M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Eh, I think it's pure jealousy on the BM's part when they take issue with how much a stepparent actually parents. If they were secure in their own "motherhood" and realized that MOST stepparents are not trying to usurp her position...would be so much healthier for her and kids.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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I agree. Funny thing is in situations of BMs and SMs I think one or the other tend to find problems that don't exist. Either the SM is parenting or being a Mom too much to their children or not enough. They just invent a problem because that is easier than just being believing that us evil StepMoms aren't trying to take their place. And if we aren't trying to take their place then we simply don't treat the SK like one of our own.
I have dealt with BOTH sides from BM. AT first she wanted my input and wanted me as part of the package- because H and I are married. Then it was- you don't treat all the kids the same. Apparently BM called her SD, her "daughter". I always called SD my "stepdaughter" because SD had a MOTHER. I was never trying to take her Mom's place. Now I call her my daughter because her Mother plays no part in her life.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Yeah, I agree with you. My son has a step-mom and I've always said...as long as she treats him right, I would never slam her for doing any of the parenting over there. I just couldn't. I know what it's like first hand dealing with a BM like that and I vowed I would NEVER be like that. I love my child TOO much to be like that.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]Last year during skids baseball practice, BM told me that her DH had been offered a job in LA and was considering taking it. She asked me what kind of visitation DH would want. I told her she would have to talk to him about it because I don't know but I was sure they could work something out. [/quote]
And had she moved, IMO, she should be the long-distance parent and your dh the primary parent. And she should pay all of the transportation costs. My opinion on moveaways don't change based on gender.
But that isn't what is happening now. So it's not what you have to deal with. What she considered then is irrelevant. What is relevant is that your dh and you ARE moving while she is not.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]Agree EM. Some people just have it in for stepparents - it's silly. I just find it soooo interesting if the genders were reversed or if it weren't a SM who is a parental figure posting, she'd be getting different responses. [/quote]
I don't have it in for stepparents. I just don't think that they should be the ones doing the vast majority of their spouses parenting. In the OP's case, from my understanding, the stepmom is doing just that. As the mother, if I am available and he's not, the kid(s) should be with me. And vice versa.
BTW, I do think that it is great when stepparents step up to the plate with the parents aren't that involved.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]
Status quo for the past 7 years is 50/50.[/quote]
And that would certainly prevent her from moving the kids away and assigning the NCP title to the father. It also works the other way.
50/50 is gone regardless of status quo. When your DH and you chose to move, you pretty much threw status quo out the window.
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MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
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I agree Goodmom.
However some act as if a SP is in any way involved the world is going to come to an end.
It's whatever works for each individual situation. This isn't Cinderella.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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And that would certainly prevent her from moving the kids away and assigning the NCP title to the father. It also works the other way.
50/50 is gone regardless of status quo. When your DH and you chose to move, you pretty much threw status quo out the window.
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Not according to MT's newest thread. They had 50/50 and the OP was allowed to move.
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Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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In the OP's case, from my understanding, the stepmom is doing just that. As the mother, if I am available and he's not, the kid(s) should be with me. And vice versa.
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Not something the OP stated just something others conjured up. She does most of the transportation, that is not the same as doing most of the parenting.
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Loretta
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 3940
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SRS conjured it up. Said it, then repeated it until GM believed her apparently.
People should not spend so much time being offended. SM in my case probably did a lot of the parenting, as I did when I was married to him. Don't want someone else in your kids lives???? Don't get divorced. No other way to prevent it. People spend years making themselves miserable trying to control, unsuccessfully, other people.
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