njinco
recently joined
Reged: 03/13/12
Posts: 1
|
|
I am new here and would welcome any advice on my situation. Thanks!
We have a 5 year old daughter. She spends 2 nights/week with dad, 5 with me. This is what her dad wanted--no more time than that.
Her dad & I are at the end of negotiating a parenting plan modification. My last concern to iron out is that he tends to go on vacation (without child) whenever he wants, and he just tells me the dates & he's gone. There is no discussion of the calendar, my daughter's schedule, or mine.
I want to add in a clause that says "neither parent shall miss more than 5 consecutive nights with the child unless agreed upon by both parent." He believes I am "dictating" his vacation schedule and I have no right to tell him when he can go away.
Is there a better way to word this so that maybe he will agree to it? I basically don't want him able to go away for weeks on end without planning it out so it works for all of us.
Anyone else have an ex who actually doesn't want parenting time? I've been battling for years for him to actually spend MORE time with our daughter.
Any advice/opinions appreciated. Thanks!
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
|
|
There are alot of parents in divorce situations that don't take their available time with their children; its not unusual. You're not going to convince him to spend more time with her if he's satisfied with what he's doing now. The custody agreement outlines the minimum he could take, not what he's *required* to take.
Also, and as inconsiderate as you may find it, he doesn't HAVE to plan so it "works out" for all of you and you *don't* have the right to tell him when he can go away. The two of you are divorced, he doesn't have custody, and he doesn't have to take either you or your daughters calendars into consideration.
If you were to add that type of clause into the agreement, which won't happen if he doesn't agree to it because no judge will order it, there's no realistic way to enforce it. They don't put parents in jail for not taking their allowed parenting time; they have a hard enough time actually enforcing child support orders. He can be as inconsiderate as he wants and as long as he pays cs the courts can't/won't do a thing about it.
I *get* why this bothers you... I really do. The BM in my situation has gone weeks without seeing my one ss. It hurts my ss, and it hurts my dh to see his son in pain.
Of course it would be considerate of him to work with you. But if you've been trying for years to get him to see her more and he won't do it, you're not going to change his mind now, and a court won't do it for you.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
kkimberh
enthusiast
Reged: 03/24/10
Posts: 391
|
|
This is what an attorney told me...
It depends on if dad has 'joint physical custody' or if he has visitation. If he has joint physical custody, it is his responsibility to find alternative childcare during his time. If he only has visitation, he is not ever obligated to actually take that visitation time.
Honestly, as a single parent of a child whose father has not bothered to see her in nearly 16 years, I don't get it, personally. Why would it bother you to actually have that much time (and responsibility) for your kid?
--------------------
I love therapy. It's like a talk show, where I'm the guest and the only topic is me.
|
cpnebraska
addict
Reged: 09/08/08
Posts: 541
|
|
I get why she is annoyed. You expect s/d to be gone xx day to xx day. You make plans or you shift plans so kid can be involved. Then last minute...you have to change things again when all it would've taken to avoid it is a little common courtesy.
I say adopt the attitude of "It is what it is" and roll with it the best you can. The hardest part is when the kid gets their feelings hurt.
You can't make him be nice. You can't stop them from not thinking of DD feelings. (to be honest, our feelings as parents don't matter).
Have you tried explaining to him how it disrupts DD life? In a simple non-blaming way? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
If nothing else it is a good lesson for the kid to learn how to be flexible. Sucks but true.
Oh and be thankful he takes her EOW.
--------------------
Having one kid makes you a parent, two makes you a referee!
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
|
|
Unfortunatly it's not required that he take all of his parenting time so if he doesn't agree to your proposal there is nothing you can do. Does it suck that you have to have the child available for his time but he doesn't have to take it? Yes it does. Does it suck that you have to change up your schedule and suck it up when he doesn't take her? Yes it does. There just isn't anything you can do if he doesn't agree unless you have documentation of all the time he's missed and want to attempt to reduce his parenting time. It doesn't sound as if that's what you want though.
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
|
|
[quote]I want to add in a clause that says "neither parent shall miss more than 5 consecutive nights with the child unless agreed upon by both parent." [/quote]
Since he doesn't have 5 consecutive nights with the child, there is no way he could ever comply with this statement. Visitation is to protect the NCP from withholding of the child by the CP; it's not for the CP to control or enforce. It is time ALLOWED to the NCP should they choose to take it - a minimum that they can rely upon. If he is inconsistent then you know you cannot rely upon him taking that time and would need to make other arrangements any time you will not be available during the times he has visitation and may not take it.
--------------------
Eternity is too long to be wrong.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
