keep calm and carry on". He is not worth my thought process.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Very cool he was extended that offer. I'm glad you are making sure he has the opportunity when your ex doesn't want to help pay for it.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30372
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To the group:
How many OTHER NCP's on this board do you ALLOW to bytch and complain about paying their support and having the CP providing the basics being not enough? Just curious, is is because she is FEMALE< or because she is a regular? You all would NEVER let a new poster or a GUY get away with this crap.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Because I pay what I consider MORE than enough CS for him to be able to afford ALL DS's educational costs -- extracurricular or not.
------------------> Yea, so do we. Doesn't mean he has to pay for them or should pay for them just because you do. If you don't like what you're paying, go back to court. I know the feeling though CJ.
Because they're so broke DS doesn't want to ask FOTY for *anything* knowing he'll get the 'we're just scraping by' lecture.
------------------> BTDT, got a shirt, wrote a book, working on second edition. I'm not scraping by, the kid gets the benefit...sometimes the ex also gets a benefit. But I'm not worried about that anymore.
Because Douch-bag's Fat AZZ wife doesn't work and spends all day long on the computer (per DS) AND all night long.
-------------------> Yea, BM supported a nonworking husband and a nonworking fiance. Guess how she did it? Yup, it was likely the overpaid child support that kept the household running. But hey, the child support ends, yours will too.
Because I'm supporting TWO families on my salary PLUS paying for all DS's educational costs.
---------------------> Yea it sucks huh? But hey, your DS will get a good education.
Because DS is finally seeing the light and has ZERO respect for FOTY. And his DAD has turned DS against him -- nothing I could do could have done it so well.
-------------------> Bet you're loving that.
DS knows whom he can count on and whom he can't.
-------------------> So do my SK's.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Get away with WHAT? Would you get off your gender soapbox. Jeez.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Whatever Not-So-Gr8 said (I have him on ignore) don't sweat it. I'm his 'whipping girl'.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30372
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Get away with complaining about the AMOUNT of child support and the CONSTANT harping on the ex. Every other NCP on this site gets told they are getting away EASY with child support. That it DOESN'T cover all the expenses, etc etc etc. Yet c_jane gets to CONSTANTLY crap on her ex and complain, and no one says a word (or rarely do they say anything negative).
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30372
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The really funny thing is that the people you DON'T have on ignore said far worse to you in this thread, LMAO. Must be that HIGH END college edumacashun you gots.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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You do know that kids tell parents what they want to hear? Your son most likely is telling his Dad and SM what a bioch you are.
From what you stated here, I don't see your ex as being a d-bag. He parents differently than you and has different priorities. He is not horrible for doing things differently than what you want him to do.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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I complain about CS. I'm married to an NCP.
CJ will constantly crap on her ex with or without people posting, whether it's positive or negative. She needs no help with that. Frankly, I try to get CJ to see a positive side to the situations she posts since she has so much hatred for her ex. I don't address that because she is a regular and it is what it is. I can't change it, so I don't address it.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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From what you stated here, I don't see your ex as being a d-bag. He parents differently than you and has different priorities. He is not horrible for doing things differently than what you want him to do.
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Totally agree Tweeby.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11736
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I bet to differ. I've seen the majority of people on this site (the regulars) disagreeing with her. It's just that some of us (myself included) chose to not respond anymore to her...what's the use? She does what she wants with no thought of how it affects her son (so long as he is trashing or hating his father)...it doesn't matter what we say to her. Not sure how we are supposed to "stop" her from posting.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Ummmmmm......
"Unfortunately you have zero say in what they do with their money, including CS. As long as your son has the basics at dad's house that's all that has to be provided."
Hello I think I SAID that.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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Eh... like M5 said, what's the point in responding to her anymore? Her whole situation smacks of bitterness, one-upmanship, and PAS.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2016
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How many passes do you think you have been given, gr8Dad? I have lost count.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2016
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Just don't respond until you change your mind. ;-)
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
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Word of advice SL? If you're going to be passive aggressive, at least try to respond without using quick reply. If I didn't realize you and I don't interact, I would've thought that jab was meant for me.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30372
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Me? Passes? Yeah, right. Oh, and I DO apologize and admit when I am wrong. Nice try thought. Don't you have an ex to deal with or custody to dispute? Oh, wait, no, what the hell ARE you doing here?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2016
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Do you have a problem with free speech, Gr8dad? WBC, Josh Powell, Christian religion, etc.- the threads you start and typically rally around do have importance to everyone (just FYI). This place is a "water cooler" and no experience is necessary. You can try to shut me up by saying I should stay in the corner and watch the adults, but you should read up. As you tell me to. You certainly speak of freedoms a lot, but you don't seem to allow others to have them very often.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30372
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I NEVER said that you could say anything, I just asked WHY.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I beg to differ. I happen to think CS is generally highway robbery. I understand her frustration in that regard. I think it really colors her situation towards her ex in a very understandable way. It would be nice if she left her kid out of it, quit giving her ex headspace every time he doesn't pay for something which she ALREADY KNOWS he won't pay, etc. But I quit kicking that dead horse a long time ago.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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I have to agree with others. At this point your child is the most important. If you and the x are bickering, this will hurt your child in the end. Just pay for it and let him have fun. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and its hard to do. I have been in your shoes, and you will see with time that your son will grow into a wonderful young man if you keep the anger out of all of it. Your child cant help that his daddy is an ......
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Do the right thing for your son!!!
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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I don't know much about child support, but from reading the posts, I have a question. From some of the responses, it seems the parent paying child support has no say in how it is spent, as long as basic needs are being met. That does not seem right at all. That would mean if Dad had a large income and paid $3,000 a month in child support, Mom could feed the kid hotdogs and baked macaroni and refuse to let the kid have guitar lessons, and buy his clothes at yard sales and thrift shops? I would think the court would not look favorably on this.
c jane......If you are that upset with this situation, why don't you start documenting the things you believe are unfair and go back to court? Your child support should not be supporting your ex or his wife.
Edited by Eve (03/14/12 12:05 AM)
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Yes this is correct. I have NO SAY in how they spend the CS. Which they use to pay bills. OCCASSIONALLY (I mean about 2X a semester) they will buy DS a pair or two of jeans and a couple of shirts from Walmart/Target. Shoes from Payless. No extras at all. They're BARELY scraping by, in spite of the almost $1K/month they get from me.
[quote]I don't know much about child support, but from reading the posts, I have a question. From some of the responses, it seems the parent paying child support has no say in how it is spent, as long as basic needs are being met. That does not seem right at all. That would mean if Dad had a large income and paid $3,000 a month in child support, Mom could feed the kid hotdogs and baked macaroni and refuse to let the kid have guitar lessons, and buy his clothes at yard sales and thrift shops? I would think the court would not look favorably on this.
c jane......If you are that upset with this situation, why don't you start documenting the things you believe are unfair and go back to court? Your child support should not be supporting your ex or his wife. [/quote]
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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Eve
member
Reged: 11/28/05
Posts: 112
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Well, I cannot see why any noncustodial parent should have the child support they give the custodial parent used for anything, but the care of the child. I do not know your situation at all, but if I was unhappy and felt it was grossly unfair to me and my child, I would go back to court and ask for shared custody.
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