BlueGoldgirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/06
Posts: 56
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Hi ~ Our custody agreement changed recently to 50/50 custody. One week on, one week off. Runs Monday thru drop off at school following Monday. Here is my issue...how do parents with this kind of schedule work out summer vacations? Our judge did not make changes to the previous order as it pertained to summer vacations. That order said both of us could take two non-consecutive vacation weeks in the summer. Those weeks could be attached to our custodial weekends, making a total of nine days. Anything more was prohibited. We have to have our vacation requests in to the other parent by 6/15 of each year. Every year, one parent has priority in vacation requests if there are any conflicts.
My ex has asked for vacation time that starts on my custodial week. So he has the week before, my week and when he comes back, he also starts his own custodial week again - for a total of three weeks. He is taking our dd to Hawaii. She wants to go & I want her to be able to go. But 3 wks is a long time & she does not want to be away from me for that long of a time. My question is - how do other parents with this custodial schedule make it work? Do you exchange time? What do you guys do? I asked my ex three weeks ago if he had any suggestions, and he said he would get back to me. Nada so far. I would love any help you guys can give me.
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2003
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Per the court order, unless he agrees to switch weeks, you are out of luck. And unless your court order also allows a dinner midweek, you are also out of luck if he doesn't agree.
And if he decides to go that route, you are, per the court order, allowed to do the same thing he is doing with your vacation and have three weeks in a row and he's out of luck. Maybe once he realizes that works both ways, he will work with you. Personally, I would discuss the issue with him and see if you can come to an agreement about this and if you can't, the next time you go back to court ask that the summer vacation time does not take the place of the other parent's week. Since you are WOWO, vacations can certainly be planned around that. And if something special comes up where either one of you needs longer than a week for the vacation, you can work out something with each other.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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You could suggest that he let her stay with you right before they leave and right after for a night, and you will do the same when you plan your vacation time. If he is leaving on say, Sunday then maybe she can stay with you Friday night. and if they get back on Saturday she couls stay with you on Sunday night. That would break up the 3 weeks without taking too much away.
Are vacations not addressed in the new order or did that part remain the same? I'd say if vacations aren't addressed then each parent is suppossed to take vacation when they have the kids. That's not always possible though and it's nice if the parents can work together. If it remained the same then you will have the same option when you schedule your vacation.
My x and I have 50/50 with a 5/2 split. We don't have anything in our CO about vacations but have always worked together. My x doesn't usually take one but when I do I always offer his choice of make up time. (usually he doesn't take it though)
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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Three weeks uninterrupted is not unreasonable, and honestly, will be harder on you than it is on her. You get the same thing. You appear to be acting like he is doing this to "get" you, when in reality, he is doing it to take the child on vacation. Go with it, make your own plans, and all will be fine.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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BlueGoldgirl
journeyman
Reged: 12/30/06
Posts: 56
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[quote]Three weeks uninterrupted is not unreasonable, and honestly, will be harder on you than it is on her. You get the same thing. You appear to be acting like he is doing this to "get" you, when in reality, he is doing it to take the child on vacation. Go with it, make your own plans, and all will be fine. [/quote]
First of all, thank you for taking the time to respond. But I have to tell you, I don't feel he has asked for this summer vacation time to "get" me. Nothing in my post indicates that level of paranoia :)
We divorced in 2005. Our dd has never been away from either of us for more than ten days at a time. So yes, three weeks is unreasonable. I am trying to be proactive and work with him. I have reached out to him on our court-ordered communication system and asked if he had any thoughts on how to make this work for both of us. His response four weeks ago was that he would get back to me. Despite two follow-ups from me, he has not responded. And while I do understand that I can do the same thing to him, there are some problems with that. One of the funnier problems is that our dd's summer vacation simply does not last long enough for both parents to take two three-week periods of time. (she only has nine weeks of summer vacation)
Thanks to all for the constructive thoughts...it has given me some good ideas.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"Our dd has never been away from either of us for more than ten days at a time. So yes, three weeks is unreasonable."
Most people get 4-6 weeks of summer vacation. You now have 50/50 custody, so three weeks is most definitely NOT unreasonable.
"I am trying to be proactive and work with him. I have reached out to him on our court-ordered communication system and asked if he had any thoughts on how to make this work for both of us."
Okay, now think about this, if you have week on, week off, it is either going to be ONE week, or three weeks, that is the ONLY way it CAN work out.
"One of the funnier problems is that our dd's summer vacation simply does not last long enough for both parents to take two three-week periods of time."
So request the week before his week, or the week AFTER his vacation. That would give you each two weeks of vacation. What you appear to want is for him to only take weeks that he ALREADY gets, which is silly.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8834
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To be blunt - I do think you are being unreasonable. DH has had no less than 6 weeks of uninterrupted summer time since his youngest was 7. Prior to that they had been away from their mother for like, never. They were fine, except for when she would call and harangue them about how sad she was and the dogs/cats were sad and how she bought them a new kitten for when they came home etc. Personally I would be excited about my kid getting to travel to Hawaii, hand them a disposable camera and tell them I want lots of pictures.
Its really unfair to ask your ex to change his plans when he made them within the confines of a legal agreement. But if he is willing you could ASK if it doesn't interfere with his plans to change yours. For example weeks 1,3,5 are yours and 2,4,6 are his. He is taking week 3 for his vacation. He is vacationing weeks 3 & 4 - then ask to take your vacation 1 & 2. If he is vacationing weeks 2 & 3, same thing. Take your vacation weeks 4 & 5. If you already have a vacation planned and its too much trouble to change it - then I guess I would say that if the 3 week problem isn't enough for you to change YOUR plans, why should he?
(Keep in mind a "staycation" is still vacation - taking time just to hang out with your kid is just as much a vacation as a trip to Hawaii)
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Why is it unfair that he only take vacation on his weeks if she is willing to do the same? They have 50/50 so it's not as if it's the only time he can plan a vacation. Plus no where does it seem as if she has an issue with him taking that time, only wanting to see the child sometime during the 3 weeks.
That said, though it's not what she asked and 3 weeks is a long time. She's not saying it's only a long time for her D to be away from HER but from either of them. I'm sure the child will miss mom during that 3 week period, just like she will miss dad during the 3 week period she's with mom for vacation.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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You must review your court order. If the parenting schedule was replaced in its entirety, then there is no vacation schedule presently ordered. That may be a fair interpretation of your present order.
If your order specifically states that any other parenting time provisions not specifically addressed remain in full force and effect, the prior schedule would apply and your ex can take the time being requested.
In the end, it would seem to be a good idea to mediate the issue and seek some clarification. Without more, it appears the schedule is ambiguous.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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"Why is it unfair that he only take vacation on his weeks if she is willing to do the same?"
Because why would you put in for EXCEPTED vacation time, when you have the child already?
"3 weeks is a long time"
No, its not.
"I'm sure the child will miss mom during that 3 week period, just like she will miss dad during the 3 week period she's with mom for vacation."
I have no doubt the child will miss the other parent. But that is life, and LEARNING to deal with that is part of life's lessons.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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